u/Alex-_-1982

This won’t apply to everyone.

I got really tired of the whole “commandments” list and “call me this or that”
I completely gave that up and in exchange I got subs that are more consistent. New subs enjoy it too as it ramps up slowly and I walk them thru it with patience and care.

I understand that some subs enjoy some structure and rules around a dynamic. Which is fine. But starting g off the bat with a list of commandments killed the vibe early on with many.
Instead. I become a friend. I don’t own them right away. They feel safer and more willing to try.
As a Dom we must fully understand the subs needs to provide them that pleasure and reassurance they crave.

Not to say I won’t setup rules. But they are mutually agreed and if they don’t work. Dropped.

Everyone is happy and more willing to enforce/follow.

Also, I tend to allow my subs to reach out to me. Yes. The mandatory morning txt is there. But I don’t require it. They send it and I’ve asked and it is a way for them to start the day. I quickly follow up. Because it means a lot to them.
Punishments and tasks are about the same thing for me. As a sadist I enjoy both assigning tasks and punishing.

Today, edging is a task. Tomorrow a punishment. I find it always leaves the sub guessing. In a good way and if they ask why I always clarify is not a punishment. Just something for my pleasure and theirs.

My personal rule is always “never ask for selfies”
Let the sub feel comfortable exchanging. That goes also for unrequested D pics.

Subs who had said they never would end up being more trusting. Don’t push them. The dynamic must be DYNAMIC.

Anyways.
I’ll stop rambling.

TL;DR
walked away from the normal structured dynamics into a real dynamic DYNAMIC.

Hi there. Don’t worry. It will happen.
Just need to change your approach.

What has NOT worked for me
Reaching out thru DMs first. 90% potential subs will get dozens or even hundreds of messages. They will definitely go for the one with a better opening. And that will narrow the pool to a few. Easy to fall off and never be heard of.

If you do get a bite and they reply. This is your time to step up and start a good conversation. Do the small talk first. Age. Location. Work/school. Then use that for a hook to get out of small talk.
If you stay too long in this stage you will lose their attention.
No double messaging. If you sent a message. Wait for their reply. Either they are overwhelmed by the sheer amount of messages or just got busy.

Once you are in and have their attention.
Send a selfie. Absolutely no Dick Pics. Just a nice pic of you
Never ask for one in return. Act like sharing is normal and do not complain if they do t. It is a bit harder for women to accept to share their pic but putting yourself there and without pressure reassures them that it is ok. Not pushing makes you stand out among all the other people who either attacked or sent D pics.

Now you are past the pic. Don’t make a big deal. Say thanks for any compliments. Take the fucking compliment. Don’t fight it. And again. Do not ask for a pic in return. She already knows you implied that and will send a pic if comfortable.

Take charge of the convo. Become interesting. Drive the conversation. So. It immediately engage into the BDSM. You already know she’s there for that. Remember, she’s a person above all. Treat her as such. Respectful.

When you are a few dozen messages and small talk hasn’t been left yet. This is your time to ask
“What do you expect from a dynamic”
The question is generic enough you’ll get responsws from “I dunno” to “very specific “

Go from there whichever way.
Do not make it awkward.

Impossible ask for a kink list and see how compatible. Low pressure.

At the first chance once you gather the info you wanted and see her as a possible compatible sub, move away to something she mentioned during small talk and expand on that.

Make the BdSM secondary to having a good relationship with her.
You have to build trust and communication.

She may continue to follow your lead or get you back into it.

Less is more. Don’t list the 150 item link list.
Start slow. Let her open up about the deeper links. Or curiously ask.

Don’t push.

If she bites. Then you are on your way. Is. Charted but your chances are high.

Ask if she’s considering other doms.
Gauge your completion.

If she says yes. Do not push.
Ask questions such as “is there anything in specific you are looking for that perhaps you haven’t asked me?” Or “ask what are important traits on a dom that will get a fast YES.
Be humble.

Learn to walk away.
If you aren’t compatible. Just going for it because you are desperate will lead to failure. If something doesn’t line up kindly and respectfully back out.
There have been chances were they came back a few days because that one dom she went with ended up being a pig who only wanted porn.

Accept her back.

She may still be talking to others but she came back.

Continue to the convo like if she never left.

Wait a few days of back and forth. Good mornings. Good afternoons. How was work. Etc.

Then inquire about how would she feel about a dynamic.

She has the ultimate power.

If she agrees.

DO BOT HIT HER WITH A 10 POINT RULE BOOK.

That’s a huge turn off to many. If they want rules. They will ask. Be flexible in this.

Women love to be heard. Not judged or pressured into spending they don’t feel comfortable.

By now if you still have no pics. Ask for a description of herself.

But chances are that by now you may be hit with a pic. Compliment and love on. Pics will come. Don’t push.

Anyways. My two cents.

Respect her above all. Most of them have been hurt by other doms. Be gentle. Be soft.

PS

Engage in a community geared towards the dynamic you’re looking for (like this one). Be engaging, respectful, show a willingness to learn and grow. Leave your profile open for viewing so she can see the type of person you are.

Disclaimer.
This is what I’ve learned so far. What has worked and not worked for me.
Adjust to your style. Be yourself first of all. Do t be fake. Be genuine. Some things may apply. Others may be obvious. Just wanted to help.

I found her. Well she found me
It’s been a month and I’m on heaven. She’s 18. I’m 44. The most gorgeous little thing.
Love to spoil her.
Never thought I would find her but it happened. Sucks the distance but tak everyday so it’s going greTb

43/M4F Florida looking for young inexperienced girl

Experienced with age gap relationships.
Just looking for someone who I can talk to and see where things go

Looking for a young girl 20-29 who wants to be treated well. Someone shy with daddy issues preferabl who likes to talk
I’m a daddy Dom / soft Dom. Wit experience. Very calm and patient. Fun conversations

Experienced with age gap relationships.
Just looking for someone who I can talk to and see where things go

Hi. New to the scene and very curious.

I’m looking for an experienced Dom to help me navigate this world.

I may be slow to answer but I will answer. Demanding job.

Thanks!!