u/yes_oniichan

The ADHDer is the only one who stops by out of curiosity and engages the high energy meth user, overwhelming him with the rambling talk about social history and disregarding the risk of paranoia and delusions.

The meth user is left mentally exhausted yet at the same time, feels uplifted as if he’s just had the best day of his life in a long time simply because someone treated him like a person and spoke with him.

Just ADHD things.

I’m an autistic person with ADHD in my 30s and i think i may have opened up another mental illness after this bizarre experience.

I met a woman by coincidence and i just know she uses meth but i ignored the flaws because my instincts told me she's like me based on her mannerisms and behavioral patterns. I invited her out and we got along well. We’re close in age and we ended up oversharing about our special interests (social history, genealogy, botany etc) then became friends just like that.

I could tell she's intelligent and able to challenge me intellectually which intrigued me and couldn’t understand how someone like her had become addicted to meth and gotten boob implants so i politely asked her to share her story and what led her down that path. She did, talking about her younger life, family and so on with me finishing the conversation off with let me know if you need help connecting with them again or quitting.

My odd questions that ticked her off throughout our friendship were always followed by long, awkward silences and finished off with her smug faced scoffs after which we would ramble and debate from there.

Anyway, our weekend night hangouts became a regular thing and usually revolved around talking about our special interests, playing board games, ordering uber eats, eating junk food, chilled outside and her unusually long bathroom sessions that lasted over an hour with her yapping and every 10 minutes yelling at me to come in while i'm in the middle of the multiplayer game.

It got weird really fast from there how it turned into a push and pull type dynamic in a childish way that i'd never thought it turn to and every time she initiated something sexually, my stupid brain would interrupt the moment. One instance where she took everything off and got close to me but i pointed out her makeup and started talking about how makeup can be deceptive and misleading. She scoffed, pulled out her pipe and said “ask your mum, she’ll know" so we ended up arguing with her usual "you're not my husband" comments.

Other times, she would get naked, grab me playfully and tease me but instead of going along with it, i’d get concerned and ask, “is that really okay? i don’t want to hurt you.” Then she got annoyed and complain that i had killed the mood in the room followed by her using the pipe and going to the bathroom to do her things. During the weekdays, i would often compulsively masturbate to the pictures i had taken with her and was able to do with ease without materials.

Or that one where she took off her pants and kept pressing against my legs under the blanket while i was scrolling to find a good TV show to watch. I told her to check it out only for her to storm out and slam the door to go have a smoke outside. Eventually, we just ended up spooning face to face and slept after she calmed down. I didn’t realize we frequently spooned over the weekends until later on and she had a tendency to hold me awfully tight.

However as the months went by, her adhd side became more noticeable and she suddenly flipped and went into “war mode” out of nowhere.

She became paranoid and started saying odd things like she didn’t trust me because i was “too nice". She accused me of making her feel ugly, questioned whether i was an undercover cop or gay and called me weird and fake, saying i couldn’t read people. Then she blurted out that other men would have only tried to hook up with her and leave and that they would have bashed her, thrown her out naked and seen her as trashy.

There was a pain all over in her eyes when she said it. I had no idea what happened but i apologized and asked, “isn’t that what friends are for?”. There was an awkward silence and a stare then she just scoffed sarcastically and walked away.

The next day, she sent a long text message and apologized for the incident. She said she loved me as a friend, that she had enjoyed all the fun we had and that i had been there for her while the “world was against me.” However, she also said that i was too much for her and that she was afraid of hurting me.

That was the end of it and she stopped contacting me. Rejection sensitive dysphoria kicked in fully and i went into a psychosis induced hyperfocus that week, ruminating and thinking "we’re so alike and perfect" while imagining what things might have been like if she wasn’t using meth. I’d go to work without showers, in my cigarette stained uniform, still carrying the smell of her meth use on me, all the while thinking about her and noticing the horrified looks from my coworkers. I also abused stims to blank those thoughts.

It made me reflect on everything that had gone wrong in my troubled life as a person with autism and ADHD and meeting an addict while developing intense feelings for her felt like the final nail in the coffin showing me how low i had fallen.

TL;DR: I’m basically a loner who struggles to connect with others and my life has been full of trauma and rejection.

I’m a high functioning autistic person with ADHD in my 30s and grew up with special interests in anthropology, genealogy, ethnography, historical sociology and botany. It’s a long post but please bear with me as i believe i may have opened up another mental illness.

I met a woman by coincidence and i had a hunch that she uses meth but i ignored the flaws because my instincts told me she was like me based on her mannerisms and behavioral patterns. I invited her out and we got along well. We’re close in age and we ended up oversharing about our special interests and she was the first person i’d ever had that kind of engagement with.

I could tell she's intelligent and able to challenge me intellectually which intrigued me and couldn’t understand how someone like her had become addicted to meth and gotten boob implants so i politely asked her to share her story and what led her down that path.

Anyway, our weekend night hangouts became a regular thing and usually revolved around talking about our special interests, playing board games, ordering uber eats, eating junk food, chilled outside and her unusually long bathroom sessions that lasted over an hour with her yapping and every 10 minutes yelling at me to come in while i'm in the middle of the multiplayer game.

Some people outside were giving her the “looks” and seemed more puzzled by me as it could come across as a social mismatch based on our appearance and demeanor from the outside but it seemed to affect her more emotionally and looking at her was too much so i changed my approach at more appropriate times and in more suitable settings.

It got really weird from there and every time she initiated something sexually, my stupid brain would interrupt the moment. One instance where she took everything off and got close to me but i pointed out her makeup and started talking about how makeup can be deceptive and misleading. She scoffed, pulled out her pipe and said “ask your mum, she’ll know" so we ended up arguing with her usual "you're not my husband" comments.

Other times, she would get naked, grab me playfully and tease me but instead of going along with it, i’d get concerned and ask, “is that really okay? i don’t want to hurt you.” Then she got annoyed and complain that i had killed the mood in the room followed by her using the pipe and going to the bathroom to do her things. During the weekdays, i would often compulsively masturbate to the pictures i had taken with her and was able to do with ease without materials.

However as the months went by, her adhd side became more noticeable and she suddenly flipped and went into “war mode” out of nowhere.

She became paranoid and started saying odd things like she didn’t trust me because i was “too nice". She accused me of making her feel ugly, questioned whether i was an undercover cop or gay and called me weird and fake, saying i couldn’t read people. Then she blurted out that other men would have only tried to hook up with her and leave and that they would have bashed her, thrown her out naked and seen her as trashy.

There was a pain all over in her eyes when she said it. I had no idea what happened but i apologized and asked, “isn’t that what friends are for?”. There was an awkward silence and a stare then she just scoffed sarcastically and walked away.

The next day, she sent a long text message and apologized for the incident. She said she loved me as a friend, that she had enjoyed all the fun we had and that i had been there for her while the “world was against me.” However, she also said that i was too much for her and that she was afraid of hurting me.

That was the end of it. Rejection sensitive dysphoria kicked in fully and i went into a psychosis induced hyperfocus that week, ruminating and thinking "we’re so alike and perfect" while imagining what things might have been like if she wasn’t using meth. I’d go to work without showers, in my cigarette stained uniform, still carrying the smell of her meth use on me, all the while thinking about her and noticing the horrified looks from my coworkers.

It made me reflect on everything that had gone wrong in my troubled life as a person with autism and ADHD and meeting an addict while developing intense feelings for her felt like the final nail in the coffin showing me how low i had fallen.

TL;DR: I’m basically a loner who struggles to connect with others and it feels like everyone dislikes me or keeps me at arm’s length. In short, my life has been full of trauma and rejection.

Whether if they have neurodevelopmental, psychotic, mood, anxiety and personality etc disorder, it doesn't matter, it seems it has a particularly strong pull for people with these conditions/odd characters that stands out.

Put all the free drugs in the psych ward and mental hospitals, meth is the only thing they will touch followed by weed being the distant second.

Cigarette dependence is somewhat understandable so what is it that makes them more drawn to it and more susceptible even though it can worsen their symptoms and make their lives much harder in the long run?

Unfortunately, the main adhd sub is unhelpful and it probably carries some shame so i decide to post here (from experience, a lot of drug users are adhders and autist). Apologize for the long post but please bear with me here.

Long story short, i was diagnosed with adhd after being around with meth addicts who behaved in a similar manner to me which prompted me to get help.

So, i want to make some real changes starting from fixing how to socialize with people.

When i do, it's often done straight to the point, briefly and i just want an answer for it so i can continue moving along with my things. It can come across as antisocial to others.

When people do try to engage with me socially, i just feel tense and hold my breath for some reason. Like their slow motion talk ticks me off or something. My head is thinking of many ways to bolt as if i'm trying to fight with my pacing then i end up stuttering in the process from overthinking, even with families. So, it can give them wrong ideas.

I used to think it's just how i am but looking back and now, it's clear that's not the case when socializing with people who have mental conditions and those with mental and substance issues. It’s the feeling of how the weight on your shoulders has been lifted. We don't greet formally and just ramble along for as long as we like and operate on the same wave length, even if they are complete strangers which makes it even weirder.

That’s when i realized i’ve got some underlying issues and can't figure out what it is. My doctor who is understanding said i should try all the adhd med dosages and brands first to find the perfect one and then we can talk about the 'anxiety' part later but i’ve been reading that stimulants and anxiety meds don’t coexist well.