Am I a sissy or do I just enjoy feminine style / crossdressing?
Hello! I’m a 26M who first got intrigued by crossdressing when I tried on my mom or sister’s panties or bras or necklaces on occasion when I was maybe in middle school (as I’m sure many did), but didn’t really get into it more seriously until college when an ex wanted to try pegging me. Until that point, I’d never questioned my gender or sexuality. I truly believed that I was just a typical cis het dude. But that experience led me to an interest in trans porn and that all brought back the crossdressing interest.
I went through multiple cycles of buying fem clothes and then purging it all throughout college, unsure of what I liked so much about it. Did it make me feel sexy? Did I just wear what I wished my partner would wear? Did I want to be a girl? Did I just want to be a submissive guy? Was I a CD? A sissy? Trans? Just a guy with a taste for fem styling? Was I bi? Gay? I had no idea anymore. I didn’t have a general interest in men, I didn’t find them attractive, but when I dressed fem I wanted to be desirable to men for some reason.
Eventually, I craved for someone else to see my fem side, for an NSA stranger to see me and sexualize me and want me as a fem person. I met up with a few men, sucked a few cocks, and eventually had sex with one while on vacation. I took a full fem outfit on the trip for this specific purpose, then threw it all out at the end of the trip. It satisfied something in me but idk what. I didn’t suddenly see men any differently, I still wasn’t attracted to them, but I did like how it felt to dress fem and be desired for it.
These days I still crossdress in secret on occasion, but I’ve at least expressed to my current girlfriend that I have a slight interest in trying some fem stylings and we’ve even tried out pegging. She’s very open to these things but I don’t know how open I want to be about my level of interest. I do still find myself going through cycles of craving to dress feminine, to feel feminine, to be desired for my feminine side (more often than I’d like to admit). On occasion, I also still have that specific craving for a man to want my feminine side and treat me as his fem sub.
I don’t know where this leaves me. I want to just ignore it or maybe just feed the desire a little by wearing a skirt on occasion around my gf or something, but I’m afraid I’ll always want more. Am I just a crossdresser? Am I a sissy? Idk