Hello Friends!
We are bringing back our (or at least my) favorite time of the week.
Drop a voice note using the prompt below. It can be spicy, sweet, or just whatever’s been living in your head lately, we just like hearing you.
Green Flags:
Tell us your biggest green flag(s) in a partner! This can be SFW and/or NSFW.
We are looking forward to hearing all of your lovely voices 💚
I don't think she always realizes the moment it happens.
There isn't some dramatic shift.
It's usually something small.
She stops second-guessing my intentions. Stops waiting for the other shoe to drop. Stops wondering whether my words will match my actions.
And slowly, without even noticing, she starts relaxing around me.
That's when I know I've earned something more valuable than obedience.
I've earned her trust.
As a soft Dom, I don't want her afraid of disappointing me. I don't want her walking on eggshells, wondering what mood I'll be in or what version of me she'll get.
I want my dominance to feel steady.
She should know where she stands with me.
She should know that when I take the lead, I'm paying attention. That when I give direction, I'm not trying to diminish her. That when I hold her accountable, it's because I care enough to be consistent.
And when she gives me control, I want her to feel the difference between being controlled and being cared for.
Because I don't need her anxious to feel dominant.
I don't need her uncertain to feel powerful.
I want the opposite.
I want her to become softer because she knows I am steady.
I want her to speak honestly because she knows I will listen.
I want her to surrender because she knows I will never treat her trust casually.
The real privilege isn't watching her submit.
It's watching her realize she doesn't have to protect herself from me.
That look when the walls come down.
That quiet exhale.
That moment when she finally thinks, I can let him handle this.
That's where my dominance means the most.
Not when she fears me.
When she trusts me enough to relax in my hands.
I've never understood why caring is treated like a weakness in a man.
Especially in a Dom.
If I pay attention to the little things, communicate openly, check in on how she's feeling, and genuinely care about her experience...
that doesn't make me less dominant.
It tells her I'm paying attention.
I want to know the woman I'm leading.
What makes her feel safe.
What makes her feel seen.
Where her boundaries are.
What she needs, even when she doesn't always know how to ask for it.
But caring doesn't mean losing myself in her.
It doesn't mean chasing someone who doesn't want me.
And it doesn't mean tolerating disrespect just because I have feelings.
I can care deeply and still have standards.
I can be affectionate without being needy.
Gentle without being weak.
Firm without being cruel.
I don't need to withhold affection to create desire.
I don't need to play games to maintain power.
And I don't need a woman to fear losing me for her to value having me.
The softness is in how I treat her.
The strength is in knowing who I am.
That's what soft dominance means to me.
Not being afraid to care.
Not being afraid to lead.
And not confusing emotional distance with strength.
If I choose a woman, she'll know I care.
If she chooses to submit to me, she'll know that trust is something I'll take seriously.
Maybe that kind of Dom isn't for everyone.
That's okay.
I'd rather be completely myself than become colder just to fit someone else's idea of what a dominant man should be.
Caring isn't weakness.
Being secure enough to care without losing yourself is strength.
I’m very big into pleasing, what are some of your favorite phrases to turn on your partner or what are some the sexiest things said to you? I want to understand the verbal aspect of being a pleasure dom
Today's letter is [N]
We are working through the ABCs of kink. Drop something in the comments that relates to the pleasure Dom/sub dynamic that starts with this letter.
This could be something you would like to learn more about, or something that you have tried and want to share, or something that you know about that you think would be interesting to everyone else.
Also if you are new here, check out our previous topics on the ABCs of kink mega thread pinned on the top of the page.
This won’t apply to everyone.
I got really tired of the whole “commandments” list and “call me this or that”
I completely gave that up and in exchange I got subs that are more consistent. New subs enjoy it too as it ramps up slowly and I walk them thru it with patience and care.
I understand that some subs enjoy some structure and rules around a dynamic. Which is fine. But starting g off the bat with a list of commandments killed the vibe early on with many.
Instead. I become a friend. I don’t own them right away. They feel safer and more willing to try.
As a Dom we must fully understand the subs needs to provide them that pleasure and reassurance they crave.
Not to say I won’t setup rules. But they are mutually agreed and if they don’t work. Dropped.
Everyone is happy and more willing to enforce/follow.
Also, I tend to allow my subs to reach out to me. Yes. The mandatory morning txt is there. But I don’t require it. They send it and I’ve asked and it is a way for them to start the day. I quickly follow up. Because it means a lot to them.
Punishments and tasks are about the same thing for me. As a sadist I enjoy both assigning tasks and punishing.
Today, edging is a task. Tomorrow a punishment. I find it always leaves the sub guessing. In a good way and if they ask why I always clarify is not a punishment. Just something for my pleasure and theirs.
My personal rule is always “never ask for selfies”
Let the sub feel comfortable exchanging. That goes also for unrequested D pics.
Subs who had said they never would end up being more trusting. Don’t push them. The dynamic must be DYNAMIC.
Anyways.
I’ll stop rambling.
TL;DR
walked away from the normal structured dynamics into a real dynamic DYNAMIC.
Friends. Friends.
I have been celibate for four years because of a dead bedroom. I have been a good partner and been there to support and standby a while the person I thought loved me did nothing to improve or change our situation.
I'm a genuine nurturer and I just want people to be happy.. but sex has always been incredibly important to me at least 30–40% of a relationship, and for the last four years, I had to shear that part of myself off just to survive and exist
OK, well do I have a story for you guys.
I told my ex I was done.
I've been contemplating this for a while and I knew it was coming. I just didn't know at what point I was going to finally make a dating/hook up profile and at this point I kinda just like resigned myself to existence. I'm 36 years old and I had an amazing 20s so it was like.🤷🏻♀️
I made one dating profile on one app. I ended up with 500 matches in 48 hours, and I matched with four people on my end, scrolling photos one night.
The next morning, a man reached out to me.
I thought he was super cute, we're almost the exact same age and hell why not. Be nice to flirt for once.
It's been a one whirlwind ass month of this man, pulling me in and out of reality with so much pleasure, just like pure joy?
I've never had anybody be so kind. I've never had anybody look at me with such hunger? Had a lot of sex. This is something different.
It's like I somehow hit a universal lottery.
The way you guys function is something so beautifully special, I can't even put into words and I feel like last month I just somehow tripped into some weird parallel dimension where people like you guys exist. 😭😭😭
We have a date set up for this Saturday and I can't wait. It's Monday morning at 10 AM. How am I supposed to wait until Saturday? HOW?!
And honestly, he might be active on this sub. If you are hi baby! 😆
Fuck.
I don't know at what point it happened, but one day I woke up and realized that neediness/clinginess is the number one thing I look for in a sub. Of course it's nice if they say "daddy" and they are into the same kinks as me. But more than anything else? I need to be on their mind. I want them to struggle to focus if they haven't heard from me in a few minutes. They will fold their arms and stamp their feet to the ground if I haven't given them the attention they crave.
Why did that become the thing I seek the most? Maybe it's a power thing...the notion that the other person can't properly function without my attention, my care, my guidance.
When a little jumps into my arms, wraps her legs around me like a koala and refuses to let go? That's all I need as a pleasure dom, because I know I am giving her what she really needs.
When I am between her thighs with my tongue and she grips my hair like it's a life preserver? That's her holding onto me for dear life while her world spins.
When she begs me to fill her? Her ankles on my shoulders? Begs me to breed her? It's because she wants my seed with her, my presence with her, at all times.
It’s been a long time since I wrote anything…
But here you go — the pics for your imagination.
https://www.reddit.com/r/softmaledom/s/Cj4i9QqOgJ
\\-
Running after you on the beach in nothing but swimwear.
You flashed me for half a second, that little bratty grin already on your face as you took off, putting distance between us on purpose just so I’d chase you.
I catch up.
Tackle you gently into the sand, both of us rolling, laughing, until the waves reach us and splash over our bodies. Sand sticks to every inch of skin. I hold you tighter when the next wave crashes, keeping you against me as we lay there for a moment, salt water and sand mixing between us.
Then I pick you up and carry you to the outdoor shower.
I set you down under the spray and turn it on, letting the water run over you first. My hands follow it — slow, deliberate, washing every inch of my pretty beach bunny. Sliding under the straps of your lingerie, peeling it just enough to wipe the sand away from your skin. Fingers brushing over your nipples, watching the way you already start to whimper for me.
Hands move lower. Over your ass, brushing the sand off the same careful way. Then between your thighs, fingers slipping into your folds, gently cleaning every bit of sand while I keep my eyes on your face.
I take the shower head off the holder.
Slide it slowly under the edge of your bottoms. Increase the pressure just enough. Steady. Controlled. Until your knees weaken and you’re holding onto me, whimpering into my chest as you come, collapsing against me.
I kiss your forehead.
Keep you close while I slowly grind the hard length of me against your belly through my shorts… staying right there with you until I’m in the mood to write part two.
For the pretty ones who like being chased, cleaned, and taken care of.
I am a mid-50s bi-curious/bi without experience male, whose fantasies and turn-ons predominantly revolve pleasure giving to other males, females or couples in a consensual, encouraging and non-degrading way. Receiving physical pleasure in return is not an essential part of the fantasy, as the psychological arousal from giving pleasure or being used for pleasure is the main driver. Although I am fairly certain that I am bi, I am also turned on by the idea of bi encouragement from a female partner. I haven't had much exposure to kink communities and I am fairly new to Reddit, so am not sure whether this a common dynamic or not and/or whether that means that I am considered to be submissive or not. Part of this fantasy also involves cleaning up with my mouth afterwards, so I don't know whether this dynamic also strays into cuckolding as well. Whilst I am not fixated on labels or pigeon-holing myself, I would be interested in hearing your thoughts about this and any advice you may have for me. Thank you.
I think one of the easiest things to misunderstand about submission is what a woman is actually giving you when she chooses to submit.
It's not just obedience.
It's trust.
She's trusting me with the parts of herself that she doesn't show everyone.
The part that wants to let go.
The part that wants to be guided instead of always having to decide.
The part that sometimes wants to stop being the strong one in the room.
And I don't take that lightly.
Because when she submits to me, she's not handing over her worth.
She's not giving up her voice.
She's not asking me to make her smaller.
She's trusting me enough to let me see her without all the armor.
That's what makes her submission meaningful to me.
Not that she follows my lead, but that she feels safe enough to choose it.
Not that she obeys me, but that she trusts my intentions.
Not that she needs me to make decisions for her, but that sometimes she wants to be able to stop making them herself.
And I think that's where the responsibility of being a Dom really begins.
If she's giving me her trust, I need to give her something worthy of trusting.
Consistency.
Honesty.
Patience.
Attention.
A willingness to listen when she speaks and an understanding that her submission doesn't cancel out her boundaries, her opinions, or her individuality.
I don't want a woman who submits because she doesn't know how to stand on her own.
I want a woman who can stand perfectly well on her own and still choose to kneel beside me.
Because then her submission isn't weakness.
It's a choice.
And every time she chooses it, I want her to know that I understand what she's really giving me.
Not her power.
Not her identity.
Her trust.
And that's something I'll never treat casually.
I’m looking for some advice, because I feel like I’m overthinking something that probably just requires better communication.
I’m in a committed poly relationship, and recently met a woman who is in a committed open marriage. We’ve only met once so far, but the connection was intense, fun, and very natural. She’s a bratty sub, which I really enjoy!
One thing that makes this situation a little different for me is that she and her partner create porn together. I have absolutely no issue with that. But I’ve caught myself worrying about how I come across. I don’t want her to feel like I’m approaching her through the lens of her work.
I’m interested in her, and in whatever dynamic develops naturally between us. I don’t want her to feel fetishized because of what she does professionally. she’s not expressed feeling this way.. it’s in my head at this point.
The bigger issue is that I’m finding myself strangely hesitant to ask her what she likes, what she wants, what kind of attention she responds to, what she needs from a Dom, etc.
We’ve been lightly texting/ flirting since we met, but I feel like I’m struggling to open that door through texting. I guess I’m feeling a bit vulnerable about “being too much”
My question is:
How do other Pleasure Doms create that space early on?
Do you proactively ask questions about what she likes and wants? If so, what kinds of questions have actually led to meaningful conversations rather than feeling like an interview?
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I think one of the most intimate things a Dom can give a submissive woman isn't an instruction.
It's permission.
Permission to say what she wants without feeling embarrassed about it.
Permission to admit when she needs more attention, more reassurance, more affection.
Permission to say, "I want this," without worrying that she's asking for too much.
I never want a woman to feel like she has to become an expert at hiding her needs just to be easy to be with.
If she wants me closer, I want her to know she can tell me.
If she needs reassurance, I want her to feel safe asking for it.
If there's something she's curious about, I want her to know she can bring it to me without fear of being judged.
Because submission shouldn't mean learning how to stay silent.
It should mean becoming comfortable enough to speak honestly.
And as a Dom, I think part of my responsibility is creating that kind of space.
Not assuming I always know what she needs.
Not expecting her to communicate perfectly.
But listening when she does speak, paying attention when she struggles to find the words, and showing her through my actions that her wants matter to me.
I don't want obedience that comes from uncertainty.
I want trust that comes from knowing she can tell me the truth.
Because there is something incredibly beautiful about a woman who eventually stops wondering, "Am I allowed to ask for this?"
And simply realizes:
"I can tell him what I want. He'll listen."
That's the kind of submission I value.
Not silence.
Not guessing.
Not making herself smaller.
Just enough trust to let her desires have a voice.
I think there's something beautiful about the moment a strong woman finally realizes she doesn't have to hold everything together anymore.
Not because she's become weaker, and not because I've taken anything away from her, but because she's decided she can trust me enough to carry some of the weight.
She can stop planning every detail. Stop anticipating every problem. Stop wondering whether someone else will follow through.
She can simply breathe, settle into herself, and let me take the lead. I'll still want her opinions, her honesty, and her strength.
But when she's with me, I want her to know she doesn't have to use all of them at once.
That's what her submission means to me.
Not helplessness. Trust.
Not fear. Safety.
Not losing herself. Having enough confidence in me to finally put the armor down.
And when she does, I won't take that surrender for granted. I'll meet it with patience, consistency, affection, and the quiet certainty that she can lean on me when she needs to.
Because sometimes the most powerful thing a Dom can give a strong woman isn't another challenge to overcome.
It's a place where she doesn't have to overcome anything at all.
I undress you ... button by button. Snap by snap. Clasp and hook ... one at a time. Slowly. My eyes at your eyes. I slide your panties to the floor and on my way back up, a gentle kiss on your belly.
I lay you down on your back. I oil my hands and gently, but firm enough so as not to tickle, I massage your feet. Your Toes. Your heal. We have time. There is not need to rush. We are here together, for each other. Right now, it's me ... for you.
I work my way to your ankles. Your eyes are closed. Your muscles are all relaxed. Your mind drifting. Maybe you are visualizing the beach? The ocean. The cool air.
To your knees, and to your thighs. I take my time. Your outer thigh. Your inner thigh. I gently slide your legs apart just enough ... just enough so that I can move my hands all the way.
I pause for a moment just to put two gentle kisses on the inside of each thigh. Your exhale tells me you are happy. I run my fingers through that adorable patch of hair and then rest a warm hand on your pussy. And I pause.
My hands now travel up your stomach. Slowly, slowly to your breasts. A gently, but firm massage of each breast. No need to rush. Your breath guides me. I pay close attention to your nipples. Strong hands.
My hands travel to your neck, to the sides of your head and I run my finger through your hair. Standing next to you, I lower my body and bring my lips to yours. A slow gentle kiss at first. But you press harder, inviting me to join you in a very passionate kiss. A very .... passionate kiss. We are lost together.
While we continue to kiss ... ever so deeply ... my hand slowly travel down your body. Past your breasts, over your stomach, again through your delicate patch... and I find your pussy. Again, you signal me with an gently but inviting spreading of your legs just to let my hand, again, find your pussy. A finger slips between, in a slow ... very slow ... touch of your clit. A gently caress of your clit, your kisses telling me I am where I should be.
One finger slides into you. Slowly, gently. Then then slides out. Then two fingers slide into you. And out. And back in again but faster. And faster still. I have found your g-spot. I give it all the attention it deserves. My fingers moving faster and faster now. You start to tremble. You stop kissing me because you tilt your head back, your mouth open. My fingers go faster and faster. You shake. You moan. That feeling travels down your spine. And then... like the ocean you were seeing earlier in you mind, the wave crashes. My fingers still inside you, now back to being ever so slow. Your blood settles.
You reach over and slide down my shorts. With eyes closed, in total release, you take me in your mouth. Your warm mouth, your tongue. Now it's me that moans. Now it's me that opens his mouth and tilts back my head. My finger, still gently sliding in and out of you.
Then you sit up, take me by the hand and lay me down where you just were. The roles are changing. My cock is like a rod, straight up in the air as I lay on my back. You sit on my legs and take my cock into your hands. Your warm, soft hands slowly sliding up and down. One hand cups my balls. Now it's me, eyes closed, but far far from relaxed as I feel your hands on my cock.
Then you get up, move forward and slide my cock, slowly... into you. Our breaths are now in sync as we both feel each other. You lean forward and bring your face, your eyes to mine. We look deeply into each other as my cock slides in and out of you just as deeply.
Again, we kiss, with passion as we did before. Your movement become faster. Our kisses resort to nothing more than faces touching as we are both moaning, saying each others name. You ride me, up and down, you sit up and ride me. Faster and faster.
And then there is no holding back. My balls explode, cum surges out of me. You cry out with a glorious orgasm at the very same time.
And then we stop. All motion stops for just a moment. And then you collapse onto my chest. My cock still inside you. We kiss, deeply. And then lay together, just like this ...for we don't know how long. And we don't care
This is the time I would like to spend with you. Would you like to spend it with me?
Today's letter is [M]
We are working through the ABCs of kink. Drop something in the comments that relates to the pleasure Dom/sub dynamic that starts with this letter.
This could be something you would like to learn more about, or something that you have tried and want to share, or something that you know about that you think would be interesting to everyone else.
Also if you are new here, check out our previous topics on the ABCs of kink mega thread pinned on the top of the page.
I don’t need to make her feel small to know I’m the one in control.
I want her strong.
I want her capable. I want her to know her worth. I want her to have a life, a mind, and a presence of her own.
Because when a woman like that chooses to submit to me, I know she isn’t doing it because she has no strength.
She’s doing it because she trusts mine.
And when she’s with me, she doesn’t need to prove how strong she is.
She doesn’t need to carry everything.
She doesn’t need to make every decision.
She can simply let me take the lead.
I’ll give her direction when she needs it.
Firmness when she tests me.
Reassurance when she needs it.
And the certainty of knowing she doesn’t have to wonder who is in charge.
I’m not threatened by a strong woman.
I expect her to be strong.
But I also expect her to know when she’s with me, she can let go.
Because I’m not trying to overpower who she is.
I’m giving her a man she can trust enough to surrender control to.
And once she gives me that trust, I intend to handle it like a Dom should.
What’s one kink you could never give up?
For me? A good voice. 😮💨
There’s just something about a deep, firm, slightly sultry voice giving me a simple command that makes my brain go completely quiet.
Like… you don’t even have to say much. It’s how you say it.
Give me that calm, confident tone with just enough authority behind it and suddenly I’m like, “well… I guess I’m listening.” 😂
And if you throw in a “princess” or a good honorific? Ugh. I’m sat. Immediately.
Kneeling in position, obviously. 😌
Honestly, I could probably live without a lot of things, but take away the voice kink? Absolutely not. What’s yours?
