r/RealHookupAdvice

TLDR: new partner told me about her previous boundaries before sex. The sex was good and the only 2 things she said she wouldn’t do, she offered already. Is this trying to please me or does she feel different per person?

Hey all, I’ve been talking to this new adventurous woman for a bit and we recently had sex. When we talked about stuff before, she said there’s only two things she won’t do, anal and cum on her face. I was cool with that so we got down.

We pretty much fucked for 2 whole straight days and it was incredible. We were both feeling safe and adventurous. On the second day, she offered me both anal and to cum on her face. While I’d love to do both, I told her we can save it for another time if we still want as we have plenty of exploring to do.

I guess im wondering if this is something she legitimately wants to try with me as a new partner or if she was wanting to just let me do everything as she was enjoying herself? I really don’t like the idea of people impulsively overriding their boundaries for others and only want mutual enthusiasm.

I have had things I didn’t want to do but then wouldn’t mind with a new partner and different dynamic. Do you think I should just keep those off the table? Thanks!

Why do some men create genuine intimacy with women they already know they can’t or won’t pursue further?

I met a guy at a bar recently and we had really natural chemistry. We ended up going back to his place, had sex, slept in the same bed all night, cuddled, talked, etc. The next morning he made me coffee, kissed me goodbye before work, texted me afterward, then called me a few days later to tell me he’s been “kind of talking to” another girl and didn’t want to “lead me on.”

What confuses me is this:
I wasn’t asking him to be my boyfriend. I wasn’t expecting daily texts or instant commitment. I honestly would’ve been completely fine with it naturally becoming a casual thing where we occasionally hung out, hooked up, grabbed drinks, whatever.

But it feels emotionally strange to create that level of warmth/intimacy with someone and THEN decide to establish boundaries afterward. Especially when he already knew this other girl existed before inviting me over.

And I’m genuinely asking
Do men realize how emotionally confusing that can feel sometimes? Because if a man ONLY wanted sex, I’d almost expect him to ghost or slowly fade. Calling afterward to explain yourself almost makes it feel more emotionally significant, not less.

I guess I’m trying to understand if men compartmentalize intimacy differently, or if sometimes guilt kicks in after the fact and makes you pull back from something you actually enjoyed in the moment:

Edit/clarification: I’m not saying he did anything wrong or that anyone owes me commitment. I’m genuinely trying to understand the psychology behind this kind of dynamic and how people experience intimacy differently in casual situations. I’m asking from a place of curiosity, not accusation.

In my case, the chemistry felt mutual, the interaction was fully present and intimate, and nothing in the moment suggested ambiguity. Then afterward, he explained he had been “kind of talking to” someone else and didn’t want to lead me on even though that information already existed before we met up.

I’m not asking why he didn’t choose me or why it wasn’t a relationship. I’m asking about the psychology behind sharing intimacy first and only later introducing information that changes the meaning of what already happened.

I mean, idk what else to do, there’s tip, ball and hand/mouth combo, what makes ur eyes roll?
oh and how often do you feel teeth, is it smth like, if my mouth can feel it you can and if i can’t you can’t?

Movies make it look so effortless, but in reality, the logistics are tricky. Do you carry wet wipes, wait until you get home, or have a specific protocol? What’s your realistic experience with cleanup in these settings?

I(F25) met this guy (M32) two weeks ago. We’ve hung out twice, and we kissed the second time. Objectively, I can tell he’s not unattractive, but I don’t think I’m actually attracted to him. Beyond the physical side, I also don’t feel much chemistry or connection, he’s just not really my type.

At the same time, it’s been two years since I’ve had sex, and I’ve only been with two people before, so I don’t really know how casual sex is supposed to feel. Part of me wonders if it’s okay to sleep with someone even if the chemistry isn’t there, just because I want the experience or physical intimacy.

I also wonder whether it’s actually safer emotionally to have casual sex with someone I don’t really like, since if I genuinely liked someone, there’s a chance I’d catch feelings. But then I question whether having sex with someone I’m not even attracted to is a bad idea in the first place.

So I’m majorly confused here. So I was on dating app, and I met this “couple” a bi couple man and woman. Who are exchange students in my country. They are around their early twenties both of them. However I met them on this dating app which I will. Or disclose but let say I’m a male and I was exploring my sexuality.

Now I’m straight curious and though instantly. This is interesting. Now I would like to say I’m 16 a the moment. And most of you would likely say. That a teen like me should not be on those kinds of platforms, and maybe your right. But I’m still a teen. I really can’t help myself.

Now at first I though it would be a threesome. With me and her boyfriend. Great. But later she said she’s actually prefer s one on one with me. I came to the soo looking for some gay stuff and accident might have scored myself s straight hook up. Fhe thing is. She’s very nice. And she’s smoking hot. Like seriously a jaw dropper.

At first I thought “why me. Im about as average as they come” but she genuinely seems like she wants to hook up sith me. And yes I know yall are gonna say she’s likely a fraud. I’ve though about that. I’ve been send evidence that she’s genuine. Student id and stuff.

What I don’t know is. Should I hoop up with her. My teenage boy brain is telling me to not hesitate about it. And more mature self thinks I should discuss it here first. I’m curious if her boyfriend wants her going around having “fun” with me. That all

I hope yall can give me the insight I need. And pls don’t try to talk me of fhe platforms. I known shouldn’t be in there but I can’t stop myself. This hook up thing though. That something you can help me with.

Thank you for listening

Had a Woman reach out to hook up a lot of red flags from the start, she wanted to hook up and bring her kid, and her friend. The friend would keep an eye on the child and switch out to keep me busy, and have her friend as a back up. For the first meet

Outside of her bringing her child is it a normal thing for women to bring back up

Hookups are kinda new to me

No I did not meet the woman in question

27M. I’m not sure if this is just a specific problem for me or if anyone else has experienced this.

I was in Europe for a while. The girls there are sooo much nicer. They put in so much effort in dating, texting, etc. They help plan dates. Dates are simpler, they’re more so to get to know each other. We would talk for HOURS and text for hours too (I’m a huge texter). They also put more effort in their outfits/appearance even if it’s just to get coffee during the day.

Meanwhile in America it feels like the effort is all left to the guy. Dates feel more like “how well can you impress me”. There’s less substance in texting. One word replies are soooo common. A simple museum date would not fly here. Also, your social media presence and friend circle matter so much here. Not only do you have to have a good social status, your friends do to.

Has anyone else experienced this? I feel so unmotivated to talk to girls here now.

For context, I spent time in Spain, France, and the UK.

Very important note, I get maybe 1 like on dating apps here every 5 months here vs 2-3 matches sometimes in a day in Europe depending on how active I am.

A few days ago I read a post about what dating apps are like from a woman’s perspective, and it made me want to share my own experience too. But also add something I think is important…

What actually makes me want to meet a guy from Tinder, in case it helps someone here.

First of all, the second I create my account, whether I’m in Madrid or now in NYC, you already know what happens. In less than five minutes the app is already showing 99+ likes.

So obviously, when almost every guy you swipe right on instantly becomes a match, you naturally become very selective.

But that doesn’t mean I actually want to meet all those matches. Honestly it’s the complete opposite. It’s actually pretty rare that I genuinely feel like going on a date with someone.

After using Tinder for a long time, I’ve realized most men fall into one of two categories:
Either they try to meet way too fast, or they have conversations that feel completely empty.

When a guy opens the conversation by immediately asking me out, or worse, asking me to come over to his place, honestly… the impression it gives me is that he’s completely desperate to get laid. And for me that’s a huge turn off.

Personally, I like talking a bit first. And thinking about it, I realized I really only need two things: I want to feel like the guy actually knows how to hold a conversation (so the date won’t be awkward), and that he’s interested in me beyond just trying to hook up.

I honestly think a lot of women probably feel the same way.

On the other hand, talking about sex over chat isn’t something that bothers me. Honestly, I like it. I’m pretty curious when it comes to that stuff. And actually, one of the Tinder dates I remember the most started with a guy opening the conversation with a sexual suggestion.

And yes, I ended up meeting him.

Now you’re probably wondering why, and I’ll explain it, because what attracted me wasn’t that first line. It was what he did after it.

He opened with a slightly kinky sexual comment, I replied jokingly, and then he completely changed the subject.

He started talking to me normally. He asked real things about me. We talked about random stuff, trips, experiences, dumb things… and he never brought up sex again during the whole conversation.

And that’s exactly what made me want to meet him.

Because the feeling he gave me wasn’t “this guy is desperate to get laid”. It was more like:
“this guy knows how to spark my curiosity and make me want to know more about him.”

Most guys, the second they see even the smallest opening, turn the entire conversation sexual and then seem completely unable to move away from it. And honestly, that just makes you come across as desperate.

Anyway, I was partly inspired by a Spanish influencer who used to give men advice on dating apps by explaining what actually worked on her, and then she’d sell an ebook. I don’t have any ebook or anything like that, so I’m just telling you directly what worked best on me, in case you want to try it

so i’ve been seeing this guy for like a year and the other day while having sex in sort of like the prone bone/doggy style position he sort of started spreading my ass cheeks as he would go in which i could feel him doing and he’d lowkey never done that before so i was wondering for all the men does it give you a better view like what exactly was he doing that for? 😂

I want to make my man have the best orgasm ever specifically when he cums inside me. I am obsessed with the idea of making him cum prematurely/uncontrollably. What can I say besides “cum inside me” to make him explode?

I (29F) have been with my partner (31M) for six years and our main way of finishing has been him pulling out. We’ve been going through a bit of a dead bedroom issue the last while. We finally had sex the other night (it had been 2 months, and no I’m not the reason) and I was in his favourite position, and I noticed he finished inside. He literally never does this. When I asked why he didn’t pull out he said he forgot. When asked how he told me not to complain. I’m just confused. How do you forget when you’ve literally always done it, or at least asked/warned before you finished inside? I’ll take anecdotes, responses from men and women, I’m just so confused.