I joined the BDSM scene near me about a month ago. One of the local leaders, a sub leaning switch, welcomed me with open arms and has been helping me with my identity and making friends. I would say he is who I am closest to and have learned the most from so far. He feels like a safe place to not know what I’m doing. It’s been invaluable to me.
I spoke with another leader of the community who is more familiar with “old guard” style stuff and wondered if mentor was an official thing but he said not really. He encouraged me to peruse this but it did make me wonder if I’m just being silly.
Maybe I’m making a big deal out of nothing but to me, Mentor carries weight to it because in my mind if I say that someone is mentoring me then my behavior reflects back on them. It also feels like I’m placing the responsibility of teaching on that person and I don’t want to do that without their (and their pack’s) express consent. To me, this feels like a dynamic, even if it is different than a Dom/Sub dynamic.
I want to ask my friend’s Doms for permission to ask my friend to be my mentor but the more I think about it the more I question myself. Am I taking this too seriously? Am I being silly for wanting to pursue something like this?
Ironically, this man is who I would usually ask these things and talk through them. I feel very adrift since I can’t talk to him about it.