Acceptance and confusion
A few years ago, I started a Reddit account to post pictures of myself feminized, as it used to be part of my daily routine to goon over sissies back then. I was always complimented on my feminine and curvy ass by friends and even relatives, which one day triggered my kink for fishnets and oil. I started wearing my ex’s fishnets after asking her to use them during sex, eventually tearing them apart. I never thought I would end up taking those ripped pantyhose out of the trash, wearing them, oiling my ass, twerking, and recording myself.
I slowly started buying lingerie, but the hair on my body didn’t really fit the artistic direction I wanted. So I began shaving regularly, first with razors because it was easier, even though it caused more irritation. Over time, I learned how to take care of my body, my face, and my appearance in general. I’m still not fully confident about my facial skin or beauty, but the rest is alright. My ass also became bigger after I started working out and focusing on exercises targeting my glutes.
The first pictures genuinely attracted the interest of a lot of men. I talked with some of them; a few were nice and we became friends, but most were disrespectful and obviously just horny. Unfortunately, none of them lived in my country.
At some point, I fell into depression and stopped everything. But for some reason, I kept the pictures and videos for myself. Every time I tried to post again, I felt remorse. Now that feeling has mostly disappeared with time and self-acceptance. However, constantly being harassed by some men, even with filtered messages, is emotionally exhausting. I’m not really sure how to deal with that.
I don’t think I’m narcissistic or overly in love with myself, but I also have a complex about showing my body to people. Part of me wants, as both a sexual fantasy and an artistic project, to post regularly and open an OnlyFans dedicated to gaming and sex while crossdressing. Sometimes, though, I feel like it goes deeper than that, and that maybe I genuinely want to become a woman entirely. It’s all very confusing, and I’m not sure what to do with these feelings.