(Potential) Age gap relationship
Hi everyone, this is my first ever post on Reddit, so please show some grace!
I’m 20 years old (f), and my sister is 7 years older than me. Ever since I was little, I’ve been close with a lot of her friends and have gotten used to hanging out with an “older” crowd. People who meet me usually assume I’m older, both because of the way I look and the way I carry myself.
This guy and I have gotten incredibly close over the summer. When we first met, he assumed I was around 25/26, and I assumed he was around 30. We live pretty close and started talking because my family had been talking to him and his cousins. He approached me and we spent an entire day together just talking in a friendly manner, and he asked me out on a date as we parted ways. Before I agreed to anything, I talked to my mum. She said that alrhough he was older than me, she thought he was a lovely man, and the fact that his family is quite similar to ours was a good sign. She encouraged me to at least go on one date with him.
Our date was super nice, we talked about a few deep topics and got along even better than we did during the day. During our date, I told him I was 20, and he told me he was 34. We discussed our 15 year age gap, and although we agreed that it is a HUGE age gap, we seem to understand each other quite well (not only intellectually, but also due to our specific life experiences). We went on a few more dates, and so far we seem to be super compatible.
I have always been quite outspoken about how certain age gaps never work, and this feels quite hypocritical of me. He has assured me a few times that he really likes me, but that there’s no rush to put a label on anything. I probably should’ve mentioned this earlier, but we also live in different places, so there would be an element of long distance.
My biggest worry, aside from the long distance, is that I don’t see myself getting married or “settling down” for at least another 6 years. Obviously, at 34, he may have a different timeline from me, and I don’t want either one of us to enter into something expecting the other person to eventually change their mind. This is something I’ll definitely discuss with him later on, but my main reason for posting on Reddit is to get unbiased opinions.
My mum, sister, and grandma all think that we are super compatible. They know him fairly well and obviously know me extremely well, so I do value and trust their judgement. My dad actually gets along with him too and, aside from his understandable concerns about the age difference, thinks he’s a really good guy for me - which was quite unexpected.
I can predict what some of the comments will be like (if I get any haha…) but I genuinely want to hear perspectives from people outside the situation. I’m very aware that it’s a significant age gap. I’ll also openly admit that if I were his age, I don’t think I would be going for a 20 year old. At the same time, I don’t personally feel a significant maturity gap between us (although I’m aware that I might not be the most fair and objective judge of that).
I’m genuinely open minded about this, so please give me any and all outside perspectives. I especially want to hear what red flags or potential power imbalances you would look out for if you were in my position, including things that might not seem obvious to me right now. Tell me your harsh truths!!! I genuinely want some unbiased points of view instead of validation.
I’d also really lobe to hear from people who have actually been in a similar agegap relationship, whether it worked or not, and what issues surfaced later on…