Modern dating is a humiliation ritual
Why do some men create genuine intimacy with women they already know they can’t or won’t pursue further?
I met a guy at a bar recently and we had really natural chemistry. We ended up going back to his place, had sex, slept in the same bed all night, cuddled, talked, etc. The next morning he made me coffee, kissed me goodbye before work, texted me afterward, then called me a few days later to tell me he’s been “kind of talking to” another girl and didn’t want to “lead me on.”
What confuses me is this:
I wasn’t asking him to be my boyfriend. I wasn’t expecting daily texts or instant commitment. I honestly would’ve been completely fine with it naturally becoming a casual thing where we occasionally hung out, hooked up, grabbed drinks, whatever.
But it feels emotionally strange to create that level of warmth/intimacy with someone and THEN decide to establish boundaries afterward. Especially when he already knew this other girl existed before inviting me over.
And I’m genuinely asking
Do men realize how emotionally confusing that can feel sometimes? Because if a man ONLY wanted sex, I’d almost expect him to ghost or slowly fade. Calling afterward to explain yourself almost makes it feel more emotionally significant, not less.
I guess I’m trying to understand if men compartmentalize intimacy differently, or if sometimes guilt kicks in after the fact and makes you pull back from something you actually enjoyed in the moment:
Edit/clarification: I’m not saying he did anything wrong or that anyone owes me commitment. I’m genuinely trying to understand the psychology behind this kind of dynamic and how people experience intimacy differently in casual situations. I’m asking from a place of curiosity, not accusation.
In my case, the chemistry felt mutual, the interaction was fully present and intimate, and nothing in the moment suggested ambiguity. Then afterward, he explained he had been “kind of talking to” someone else and didn’t want to lead me on even though that information already existed before we met up.
I’m not asking why he didn’t choose me or why it wasn’t a relationship. I’m asking about the psychology behind sharing intimacy first and only later introducing information that changes the meaning of what already happened.