r/u_unfunnyvalley

I thought I'd take a look back and see if I could trace some of my interests back to early experiences.

I remember from early childhood having a simultaneous fascination with and borderline phobia of drunkenness. When characters were visibly affected by alcohol, I had a really visceral reaction. If they were gregarious or unpleasant I was terrified. If they were confused, woozy, slurry, pliant, I couldn't look away. So that's...something.

It never occurred to me that the things might be connected, but I was also fascinated by stage hypnotism shows. Seeing people, especially men, go limp and suggestible on demand. It was a pre-sexual fascination, but I think those early moments of other people's brief loss of agency sparking my imagination were my first unconscious forays into kink.

Around 15 I discovered the music, specifically the lyrics, of Alice Cooper. Lines like this:

• "Take another sip, let it kiss your lips, and let a little drip on your thighs"
• "Play another role, try and lose control, and stain your soul to red from white"
• "Love hurts good on a bed of nails"
• "Rub my barrel, straight and narrow, dress up like a nun"
• "I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name"
• "Your mouth, so hot, your web, I'm caught, your lips so wet, black lace on sweat"
• "Come over here and kiss me, I wanna pull your hair"
• "I'm all undone, my pretty one. Don't slap my face unless you kiss me." I heard these lyrics and my mind was blown. I was just a little good-girl bullied virgin nerd back then, but this made me fantasise about being on both sides of a BDSM dynamic.

As I got older, I vaguely knew I enjoyed making boys squirm. It was funny. Once, at Bible Camp (!) a boy told me I shouldn't be wearing such provocative clothing. I said I was flattered that he was so provoked. It was a rush, seeing the prissy thing blush and splutter.

I think there's always been something there.