r/bdsm

I turned 40 this year and I’ve been with my wife for over 13 years. We have always had a very active sex life. During the beginning of the relationship, I was much more of a giver, making sure she came before me from either oral or a toy. She has always been more of a sub. I took me a while to embrace a dom role, particularly since in my previous relationship I was very much a sub, but I can say now that I’m a dom.

As I get older, I’ve noticed that I’ve switched from being a giving a lover to being a selfish dom focusing more on my pleasure. She gives me oral constantly and doesn’t want me to return the favor. We have sex when we want and how I want it, including positions I like but she isn’t a fan. Sex is not over until I cum. When we drink this dynamic becomes even more intense. It excites me a lot and it also excites her.

I am somewhat conflicted because outside of sex I prioritize everything and everyone except for me. I make sure her and my son’s needs are always met, and I rarely ask for help. In fact, I don’t like to get help from anyone to not be a burden. The same dynamic is at work. I am a group leader and I prioritize my team above all.

My wife and I talk constantly about our sex life and she says she likes it that way. I’m interested in learning about other couples who have a similar dynamic. From a sub point of view, does this dynamic work? Do other doms experience this?