r/AgeGap

My father has always been active and a great figure in my life. Despite this, ive always enjoyed the company of older men more than guys my age? (18) ive tried to go through multiple reasons in my head and with friends as to why this is. Like me being vulnerable for most of my life,(mental health issues etc) the fact that all my siblings and parents are much older than me (which caused me to mature quicker), or just the fact that my brain is weird lol.

Ive tried being with ppl my age, but Its never worked out. I feel more attraction to older guys who hit on me at my work than guys my age who genuinely want a relationship with me.

I feel gross for it, to put it bluntly.

(Sorry if the flair for this is wrong, im not sure how to tag this)

(Throwaway bc I have a coworker who knows my real account)

To give some context, I met him when he was 14. I was 24; it was my first year of teaching. His mother is a teacher, so he was familiar with the profession and quickly realized it was my first year. He was very kind, joked around with me, and made sure to liven up the classes by participating as much as possible. I could totally see myself in him at that age. We already had a close bond, in a platonic way (though I later wondered if he might have had a crush on me back then—he did everything he could to make me laugh and get my attention). We ran into each other two or three times in the years that followed, but that's all.

We saw each other again in May—he’s now 20 and I’m 30—and I hadn’t seen him since he was in high school. This time, we’ve been seeing each other more often, almost every week for a few hours. He’s become a close friend, and our bond has grown even stronger, since we can now talk about anything. He still has values that I really admire, and he's so kind with me; we have a lot in common and we tease each other a lot. I have to admit that I’m really attracted to him, which surprises me a lot—I’ve always preferred older men; my exes were between 7 and 30 years older than me...

Now I’m wondering if it’s okay to make a move. I’m not sure if he’s attracted to me or if it’s just a friendship, and I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable. He broke up with his gf of one year in July, he told me he found their conversations and connection superficial and expected more from a relationship, which gives me hope since we spend just as much time teasing each other as we do having deep conversations. But I don't want him to see me as a creep attracted to her students if he's not interested.

Intended to be a lighthearted take on the post title but thoughts welcome. I'm (M50s) lucky to be in a great relationship of several years now with my partner (F24). Fairly quickly it became apparent to me that other women [of varying ages but predominantly in their 20s and 30s] seem to think I'm fair game to flirt with. With or without my gf being present. As she has a relatively dramatic streak this can lead to unintended consequences but not always in a bad way.

Have other men noticed the phenomenon? Women who actively seek age gap relationships, do you do conciously see a possible target marked out by an existing relationship.or may it be unconscious bias?

Of course I may get shot down for suggesting this but I'm calling it as I see it and have experienced it.

i’m using my spam account bc he’s on reddit

i (19f) met this man (27m) about 6 months ago and we’ve been in an on and off fwb relationship ever since. neither of us have interest in having a serious relationship with eachother but we do really enjoy the time we spend with eachother. that being said, i often feel like he doesn’t see me equally and it makes me doubt continuing our relationship. he often calls me “big girl” (he said this when i talked about moving out), “smart girl” and “busy girl” which just feels sort of demeaning to me. he has admitted to me that he feels like a mentor to me and feels he is somewhat of a father figure to me, and stood by it when i disagreed. there are quite a few instances i can think of but i don’t want this to be too long and too specific. i guess i’d like to know if you think i’m reading too much into what he thinks about me and if this is really not a big deal. i also would love to hear how someone else in this sort of situation with these feelings have dealt with it. should i have a conversation with him or is this worth ending our relationship?

I’m 18 and I’ve been seeing a man in his 40s. The sex is better. That’s not even the part I get stuck on.

It’s that I can’t talk about him the way I would if he was 20. I delete messages. I lie about where I was. Then I show up and he handles me like it’s nothing.

The hiding makes it hotter and also makes me feel crazy. Curious if other people in a big gap felt that same mix, where the secrecy stops being a problem and starts being part of the turn-on.

I'm absolutely passionate about age gap relationships between older men and girls, and really wish I could really get into the discussion on them here, truly get deep into why and how older and younger belong together, but so often every discussion just becomes about the idea of what he's looking for. It does frustrate me. Does anyone else feel this? I'm absolutely fine talking about my past encounters and dynamics, I actually love to. But then it just becomes ' if you were mine etc' grrr. I hate telling people how to act, I'm not trying to do that. Just wish I could really discuss age gaps properly one day. Do others feel the same?

I'm currently planning a trip with my "FwB" to go to a museum he's always wanted to visit, and I've visited a couple of times. We've done a few day trips before, but this is the first time we're going to stay overnight somewhere.

Due to the distance, we'll need to stay at a hotel multiple night and eat out every night, which have me being a bit nervous. This is due to the stigma of me being a 40 year old younger woman to him, and I really don't want it to look like I'm his Sugar Baby or a Gold digger. But at the same time, I would want to dress up for when we're going out to eat as it's very rare treat for me. We're also looking to share a bed and I'm worried that the reception will suspect him buying sex from me.

So I would need some advice on how we should make this look in public and/or make my worries go away? I really want our trip to be good and I really look forwards to spend some time with him away from home. I just worried that stigmas will ruin it for us.

Sadly the "Father/Daughter" approach won't work for us as it's very apparent the age gap is to big for him to be my father, but to little for him to be my grandfather. So those approaches are sadly gone.

I (40f) have just begun dating a 60m. It’s really too soon to tell what may unfold as we have lots to learn about each other. That said, we have general alignment about many important things and we can both see potential for this to graduate from being travel buddies to something more serious.

TBH, though, the age gap of 20 years has me a holding back quite a lot. I mean, he’s closer to my mom’s age than mine! (She’s 75).

Anyhow, the main barrier is that while im still in my prime. for the next 20 or so years I feel ill continue to be very active and advancing my career, while he could be slowing down in the next 10. Right now it feels like we are in the same phase of life, but it feels that could change soon.

I have this image of me becoming a caretaker super soon. When I’m 60 and still living life, he’ll be 80 and slowing down. Not to mention that, assuming I outlive him, I’ll likely be widowed earlier.

Anyhow, I’d love to hear from any folks who are in a similar age dynamic (where both partners are older than 20s and 30s, no disrespect) and how you confronted there realities.

*I get it: there is no predicting the future, tomorrow isnt promised, etc. Just curious.

I want to get to know him more, but also don’t want to waste his time or mine if age is going to be a dealbreaker for me…

Hello! I am new to this older guy thing but I don’t know if I’m just overthinking things so I figured this subreddit would be a great place to ask. This guy I am sleeping with is 15 ish years older than me, I love having sex with him but I know this will sound stupid but I don’t hear from him a lot I haven’t heard from him since this weekend. I will see him in person and we talk here and there. Am I a being dramatic or is that a common thing with older men? As of right now we are strictly a sexual relationship but as I type this out I think I’m being a bit dramatic and everything lol. I think I’m just used to my age group texting all the time but again what do I know. Just wanted to get the community’s perspective on this I guess?!

After a year of being in a relationship , I (28F) ended my relationship with my partner (46M) and it is mainly due to phone usage. As he likes to call him just being social, he is CONSTANTLY on the phone either talking or scrolling. We do not live together so we see each other a few times a week. I saw him yesterday and from the point I got to the house until about 2 hours later he was still talking on the phone. He asked me to go on a walk and he literally talked otp the whole time. I brought up that he needs to develop a balance between talking on the phone and being present with me while I’m with him and he got upset saying I’m trying to change him and make him avoid talking otp when I’m around. He thinks just because we are in each other’s presence that is enough. It is not. We’ve had many conversations about this and he used to even due it while eating dinner and I had to get onto him about that being rude so he doesn’t do that anymore but he just cannot understand where I come from on this.

I just want to feel like I’m wanted or even just acknowledged with a kiss, a hug or a small conversation before he jumps into a conversation with others. I cannot out compete his friends otp at this point and I get shut down every time I express myself on this topic. He is stuck in his ways and I don’t see him changing. Am I overreacting?

Hi! I'm Amy, 19F.

I turned 18 last February.

And I won't be apologetic about saying I prefer sex with older men.

I've been intimate with guys around my age but they never seem to appreciate my body. It feels like they only want the sex.

When I'm with an older man I notice they actually take the time to feel up my body and compliment every part of me. Even parts I never thought would get compliments. They take their time and genuinely feel like they wanna savor their time with me.

Id say I've been with around 8 men over the age of 45 and each one has been a better sex sexual experience than any of the guys my age.

I’m 19 and I started seeing a man in his 40s a couple months ago. The biggest difference isn’t even how he looks. It’s how he acts.

Guys closer to my age spend half the time asking if it’s okay, checking in every five seconds, or rushing. He pays attention, then he just takes over. I didn’t think that would get me this wet, but it does.

We keep it quiet because I know people would have something to say. I still think about it constantly. Curious if anyone else noticed the same thing after being with someone a lot older.

We met 1 month ago. First date during week 1 was amazing, we couldn't keep our hands off eachother. Week 3 was a great second date overnight at hotel. Week 4, had our third date which was 2 nights at a hotel.

I asked him what he was looking for and he said he just wants to take it slow and see where it goes. I ended up crying because there's no certainty we can meet again after each date if there's nothing keeping us together.. If that makes sense.. I know its only been a month but he's my first date, kiss..First everything. I told him on our first date that i have no experience and I will get emotionally attached. I guess he shrugged it off..

He's a very popular and insanely charismatic man. He has so many women interested in him, I think he takes dating very casually. Like its more a fun laid back thing with absolutely no rush. Which is totally fair but I'm so anxious and emotional while he's so chill about the whole thing..

Question:

Is this just how older men above 55 are? Do you guys feel way more casual and laid back about dating? No rush for anything? How long does it take to know you are ready for a relationship.

Quick simple edit..

• I know he isn't talking to or dating anyone else. He'd tell me if he was. He's very transparent. I don't think he was really looking for dating in the first place, it just kinda happened for us unexpectedly

• I was the one who initiated sex, he didn't want to do anything until I was ready. He's very patient, caring and makes sure I'm always comfortable.

Concerns:

• All his past relationships the past decade have been women over 40.. 27 & 60 is a large age gap and probably comes with certain issues..

• He's always been the one to end relationships because he "just didn't feel anything".

• He's so talkative, charismatic, silly and classy.. Whereas I'm shy and I don't talk much.. It's taking me longer to warm up and get out of my shell.. I'm worried I'm too boring

For context, I'm a 32M, almost 33.

I've had very brief discussions with people I know about how I'm more open-minded about age gaps than most. I'm not saying I'd go for any particular age, but using someone under 22 as an example here, it always ends with people refusing to understand my points or let me speak.

One of the most common things I hear people say is "You're in completely different stages of life". I've never fully understood the meaning - I've always taken it to mean she's just starting adulthood and I've been there for a while.

But to me, that's not necessarily a bad thing. I am fully aware and understand how much potential power and influence a confident, experienced older man can hold over an impressionable girl. Unfortunately creeps do exist who would abuse that dynamic, but I am proud to hold myself responsible to making sure anyone I'm with is in a safe, comfortable place.

I'm not entirely sure you can really explain this to people who refuse to listen, though.

Before this I really started to think I was falling in love with him. I’ve met his daughters (who are 20–18), his ex-father-in-law & his college best friends. His wife passed away a little over a year ago. He asked me to be his girlfriend after 4 months of us seeing each other & I’m his first girlfriend since his wife, who he met in college. We’ve only been boyfriend & girlfriend for two weeks and met on Hinge.

HOWEVER. Devastatingly, after flying out to see him (as I had done a number of times & him too), I found out through searching on his phone that he was on a SD/SB site talking to other women both before we were boyfriend and girlfriend and after. The most recent time was the same night I met one of his daughters, whilst I slept next to him.

He describes it as 🌽, “entertainment and not cheating”, “never meeting them or wanting to”, “they were up for sale & he was curious about it all” & seemed apologetic. He promised he would stop. I ripped into him. Told him how he was treating me, his family & his friends time as some kind of joke in doing this. He cried profusely. Eventually agreed it was cheating, but that’s he didn’t think that at the time he was doing it. Said he was “ashamed”, “embarrassed”, that it was “a humiliating fantasy” and cried at the thought of “how I view him changing forever” and me and my friends now viewing him as a “perverted old man”.

He said he “felt uncertain about our relationship” and “assumed I (25F), post us becoming boyfriend & girlfriend, was using our most recent meet as a test for myself to see if I was sure”. He said he felt “insecure” and thought I was still on Hinge because of notifications on my phone. I wasn’t, but he never asked me to clarify, so he never actually knew that — he just made an assumption. We were both crying.

I feel incredibly betrayed and exposed because of how vulnerable I’ve been with him. I’m a very slow person when it comes to relationships, and agreeing to have him as my boyfriend was not an easy decision for me. To get to that point with anyone meant I really, truly cared.

I was so shocked by it all. He’s the last person I would have thought to do this.

But I don’t want to be with someone who uses apps for 🌽 whilst I’m asleep next to him. That doesn’t translate to me as having self-control, respect for me, or being satisfied with our relationship. It makes me feel violated.

I’ve told him I need space to think and that it may take me a while. He seems respectful of this so far. But previously, when I told him it may all take me a while, and that even if we were to give it another shot, it would only be possible if he rebuilt that trust, he began worrying about how long that would take & mentioned he still wanted to feel like he had a girlfriend.

I told him he doesn’t get to negate how long I take to recover from what he’s done or the consequences of his actions. If he wanted this to work, the work would be hard because what he did was so detrimental to what we built and to the trust that was awarded to him in our foundation, which he has now destroyed.

He acknowledged this and apologised for selfishly looking at the recovery in terms of how it would affect him rather than me.

It’s hard speaking with my friends about this because they already weren’t fans of the age gap, and this has made them go absolutely ape shit. To the point where one of them wants to message him & push him out of my life. A couple of them have met him and did think he was a solid, good guy despite the age difference, so they were surprised and disgusted by what’s unfolded. They’re super protective of me, and he knows why. I don’t blame them. (It’s worth noting that I get where my friends are coming from with their concerns about their age gap but I’ve always fiercely defended him on this because he was my man & it didn’t matter to me that other people thought it unconventional…but now since he’s done this, I cannot possibly defend him)

I guess I just want to hear the perspective of people who have no bias towards our age gap and can look at the situation for what it is.

I care about him & his kids (in such a short time) but I also care about me, MORE.

I hope that I could meet one (not here, don’t worry, mods), and maybe they’ll treat me better than people my age. I am 30. I don’t know. I feel I am past the age limit where it’s like the 20s. I am disabled and socially shy and awkward. I don’t know if I’ve just romanticized it in my head. Plus, I am disabled. Ain’t no one who wants that. Plus being asexual I am doomed

I'm unsure how I can really explain my feelings. The first is 64 he's someone I just met who came into my life recently. Another I've known a while he's 52 and my friends Dad. There are others also who fill my thoughts often but what I'm struggling most with is just someone to support, make me feel I'm part of a community who understands how I feel. I want to take steps forward and start dating. Is it acceptable do you think to date more than one older man? Should I narrow my feelings and try to supress things? Is that healthy?

Woman around husband’s age getting flirty in an elevator with my husband. I guess she assumed I was like a niece or daughter or something. The audacity. Has this ever happened to you?

Hi everyone, this is my first ever post on Reddit, so please show some grace!

I’m 20 years old (f), and my sister is 7 years older than me. Ever since I was little, I’ve been close with a lot of her friends and have gotten used to hanging out with an “older” crowd. People who meet me usually assume I’m older, both because of the way I look and the way I carry myself.

This guy and I have gotten incredibly close over the summer. When we first met, he assumed I was around 25/26, and I assumed he was around 30. We live pretty close and started talking because my family had been talking to him and his cousins. He approached me and we spent an entire day together just talking in a friendly manner, and he asked me out on a date as we parted ways. Before I agreed to anything, I talked to my mum. She said that alrhough he was older than me, she thought he was a lovely man, and the fact that his family is quite similar to ours was a good sign. She encouraged me to at least go on one date with him.

Our date was super nice, we talked about a few deep topics and got along even better than we did during the day. During our date, I told him I was 20, and he told me he was 34. We discussed our 15 year age gap, and although we agreed that it is a HUGE age gap, we seem to understand each other quite well (not only intellectually, but also due to our specific life experiences). We went on a few more dates, and so far we seem to be super compatible.

I have always been quite outspoken about how certain age gaps never work, and this feels quite hypocritical of me. He has assured me a few times that he really likes me, but that there’s no rush to put a label on anything. I probably should’ve mentioned this earlier, but we also live in different places, so there would be an element of long distance.

My biggest worry, aside from the long distance, is that I don’t see myself getting married or “settling down” for at least another 6 years. Obviously, at 34, he may have a different timeline from me, and I don’t want either one of us to enter into something expecting the other person to eventually change their mind. This is something I’ll definitely discuss with him later on, but my main reason for posting on Reddit is to get unbiased opinions.

My mum, sister, and grandma all think that we are super compatible. They know him fairly well and obviously know me extremely well, so I do value and trust their judgement. My dad actually gets along with him too and, aside from his understandable concerns about the age difference, thinks he’s a really good guy for me - which was quite unexpected.

I can predict what some of the comments will be like (if I get any haha…) but I genuinely want to hear perspectives from people outside the situation. I’m very aware that it’s a significant age gap. I’ll also openly admit that if I were his age, I don’t think I would be going for a 20 year old. At the same time, I don’t personally feel a significant maturity gap between us (although I’m aware that I might not be the most fair and objective judge of that).

I’m genuinely open minded about this, so please give me any and all outside perspectives. I especially want to hear what red flags or potential power imbalances you would look out for if you were in my position, including things that might not seem obvious to me right now. Tell me your harsh truths!!! I genuinely want some unbiased points of view instead of validation.

I’d also really lobe to hear from people who have actually been in a similar agegap relationship, whether it worked or not, and what issues surfaced later on…

​

After getting separated from my wife, and staring down 50, I decided Fuck it, life ain't over. Go live it!

I called up a guy friend who was also recently single and said let's go see what we have been missing. We chose a bar that had a trivia night because it just seemed more casual and because I am a huge fucking trivia nerd.

Now I never thought I would be the kind of guy to chase after much younger girls, in fact I assumed younger girls would be out clubbing and women my age would be out playing trivia. But much to my surprise there were a fair amount of 20 and 30 year olds there.

My friend wasn't into trivia and just wanted to drink and scope things out, so I approached a couple 20 something girls and said "with your brains and my beauty, I think we can dominate" which got a chuckle out of them and they agreed to form a team. As a team we actually did do pretty well, they kept complimenting me on my knowledge. But it was the laughs that I think got them, especially 'Emma' who seemed to find everything I said hilarious. What I think sealed the deal in my head was when Emma was reading an answer out loud and she read the whole thing like 'Turkey (maybe spelled Turkiye)' and I leaned over and whispered "I don't think you're supposed to read the stage directions out loud" which made her snort loudly.

As the night went on it became clear that Emma's friend was not really into me, my friend, or anyone for that matter. So that made it clear that they weren't just being friendly, Emma was interested. So when the evening was finished I leaned over where both could hear and said "Well Emma, I think it was Socrates who said 'The bravest thing a man can do is ask for a girl's number in front of her friends'" her friend's jaw dropped to the floor and she was like "wow you have balls" But Emma was almost beaming, but she played it cool. She said "I'll write down my (messaging app) name" and I totally pulled it off like I knew what she was talking about.

So I got home, googled it, found out it was a messaging app, installed it on my phone and made an account. Then I had that moment like on Swingers where I wondered if I should text her then or wait a few days to seem 'Cool', but then I decided that I am already cooler than the other side of the pillow and texted her. Well she said she was hoping to hear from me sooner rather than later, and now that she was away from her wet-blanket friend she really started to open up. Emma is what we would have called a little chubby back in the day, but I think the kids now say thicc with two Cs for some reason. Large breasts, wide hips, thighs to die for. All good, I love me some curves. She had a very cute girl-next-door face and just the sweetest and brightest smile with the cutest little laugh. She really made you hope everything you say is funny because you want to see her smile and laugh. By the end of the conversation she was already sending me risque vanishing pics. I certainly lived life that night indeed.

Despite my username I don't really want to get into all the salacious details, most of that is between us and our memories. But over the next few months she definitely turned back my clock a few winds and I taught her a few new tricks from an old dog. She claimed that a lot of the things we did were firsts for her. She especially liked that I was strong enough to whisk her off her feet and when I was a little dominant with her, which suits my natural inclinations just fine. She did teach me one new trick though, I'm sure some of you can guess that. We were both busy on weekdays, but we'd spend weekends together in different hotels around our state. Then go live our separate lives during the week.

Anyway, she was very upfront when we met that she was actively seeking a job back in her home state because her mother's health was failing and the price of living in our city was getting to be too much. And eventually the day came where she got a suitable job offer. We stayed in touch for a while, but I think neither of us were under any delusions that we would pull off a LDR for any length of time. Daily text turned to weekly, turned to occasional. I suspect she found someone local, which I had actually encouraged. But I am super grateful for meeting her and feeling alive again.

Thanks for reading, I hope I didn't bore anyone because I skipped over most of the sex talk.