The 3 Main ways of Finding a Dom

This is by no means a comprehensive list of all the ways to find a Dom or How to vent a Dom this is a basic list of three of the most common places to find and connect with Dom's that outlines the basic pros and cons of each method i am aware there are more subreddits and kink related dating apps

Reddit

So in no particular order Number one is Reddit there are many sub Reddits dedicated towards finding partners in the bdsm space. The biggest one is probably r/BDSMpersonals obviously looking for a dom on reddit isn't the easiest or greatest but it comes with a few pros and cons

Pro's

• wider range of people

• Anonymity

• Ease of access

Con's

• Quick flings

• Blackmail (i've seen it a lot)

• Ghosting

Fetlife

Fetlife is basically like Reddit, but its all about BDSM. its a social media platform built around kinks and fetishes. but it is a great place to network and learn about kink related events in your area such as munches dungeons and workshops.

Pro's

• local events

• more kink centric

• More for posting/networking then finding a dom

Con's

• Learning curve fetlife is not as easy to use as reddit

• Can be more local if that is concerning or worrying to you

• Still bad actors so you need to be careful of who and what you share

Real Life/Event's

So in at number 3 we have real life events which obviously will come with there own set challenges and benefits if you meet someone at a munch or a dungeon and hit it off they are local to you this obviously brings its own risks and rewards

Pro's

• Networking

• Potential matches are local to your area

• Better chance of vibing with the right person and getting to sense their energy

Con's

• Anyone you meet is probably closer to your house it isn't as easy to block someone

• Social anxiety/Social experiences

• Feeling not skilled enough to be welcomed

I see you.

And I ain't gonna hold you its a beautiful sight. Whether you got Them bundles, wearing your natural, a baldy, or even if you got your hair put up in your bonnet right now, i see you.

It's a small thing, you know, being seen. But as somebody who's been overlooked before, it can bring the sunshine through the darkest thunderstorm.

Maybe the thunderclouds are on your mind, though.

You just walked through the front door and I can already see the absolute exhaustion sitting right on your shoulders. You kicked your shoes off, dropped your bag on the floor, you threw your bra halfway across the room. Your pants flew the opposite direction. And you let out a deep, heavy sigh.

Damn near ancestral.

The kind that tells me you spent the entire day dealing with microaggressions at work, managing everybody elses fragile feelings, and pretending like you got it all completely together. Maybe you had to deal with that bitch at the job who’s nosy as hell, and you just don’t like her ass. Maybe a coworker is saying weird shit to you and you're debating if you should even report it or not, because you know the last time somebody tried to report something, HR tried to flip it on her. You don't want to have to deal with that stress on top of everything else you've got going on.

maybe you've adapted. You don't talk to anyone now at work. you keep it strictly business and go about yours, and they mind theirs. They probably think you got a resting bitch face. If anything, you've got resting "damn can a nigga just live" face.

The world demands so much from Black women.

They expect you to be the mule, the therapist, the fixer. the emotional labor people expect from you with nothing in return. The audacity they have to expect that from you. Those types of expectations can gnaw away at your sanity. like you gotta be bulletproof the exact second you step outside your house because nobody is offering you any grace. You spend all your energy pouring into people who only know how to take. and they take so much from us.

They mock the way we speak. They mock our culture and the way we look, trying to make us hate ourselves, and then have the unmitigated gall and fucking audacity to try to emulate us: the way we speak, our features, hell even our hair.

But you are inside now. And Im looking right at you.

Stop moving.

Dont go to the kitchen to start cooking.

I'll handle that.

Dont start picking up around the living room.

Come here.

I got you.

Im pulling you directly into my chest. Im six foot And thick like your favorite weighted blanket, so you can't hurt me. I can take over any burdens you got.

Im wrapping my big heavy arms around you so completely that you literally cant move. I want you to smell my cologne and just sink into me. Feel my heartbeat against your cheek.

Im an immovable object. Even an unstoppable force isn't Strong enough to take me away from you.

I want you to let all that hyper-independent, boss woman energy that they put on you and make you claim just so you can feel a shread of control over the narrative, take it all and just crash right into me and completely shatter.

I'm big and strong I'll hold you up.

Im taking your phone right out of your hand and tossing it on the couch.Fuck the algorithms that keep us angry. Fuck the way they show you upsetting comments that you don't need to see, and fuck the way it tries to make you feel less than when you are more.

Im reaching around your back and slowly scratching your back right where your bra was at. I know it's itchy. I know it'll be bothering you. I want to make sure that you feel some relief.

I just want to be in this moment with you. So we're going to breathe together.

Breathe in very slowly theough your nose.

I want you to imagine your lungs filling up with all the air they can hold.

And breathe out slowly through your mouth.

Exhale away all the bullshit. Everything you've been holding in. Everything that's kept your spine straight. Everything that's kept you on edge today.

Good girl. I'm so proud of you.

Let's do one more. I want you to breathe in like you want to hold every single ounce of air that you can hold in through your nose. So slow, but never stopping until you're full.

I want you to hold it calmly. Don't try to hold it until your face turns blue (well, if our faces could change colors Like that, you know 😂).

But hold it until you feel like you've had enough, and then I want you to exhale so slowly. Just close your eyes and be in that moment with me, because I'm doing it right here along with you.

Imagine you have your hands on my chest, feeling it rise and fall in time with yours, leading you, letting you know when to inhale and when to exhale.

You don't gotta make any decisions right now.

I got you.

If you got a wig on, take it off. If you got braids or locs, Im sliding my fingers in and massaging your scalp right between the parts. Im rubbing the tension right out of your edges. ill even get the oil later for a real scalp massage

"You dont have to be strong in here."

Im whispering it right into your ear so my deep voice vibrates straight down your spine.

Im going to pick you up.

I dont care if you think you are heavy, I can squat a defensive lineman, you aint shit to me.

You are light as a feather.

Im carrying you straight to the bathroom because I already ran the hot water. You see, a forward-thinking nigga like me already planned out the whole evening. I've thought of everything. You ain't got to make no decisions; you gotta just exist and be.

Im going to strip those clothes off your gorgeous brown skin and sit you down in the tub. I've already got your favorite playlist playing, and candles light up the whole bathroom. I also got your favorite kind of candy, ready for you when you're hungry.

But for now, let me pamper you.

Let's wash away today's stress.

My heavy hands covered in suds, tracing the curve of your back, working the deep knots out of your neck and massaging your thighs. I am washing the stress of the day right down the drain. You are just going to sit there and let me pamper you because you deserve to be served For once.

"People are not a monolith. We are diverse and full of multitudes."

I'm a scholar, but even I don't know who to attribute this quote to. I heard it a long time ago and I've always loved it, because I think about myself in moments like these; I always think about it.

There's this caretaker part of me who dotes over you and makes sure your wants and needs are taken care of. I might have to ask once but after that I got you. You won't have to have the fatigue of explaining something over and over again..

Then there's this dominant side to me. He's More stern, he's so certain and he makes sure his instructions are followed to the letter. He can be demanding because he believes in you so thoroughly. He always believes you will rise to the occasion as much as he believes the sun will rise tomorrow.

Suffice to say, niggas have multitudes within us.

I just lifted you out of that hot bath and wrapped you in a thick towel. You are completely clean and smelling like heaven.

Im laying you down gently on the edge of the mattress. Im grabbing that bottle of warm body oil and shea butter lotion off the nightstand and pouring the oil into my palms.

Im rubbing my big heavy hands together to get it nice and hot, and Im massaging it all over your beautiful brown skin. I am making sure you are glowing from head to toe, rubbing that good shea butter lotion deep into your knees and elbows because Im absolutely not letting my babygirl go to sleep ashy lmao.

Im keeping you soft, hydrated, and perfect.

If youre reading this in your bed rightnow, I want you to follow along. Let my words guide your hands. if you're not alone just imagine this is a movie in your mind.

Since I am massaging that warm oil into your thighs, I want you to take your own hands and slowly rub up and down your thighs. Feel how soft your skin is. Imagine the heavy weight of my hands pressing down on you, working the deep tension out of your muscles.

Im going to kiss every single inch of you. I want to completely erase that damn job from your memory. I want to make you forget about the emails, the microaggressions, the bills, the family drama, all of it.

Tonight your only job is to receive. I am going to worship you until you forget your own name.

Slide your hand up and slip it under your panties for me. Take your middle and ring finger and coat them in your own wetness. Im parting your legs and Im burying my face right between your thighs. You taste like absolute perfection and Im going to consume you like Im starving.

Start making slow gentle circles around your clit. I want you to match the exact rhythm of my tongue. As you read this, imagine my mouth sliding over your wetness, coating my tongue . its your ultimate expression of just how Good I'm making you feel.

Im gripping your hips with my big hands to hold you securely in place. No need to Even try to run.

Speed those circles up just alittle bit. You can handle it I believe in you Just go a little bit faster for me. Press down a little harder.

I want you to feel that heavy throb building up in the pit of your stomach. When you try to squirm away because the pleasure is getting entirely too intense, Im taking one hand and pinning both of your wrists above your head. You dont have to be strong rightnow shawty.

Resist The urge

You are completely safe in my grip, but you are completely out of control. That juxtaposition is crazy but I know you're getting closer.

Closer still.

Bring yourself right up to the absolute edge. I want your toes curling and your breath hitching.Because that's exactly how I'm going to do you.

Imagine my tongue is going as fast as your fingers.

Imagine how good it will be to finally get that relief, to finally come for me: to put an exclamation point on this entire orgasmic experience.

When you feel like you are about to explode

Stop.

Stop right now.

Pull your hand away completely.

Im pulling my mouth back and just breathing slow cool air against your throbbing clit. I want you whining and begging me to put my mouth back on you. I want to hear how desperate you are.

Then Im diving right back in.

Put your hand back and rub faster this time. Im not just making you cum once tonight. A Goddess deserves more than that. Im going to edge you and break you down until you are shaking and crying from the pleasure. Im going to make you cum over and over again until your brain is nothing but pure blinding white light.

Push yourself over the edge for me rightnow.

Let it go.

Squeeze your thighs together and just melt into the mattress while you orgasm. Im swallowing every single drop of your release, humming against you while you ride out the waves.

And as soon as you catch your breath, Im going right back to work on your clit to build up orgasm number two. hell maybe three

When you are finally completely exhausted and you have given me everything,Im pulling your body right onto my chest.

Im slipping your silk bonnet onto your head so your hair stays perfect while you sleep. Im going to pull the covers up, roll us a blunt, order whatever you want to eat on DoorDash, and hold you tight.

You are safe here beloved.

You are wanted here.

The world can wait outside the door.

Let us make a home here in this moment.

Tomorrow can wait.

• I am the executive producer of my own mood if a vibe doesn't match my aesthetic, it gets cut from the final edit.
• My energy is expensive I don't waste high value charm on low-budget drama.
• I don’t just walk into a room I improve it My presence is an immediate upgrade to the atmosphere
• My boundaries are beautifully non-negotiable I say "No" with a smile and zero explanations.
• I am allowed to be a little bit dramatic about how much I love the direction my life is heading.
• My intuition is completely flawless it whispers the answers and I just smile and enjoy the spoilers.
• I’m not looking for a spotlight when my own natural glow is already illuminating the whole space.
• Today's schedule is packed with making moves, looking cute, and being entirely unforgettable.
• I am my own favorite plot twist.

Doing activities together is a great way to deepen your connection with your Dom/Sub, be it cooking, reading, watching a move or gaming together! There is always a shared interest you can explore with your partner!

I'll start:

Me and my Sub used to play pokémon together, we would battle using random teams and the winner would win a free question (it could be anything, within our boundaries) to ask the loser. We used these moments to do check ins, do small requests or get to know each even more!

I've also started reading her favorite manga, so we could discuss about it when we were just fooling around.

What about you guys? What are some bonding activities you do with your Dom/Sub?

I have been researching long distance partner sex toys for days. While I am pretty sure of what I want, I am still indecisive and not entirely settled. I am reading so many mixed reviews online.

I have narrowed it down to five:
• SVAKOM Erica
• Lovense Dolce
• Lovense Flexer
• Lovense Osci 3
• Lovense Lush 4

I am looking for feedback from anyone who has tried any of these.

Hello! I don't know if others will share this opinion but I noticed that a lot of the writings that get posted here are erotic in nature. There's nothing wrong with that but I think that there's a lot of space for non-sexual stories so I thought I would take a shot.

I'm not really happy with how this turned out but I wrote it in one sitting and just wanted to have it for people to read, even if it isn't great or anything special. Still, I hope you enjoy!

---

He heard the door open and waited for her voice to echo through the halls. But nothing came. He peaked around the corner from the kitchen as the door quietly clicked close and saw her head hanging slightly. He turned the stove off and set his spoon down before making his way towards her

"Welcome home. How was work?" His voice was soft and smooth. Her head snapped to him and he saw a scary mix of frustration and anger that he had never seen from her before.

"My boss is stealing my work, someone stole my lunch, I'm not getting the promotion I was promised, and my coworkers treat me like trash." Her voice started full of venom but get softer and weaker until it sounded like she was about to pass out.

He stepped forward and reached for her shoulder and she shrank away from his touch. Not out of fear of him or worry of what he would do, but for fear of breaking down at his touch. She could feel the burning in her eyes and tried to hide her face. He gave her a second then put his hand on her shoulder to pull her into his chest. The moment she felt his shirt on her face, she brought her arms around him weakly and started to sob against him.

He put his arms around her and held her close without a word. He moved one hand up to the back of her head and kissed the top of her head softly. After a few moments, her sobs slowed and she was left sniffling against him.

He kept his hold of her and spoke softly. "I'm going to take your jacket off, sweetheart. Then I'm going to help you take your shoes off. Okay?"

She nodded against his chest and he did as he told her he would. He slid her jacket off her shoulders and hung it on the hook by the door before kneeling in front of her and lifting each foot to take her shoes off. He stood back up and took her hands in his. He led her to the couch and sat down before pulling her to him. He held her close and laid down with her on his chest. He rubbed her back slowly and placed his other hand on the back of her head. He spoke quietly with a soothing tone that he knew she loved.

"I've got you, beautiful. Just breathe for me. Don't think about anything other than you and me right now. All that matters is that you are home and I'm right here with you. You don't have to be strong right now. You don't have to think. You don't have to worry. Let your stress and worry fade away and sink into me."

As he spoke, her brain started to feel lighter. Her arms wrapped around him and she held on tight to him. She felt a few more tears leak out from her closed eyes but there were no fresh ones coming. She listened to his words and felt the stress slowly fading away. He felt her relaxing in his arms and smiled to himself.

"You're safe here, baby. I've got you. Now that you've relaxed a little, I want you to go get changed while I finish dinner. I want you to take a warm shower and wash away the rest of the day then put on your soft pajamas. When you come down, I'll have dinner ready and we can pick something to watch together. Does that sound good?"

She raised her head slightly and looked up at him. She smiled and nodded before speaking softly.

"That sounds perfect. Thank you, baby."

Hey everyone! Everything discussed here comes from my experience as a Dom, take it with a grain of salt.

I've been lurking for a while and some of the rants i have seen in here feels like a lack of communication, from both sides.

We're in a time where people seek quick and instant gratification and when they don't get it, they will move on to their source of gratification and someone always get hurt.

So, to try and remedy that, make sure to always communicate your needs, your wants, your boundaries and your deal breakers. Make sure to emphasize your boundaries and deal breakers, those are important!!

Your Dom/Domme should be your safe space, they should be where you can be vulnerable and open about yourself. If they refuse to listen to your feelings, your needs or boundaries, it is time to rethink your dynamic!!!

But remember, communication goes both ways! So make sure to listen to your Dom/Domme needs and wants too. Remind them that you're also their safe space and that they can be vulnerable and open with you!

Hope this could be of any help, stay safe everyone 🫶

Hi! For those of you who are submissive and looking to meet a dom, I wanted to provide specific examples of what fake doms say and why these are huge red flags.

I'm sharing my experiences as a submissive actively in this lifestyle, with multiple lovely doms over the years. I've met quite a few fake and toxic doms, too, so I've seen both the excellent and the awful.

Let's get into it!

---

"I expect absolute submission. Safewords and limits don't exist with me. I don't have limits and neither should you."

❌️ No, no, and NO!!!! Everyone has limits!! There is NO such thing as absolute submission. Every single person out there has things they are deeply uncomfortable doing. Would you commit heinous crimes or severely injure yourself for a dom? No? Then you have limits!!

💡 Fake doms say these things to abuse you and cross your boundaries. Plain and simple. They want you to have NO concern for your own safety or theirs which allows them to manipulate you as a submissive. Fake doms ESPECIALLY prey upon inexperienced submissives by saying this. They're trying to tell you exactly what to think.

✅️ Real Doms know how absolutely dangerous it is to play with a submissive who has no limits, and would never say they have no limits of their own. They also understand that submission is earned, not demanded.

"I love training or mentoring new submissives."

❌️ Run for the hills if you hear this!! It sounds innocent enough, yes. But what it really means is that this fake dom wants to TAKE ADVANTAGE of your inexperience to manipulate you. Full stop.

💡 I know what you're thinking: but what if I am an inexperienced submissive? Wouldn't this dom be the right person for me? NO. Any dom who immediately tells you they like training new subs knows that you are more likely to not know RIGHT from WRONG and wants to cross your boundaries and consent. They think you are too NAIVE and GULLIBLE to know that their behaviors are ABUSIVE.

✅️ A real Dom doesn't go around advertising themselves as a new submissive trainer. Real Doms are confident in themselves and willing to put in the time and effort with ANY submissive, not just new submissives they know are more susceptible to being manipulated.

"I'm a dom because I have X years of experience."

❌️ No! That is NOT what makes someone a dom. Anyone leading with that when they meet you is a red flag, especially if they use that as the ONLY reason to explain why they're a dom.

💡 Fake doms use this as a lazy way to get you to trust them. They know that inexperienced submissives will feel more comfortable if THEY seem experienced. It's also a way for them to establish an UNSAFE power dynamic between you, because now you feel like you "owe" them your submission because they are more "experienced" than you. A fake dom can be an abuser for X years, too, and that sure as heck doesn't make them qualified. So their "years of experience" mean absolutely nothing about whether they'll be respectful and keep you safe.

✅️ A real Dom is confident that their ability to be a dom will be seen through conversations and their behavior. They know very well that only what they DO means anything, not how long they've been doing it. Of course, saying they've had experience with other submissives before is good to know, but should NEVER be their only qualification.

"I'm great at communication. You can trust me."

❌️ Why oh why is this a red flag?? Because this is a tactic fake doms use to try and make you submit to them quickly and without proper boundary conversations!! They say exactly what you want to hear so that you don't think too long about if they're a good person or not. "Consent matters to me." "Submission is a gift." "I'd never doxx you." The more they say these things immediately and without elaborating further, the bigger the smokescreen.

💡 Fake doms talk like this because they are trying to speed things up with you. They say kinky buzzwords to sound experienced. They hope that you're inexperienced and that they can SKIP PAST the vetting and very real conversations you need to have as Dom/sub. They want to take advantage of you by telling you exactly what you're supposed to think about them, without giving you the chance to form that opinion yourself!

✅️ A real Dom will never label their virtues like this because they know that their consistent actions will prove what a great dom they are. AND real Doms understand that the submissive needs time to decide if they trust the dom. Submission is EARNED through respect, not telling a submissive exactly what they should think.

🔔 Rapid-fire round! 🔔

"You will do exactly what I say, whenever I say it. That is how to be submissive.

❌️ Again, any person telling you exactly how to be or think is TRYING TO MANIPULATE YOU!!!

"Come on, why won't you send me a nude already?! You're being a bad submissive."

❌️ No, they're being an asshole and very clearly someone who can't be trusted to respect boundaries. AND they're trying to tell you how to think, which is a classic manipulation tactic.

"I expect you to be available to me at all times to satisfy my needs."

❌️ Sure this sounds hot in theory, but submissives have REAL LIVES!!! Demanding this out of someone immediately is horribly inappropriate and shows that this person is a fake dom who doesn't understand that SUBMISSION IS EARNED and you need to discuss your expectations!

---

Thank you for reading! I hope these help you spot a fake dom 🚨❌️ Feel free to ask questions or share your own red flags for others to learn from!

1.You are safe here beloved.

2. You are loved here.

3. The world can wait outside the door.

4. In here, in our safe place, you belong to me.

---

I ain't gonna hold you shawty, I can hear the gears turning in your head from across the room. Its a well oiled machine. Spiraling thoughts in a perpetual tsunami.

You are sitting there and physically you are present but mentally you are miles away. You are worrying about that email you sent. Your job that's so demanding. You are replaying a conversation from three years ago. You are stressing about tomorrow’s schedule. You feel like there's so much to do and you don't know where to even start. Your brow is furrowed just slightly and you are picking at your cuticles.

Stop it.

Come here.

I don’t want you to tell me what’s wrong. Nah not yet. Right now I need you to stop thinking entirely. You spend all day managing everything and everyone and it is exhausting you. They take and tske. And you give and give then when you're running on E, your kindness still wants to give. I can see it in the way you carry your shoulders. They are so tense. You need to put the burden down but you don’t know how to do it yourself.

It's all good.

That is why I am here.

I want you to stand right in front of me. Don’t talk. Just breathe. If you have glasses I'll take them off and set them on the table. If your hair is long I'll help you tie it up. I'll definitely help you oil your scalp and give you a scalp massage later because that's just extra labor you don't need to carrry.

I am going to run my hands down your arms, slow and heavy, until I reach your hands. I’m interlacing our fingers and I’m squeezing tight. I need you to feel how grounded I am. I need you to feel that I am not moving. I am the rock you are going to crash against.

I'm pretty big and strong.

I csn take it.

I’m going to kiss your forehead first. Then your nose. Then I’m going to capture your mouth. I’m not asking for a kiss; I am taking it. I am going to kiss you deep and slow and thorough until I feel your knees buckle just a little bit. That is the sign I am waiting for. That little wobble tells me your brain is finally starting to shut down and your body is taking over.

Good girl.

I am going to pick you up. Don't try to help. I can squat defensive lineman, you ain't shit. Don't worry, Just wrap your legs around my waist and bury your face in my neck. Smell my cologne. Listen to my breathing. Let me carry you to the bedroom because you don't need to make any more decisions today.

Not even walking.

When I lay you down on the mattress I am going to loom over you. I want to block out the rest of the room. I want to block out the rest of the world.

The stress.

The melancholy.

Everything.

The only thing you are allowed to perceive is me. My eyes. My long locs. My big strong hands. My weight settling between your thighs. I'm the best weighted blanket ever. I keep you warm and give forehead kisses.

I’m going to strip you slowly. This isn’t a rush to get off. This is worship. I want to kiss every inch of skin I expose. I want to trace the line of your ribs and the softness of your stomach. I want to hear the way your breath hitches when my thumbs brush against your hip bones.

You are going to try to speak. You are going to try to say something self depreciating or ask if this is okay.

Hush.

I don’t want words. I want moans. I want whimpers. I want that desperate little gasp you make when I finally slide my hand into your panties and find out just how wet you are for me.

Look at you. So responsive. So needy.

You ain't know? I'm a mindreader of pretty little needy sluts like you. The kind who are afraid to ask for what you really need because society taught you that being strong means suffering in silence. That you have to carry the weight of the world on your back and that asking to be taken care of makes you a muhfuckin' burden. That softness is a luxury you can't afford. But I am here to tell you that is a lie.

You deserve it all.

I am going to bury my face between your legs and I am going to eat you until you are shaking. Until my jaw damn near locks up. Your plessure matters. You go the extra mile every day for everyone. I don't mind going the extra mile for you.

It's the minimum of what you deserve.

I wouldn't lie to you.

On my momma.

I am going to use my tongue to tease you and torment you until you forget your own name. Every time you try to overthink I am going to change the rhythm. Every time you try to pull away because it is too much I am going to hold your hips down and make you take it.

I want to short circuit your brain with pleasure. I want to drive you so close to the edge and then stop just to hear you beg. I want you to plead with me. I want you to realize that your pleasure is entirely in my hands and that I am going to take very good care of it and you.

And when I finally let you cum I want you to fall apart completely. I want you to cry if you need to. I want you to scream. I want you to let go of every ounce of stress you have been holding onto for weeks. You've worked so hard and you deserve that catharsis.

Afterward I am not going anywhere. I am going to pull you into my chest. I am going to wrap the covers around us so we are in a warm cocoon. I am going to cup your face and kiss your temple and tell you how beautiful you are. I am going to hold you while your heart rate slows down.

You'll just want to close your eyes for a second. Just resting your eyes. I'll nod feeling your breathing get even and and more like blissfull sleep. I'll help you put your bonnet on and make sure it's tight so it doesn't fall off while you sleep.

Once you fall asleep I'll go make dinner. You don't gotta make any more decisions tonight.

When you awaken I'll feed you and roll a blunt then we'll watch your favorite show.

I'll hold you close and I'll say those 4 simple things all again.

You are safe here beloved.

You are loved here.

The world can wait outside the door.

In here, in our safe place, you belong to me.

• I wake up excited for the little moments waiting for me today.
• I’ve built a life that feels lighter, warmer, and more like my own.
• I smile more easily now, and it feels natural.
• I’m allowed to enjoy where I am without feeling guilty for moving forward.
• I bring good energy into the spaces I enter.
• I’ve learned how to make myself feel safe, cared for, and happy.
• I don’t need everything figured out to enjoy today.
• I can look back with gratitude instead of sadness.
• I deserve softness, laughter, and peaceful mornings.
• I trust myself to create joy in simple ways.
• I like the person I’m becoming more and more each day.
• I let myself have fun without overthinking it.
• I’ve grown into someone stronger and brighter than I expected.
• Today doesn’t have to be perfect to be good.

I have been looking for friendship in the kink community for a long time. I have always wanted people in my life who could understand that side of me without being overtly sexual.

Well, I found this friend. At least I thought that I did. We played online chess and chatted. Had discussions about various interesting topics. Things that are good in online friendships. Nothing sexual towards each other. Enough distance that it could never happen. Everything was great.

Out of nowhere I got blocked and deleted from their life. Maybe I'm naive, maybe I'm sad, but this one really hurts. I thought that I had found a real friend.

Just remember that there are people on the other side of the screen. Flawed people with their own stories and history, but people nonetheless.

How did it feel? The mental aspect of the process and afterwards, plus when did you feel like you wanted to do it?

Did having a physical remainder of your dynamic do something for you? Did it change anything? When did you feel you were ready for that step?

I’m mid thirties-ish, woman. I’m a sub, but could say switch too. Mostly because I’m strong, independent and intelligent. This means it takes a very strong individual to bring out my sub side, and for me to trust a person with that side of me. I therefore have ended up being dominant in all my past relationships. I was young when I understood that I was a sub, but I never had enough knowledge to live it out. I didn’t know what I needed, and what I was looking for.

In most ways, I still don’t. I have very little knowledge about d/s relationships and how it works. I’ve never practiced it IRL, besides I probably met a dom male when I was young. The problem was none of us understood what we were, and how to live out the roles we were meant to have in a relationship. Therefore it just had some elements, but very few and we weren’t counsious about it. Got nothing fulfilling from it, ever. It’s just the only time I’ve met someone «strong» enough to probably be able to handle me. I’ve never been in a relationship which have fulfilled any of my sexual needs, far from. I’ve always had a strong sex drive, and never met anyone who can match/tame it in a way. This ended up with me lacking boundary, but only for a very short period of time (few months). Then it ended up with me setting very strict boundaries, and I hid that part of me.

So, I want to start exploring this side of myself. I feel ready. I also know I’m very open to many fetishes, if that matters. I know I need an emotional connection, and I know that emotional connection will be deep with the right person. I’m very loyal, maybe that’s typical for subs? I don’t know if that’s a part of me and the sub-thing too. Also, I need to feel we’re connected intelligence-vice. My goal would be to live in a 24/7 dynamic.

This got long very fast, could’ve gone on and on. But my point is, this is a big step for me. I’ve been debating how to get started, and how to learn more. I’ve read stories, info and watched videos. But I find almost all of it very shallow, and not fulfilling at all. Therefore I’ve decided I might want to establish an online d/s relationship. It would be with the goal to learn more about myself, and more about just being d/s. How different people seem to be within what I consider a small group to begin with, scares me a bit. It must be almost impossible to find a match. Also, cus I’m very loyal and I know the right d/s relationship would make me very emotionally attached, I think an online relationship is the right place for me to start. I’m also in a small town and country. Given I’ve got zero experience, and also very little knowledge about any of this, I think the online route is a good idea.

Where would I be able to find potential doms to start such a relationship with? Internet is so unsafe, and filled with people with the wrong intentions. Is a genuine relationship even possible to establish online? Also, where can I learn more about d/s relationships, and variants of it? To maybe learn more about where I am at the spectrum of variants. I also know a fee things already, that going to events, clubs or local communities is never going to be my thing.

Thanks for any guidance. It’s a huge step for me to even write this. Also, if you’re a sub reading this, and recognize any of it, I’d love to hear your comment. Like if any of this seems «normal», typical or familiar for sub behavior.

Sorry if this doesn’t belong in this subreddit!!

I’m a submissive currently without a Dominant, and I’ve been struggling a lot with motivation, structure, and self-care. I also deal with depression, and without external accountability/consequences, it’s really hard to stay consistent with things I know I need to do for my health (working out, preparing and eating healthy food, completing chores, following through with routines and self care).

The frustrating part is that I do want to hold myself accountable. I want to improve and I care about these things, but the second I think about actually doing the task, it’s like something in my brain just turns off. The want is still there, but it feels like a mental block stopping me from following through. I just feel stuck in this cycle of wanting to do better but struggling to make myself actually do it.

For other submissives who’ve experienced this, how do you stay disciplined or create structure for yourself when you don’t have a dynamic or someone holding you accountable and can’t build up the motivation to do so yourself? Any advice, coping strategies, or things that helped you would really mean a lot! If anyone else is currently going through this- I’d also be totally willing to be accountability buddies!

At some point in life we all had a taste of this dynamic and felt "i enjoyed this a lot, i liked it" and started exploring, researching and probably seeking more of it.

Mine happened when i was still dating my second girlfriend, at the time we were dating for a year and lived in neighbouring cities, which meant that we couldnt see each other very often. During summer break she came to visit for a whole week, we were both still in our 17s and were sleeping in different rooms. Every morning i would sneak into her room so we could have some private time, and i bet you can guess what a curious and horny couple are up to. We both still had our v cards, but we were always exploring, touching and learning what the other liked and what made us feel good.

On the very last day of her stay, she consentend for me to give her some oral pleasure for the first time and thats where it all began...

Being able to hear her trying to hold her moans, see her hands gripping tight on the sheets or reaching for my hair, her body squirming and moving closer for more. Until she squeezed her thighs around my head and pulled me closer by the hair, she came just like that.

When she finally released me and i got to lay on her side, she was already a sobbing mess. At first i thought i did something wrong and immediatly pulled her closer to my chest to try and giver he some consolation, but that was when she reassured me that it was alright and that she was crying because she was happy, she told me that on that very last day she felt comfortable and secure enough to let me do it and she enjoyed every moment of it.

There is a bit more to this story but in that moment i first "awakened" to be a pleasurer, all that intimacy, trust and giving that kind of joy to someone i loved and cared made me feel soo good.

So, how about you? When did you first "awakened" to this?