u/sissybaby10

Since I was around 10–12 years old, I’ve felt a desire within me to be a girl. Being from Bangladesh, I grew up watching my mother watch Indian serials on TV. I used to love seeing the women wear beautiful sarees and sindoor, and I’d imagine myself like that; those thoughts would often lead me to masturbate.

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A few years later, I started becoming interested in the lifestyle of women in my own religion, Islam. I began dreaming of wearing a hijab, niqab, and burqa—living as a housewife who follows her husband’s lead. By the time I was 21, I started incorporating fingering into my masturbation.

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Two years passed like this. I started looking for a partner but couldn’t find anyone who shared my vision. I opened an account on Grindr, but everyone there only wanted sex. I wanted romance—someone who would care for me, kiss me, take me out, and give me affectionate touches; something more like make-outs.

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Last December, I met a guy who influenced me to go on my first 'room date.' I was excited and went with the condition that I’d only perform oral sex. Unfortunately, it didn’t go well. He tried to get me to do it several times, but I ended up vomiting, and he kicked me out. However, he took some photos of me on my phone that still give me a strange feeling when I look at them.

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He left me with a sort of obsession. Hearing him talk back then helped me overcome my fear, and I bought some women’s clothes—a pink and white sweater and white underwear. I thought if I wore these at his place, he would adore me, but even seeing me in them, he just pushed for oral sex. I felt bad, and for many months, I didn't buy any more clothes.

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But a few days ago, when my parents were away for a couple of days, I suddenly felt a desperate urge to buy clothes again. I rushed out and bought a t-shirt, trousers, an orna (scarf), a hijab, and a niqab. Wearing them made me feel so good. Now, I’m constantly watching videos on my fake Instagram profile about how to style a hijab and niqab without pins. I feel like I might buy a burqa soon, too.

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The thing is, I’m not doing this just for myself; I want to do it for someone who will want to see me in a hijab and niqab—someone who will kiss and adore me, treating me exactly how a man treats his wife. I feel sad and wonder why I wasn’t born a girl. Will I never have those beautiful moments of affection in my life?

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"Since I was around 10–12 years old, I’ve felt a desire within me to be a girl. Being from Bangladesh, I grew up watching my mother watch Indian serials on TV. I used to love seeing the women wear beautiful sarees and sindoor, and I’d imagine myself like that; those thoughts would often lead me to masturbate.

​

A few years later, I started becoming interested in the lifestyle of women in my own religion, Islam. I began dreaming of wearing a hijab, niqab, and burqa—living as a housewife who follows her husband’s lead. By the time I was 21, I started incorporating fingering into my masturbation.

​

Two years passed like this. I started looking for a partner but couldn’t find anyone who shared my vision. I opened an account on Grindr, but everyone there only wanted sex. I wanted romance—someone who would care for me, kiss me, take me out, and give me affectionate touches; something more like make-outs.

​

Last December, I met a guy who influenced me to go on my first 'room date.' I was excited and went with the condition that I’d only perform oral sex. Unfortunately, it didn’t go well. He tried to get me to do it several times, but I ended up vomiting, and he kicked me out. However, he took some photos of me on my phone that still give me a strange feeling when I look at them.

​

He left me with a sort of obsession. Hearing him talk back then helped me overcome my fear, and I bought some women’s clothes—a pink and white sweater and white underwear. I thought if I wore these at his place, he would adore me, but even seeing me in them, he just pushed for oral sex. I felt bad, and for many months, I didn't buy any more clothes.

​

But a few days ago, when my parents were away for a couple of days, I suddenly felt a desperate urge to buy clothes again. I rushed out and bought a t-shirt, trousers, an orna (scarf), a hijab, and a niqab. Wearing them made me feel so good. Now, I’m constantly watching videos on my fake Instagram profile about how to style a hijab and niqab without pins. I feel like I might buy a burqa soon, too.

​

The thing is, I’m not doing this just for myself; I want to do it for someone who will want to see me in a hijab and niqab—someone who will kiss and adore me, treating me exactly how a man treats his wife. I feel sad and wonder why I wasn’t born a girl. Will I never have those beautiful moments of affection in my life?"

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It's been 9+ year I want to see myself as a girl! But it's never gonna happened ik. My family never gonna accept me as a girl and I didn't gonna do this at my this age (I am 24 by the way) also I live in Bangladesh in this region this is more tough! I don't know what should I do rn! I already go to my first room date on last December but I am failed there! He just want sucking by my mouth but I am failed there also! I feel so sad for myself! I have just few dress no toys! I am just fingering whenever I am doing masterbed and reading captions whole day on insta or Reddit what should I do? Am I on right path?