Caught feelings
Gah. I’ve been a client of professional cuddlers for nearly 2 years now. I’ve had dozens of total cuddle sessions, so I know the drill. Pro cuddlers are wonderful, but also I know that at the end of the day, they are doing a job; they are creating a container of pseudo-intimacy that ends when the session ends. For the vast majority of cuddlers I’ve seen, I’m able to recognize “this feels really good, and I feel cared for and close to her, but this is her job, and I shouldn’t try to make it more than it is.”
Last night, I saw a pro cuddler that was visiting from the other side of the country. She was attractive (though I’ve seen other attractive cuddlers before too), she was also very affectionate, I felt so safe with her, she seemed genuinely interested in me and my life (or she did a really good job acting like it), and we vibed pretty well both relationally and physically. Both our top love languages are words of affirmation and we gave each other some genuine, thoughtful compliments (on legit life/personality stuff, not just generic or physical stuff). It all felt so, so good. She’s only a year younger than me. The soonest that I might see her again is months away.
She has great karma on CC. Intellectually I know that she’s most likely just an amazing pro cuddler and we had a fantastic session, largely because of her. But man, that affection and attentiveness just felt so good and dare I say it kinda felt real. I’m trying to just enjoy it for what it is, which ultimately is really good service. I wish my lil crush would subside.
I have a lot of recent woman/intimacy related trauma; among other things, I was raped by a woman earlier this year, and last year a different woman choked me non-consensually then faked a pregnancy. And it was kinda emotionally corrective to be treated this well by a woman for a change. I’m trying to be very appreciative for that angle too.