u/KinkyDataScientist

My sub/wife and I recently marked our 8 year wedding anniversary. The weather was good last night, so we did an outdoor “exhibitionist” stripping scene on our deck to celebrate. (We didn’t expose anybody to our kinky play. Nobody can see or hear us on our deck.)

I had her dress up in a sexy outfit, then ordered her to strip for me by firelight to sultry music. After that, I blindfolded her and made her feel exposed while we played on the deck, before bringing her to our bed to finish with romantic anal. I showed her just how proud I am to be her husband and Dom, and wished my amazing wife a happy anniversary.

(More details in the comments)

I recently read something about the influence of sibling birth order on leadership qualities and preferred leadership styles. It got me wondering if birth order might have some influence on BDSM roles, with Doms more likely to be older siblings, and subs more likely to be younger siblings.

In my own dynamic, this is true: I’m the older sibling, and my sub is the younger sibling. But anecdotes are not data, and I’m not aware of any credible, statistically valid research that has been done on this topic. So I don’t think it’s possible to conclude that birth order definitely influences BDSM roles. And I have no idea where middle children or switches would fit. 😂

But just for fun: what is your BDSM role, and are you older or younger among your siblings?

Content Warning: in this scene, we used the seven deadly sins of the Christian religious tradition as a framing device for our kinky play. As such, this post includes religiously taboo themes. Out of respect for devout kinksters, I have omitted some details and I am including this content warning.
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My sub/wife and I have our 8 year wedding anniversary on Tuesday. To celebrate, I took her out to a nice restaurant last night for a discreetly kinky dinner date, then we did a scene based on the seven deadly sins (envy, gluttony, greed, lust, wrath, pride, and sloth) when we got home.

While getting ready, we both inserted matching plugs and put on matching “I ❤️ Anal” panties. Over that, I wore gray slacks, a white shirt, and a black blazer. She wore her circle of diamonds day collar, a little black dress with O rings at the neck, her blowjob glasses, and ankle strap fuck heels showing off her pedicured white toes. She looked very classy and sexy, and I told her so. From the outside, we looked like a normal vanilla couple, but we were really hiding a shared kinky secret. Just like our marriage overall. 😀

I dropped her off in front of the restaurant and picked her up on the way home. She was willing to walk to where I parked the car, but I told her “you’re plugged and wearing impractical heels. My anal queen doesn’t walk anywhere, you get chauffeured”, and she relented.

We had a lovely time at dinner, and got ice cream after. We both enjoyed the thrill of knowing we were being secretly kinky together while looking outwardly normal. Each time we were in our car, I ordered her to play with my pussy using a wand vibe, and she got herself very wet and horny by the time we got home.

(Continued in the comments)

I got a nasty gram today from my company HR, saying that I was overdue on taking an online training. The subject is not at all relevant to my job and the training itself was incredibly boring and easy (just watching videos and taking a quiz), but we need everybody to do it yearly to stay compliant. If it must be done, fine.

But I decided to make it more fun by enlisting my sub/wife’s help. I covered my camera and put a pillow on the floor under my desk. I waited until she was done with her last meeting of the day, then called her into my home office and handed over her blowjob glasses.

I ordered her to suck Daddy’s cock while I took the training, and she obediently got on her knees under my desk. I recently had her get a manicure for our upcoming wedding anniversary, and her white nails looked very pretty contrasted against my shaft. I told her that even the most boring work tasks are fun when you have an eager cumslut under your desk, and she giggled.

I didn’t want to take up too much of her time, so after enjoying the blowjob for a few minutes, I told her she could finish me. She proudly showed me the cum in her mouth, then looked in my eyes as she swallowed, licked her lips, and said “thank you Daddy”. I praised her for being a good girl and sent her back to work.

(I passed the training.) 😀

Sometimes an awesome aftercare snack hits the spot and caps off a great kink experience just right.

I do all the cooking in our house because I enjoy it as a hobby. After scenes, my sub/wife is allowed to request pretty much whatever she wants from Daddy’s kitchen. This means she often gets unusual and/or elaborate aftercare snacks.

On various occasions, I’ve made her: garlic bread, grilled cheese, waffles, loaded nachos, fried green tomatoes with hot honey mayo, pupusas, masala dosa, and once even a Tortilla Espanola with garlic aioli.

Despite this, she still often wants ice cream over anything else. Go figure. 😂

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What’s the best aftercare snack you’ve ever had? Or what’s your go to choice for an aftercare snack?

Last night, my sub/wife and I did a James Bond roleplay scene. After longer than usual warmup orgasms, we pretended to be enemy spies trying to trap each other at Casino Royale. We dressed up fancy, drank vodka martinis, and traded flirtatious banter as we played poker. I teased and distracted her with a remote vibe, and we played until she lost, with her submission as the “stakes” on the final hand.

I brought her to our room and collared her, then blindfolded her and restrained her to our bed. I “revealed” that I knew she was a spy, and pleasure tortured her with forced orgasms while interrogating her. After lying several times (and getting funished for it), she eventually gave up the information I wanted. I released her, and we finished with intense anal sex. Super hot scene.

(More details in the comments)

The purpose of this subreddit is to be a consent-first, welcoming environment for discussion of soft, pleasure-focused kinky play and BDSM dynamics. To ensure we continue to align with that vision, the mod team has decided to make some changes to our rules for acceptable content and overhaul our posting schedule.

Going forward, we will:

- Use moderator discretion to review, and when necessary remove, AI generated content. Basically, this is a subreddit for real people to have real discussions about real topics. Having AI clean up your wording or generate a picture is ok, having it generate your thoughts for you is not

- Limit posts with recurring subject matter to once a week, so the page has more varied content

- Reserve the right to remove posts/comments that we deem to be misinformation, inflammatory, infringing on others’ consent, or otherwise harmful to the purpose of the community

- Post moderator-led content more regularly, with the following intended schedule: Tuesday, Kink 101 letters; Thursday, voice notes; alternating Saturdays, ask a Dom/ask a sub; biweekly Sundays, personal ads

We welcome your feedback, questions, and suggestions via mod mail.

Many characters in fiction give off vibes of being soft Doms, subs, or switches.

For example, Lando Calrissian is for sure a pleasure Dom.

And Jonathan and Kenneth from 30 Rock are different flavors of service sub.

Which fictional* characters do you think would be into soft BDSM, and why?

*(No real life examples, please!)

The other night, my sub/wife and I did a Harry Potter roleplay scene. We pretended like we were adult Harry and Ginny having kinky BDSM wizard sex to celebrate his birthday. We brought several HP references into the scene, like the Hogwarts ghosts, the Imperius curse, Veritaserum, the Mirror of Erised, etc.

I set up a house points system in the week before the scene. I told her she could earn “points for Gryffindor” through helpful and/or slutty behavior, but didn’t tell her what she would earn with them. She ended up with 43, and that’s how many orgasms I gave her during the overstim session to finish the scene.

This was one of our sillier scenes, with both of us breaking character and laughing repeatedly, but we had a lot of fun doing it. It was good to ease back into our dynamic with a proper kink night after our hiatus. We had both missed doing scenes, her play collar, and our rituals more than we expected.

(Details in the comments)

There are few things I enjoy more than seeing/hearing/feeling how my sub/wife reacts to the things I do to pleasure her during our kinky play. Honestly, experiencing her reactions is half the fun of being a Dom for me. I’ve seen commenters elsewhere on kinky Reddit call this being a “reaction slut”, and I like the term. If so, I’m proud to be a reaction slut for my sub.

For example, I love how:
- When she finds my dirty talk hot, I can tell because her pussy tells me immediately, by rhythmically clenching on me and getting wetter
- Or when I’m overstimming her, I can tell she’s close to cumming again, because her moaning changes to a guttural pitch that is so unlike her normal speaking voice
- Or when we do impact play, I can tell how much she’s enjoying it by the moans and gasps of pleasure she makes with each of my strikes
- Or when we do sensory play, I can tell how much it turns her on from the way she shudders and her hips writhe at my teasing touches

Best of all, I literally feel it when she cums, as if I were having a minor orgasm of my own. I cannot get enough of experiencing her in pleasure. Her reactions give me life, they make me feel powerful and sexy, they make me feel like her Dom.

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Does anyone else relate to getting unreasonable amounts of enjoyment from their partner’s reactions? Doms, do you enjoy specific reactions you elicit from your sub? Subs, do you have special ways to show your Dom how much you enjoy what they’re doing?

Some submissives prefer their kinky play to be spontaneous. Or even if it’s planned, they don’t want to know the details of scenes before they happen. They like feeling surprised, and knowing what’s coming next would ruin that. By contrast, others want to hear the plans ahead of time, because knowing builds their anticipation and ramps up their arousal. This is the case for my sub/wife, and I use that fact as a form of foreplay.

I usually tell her my plans for our next kink night scene a few days before. I don’t always give her the full details, but I at least provide a high level overview, enough so she can give her input and informed consent. Very often that conversation ends in sex because she gets horny from hearing about the filthy things Daddy wants to do to her. If nothing else, she likes that she gets to spend the time until the scene eagerly anticipating the pleasure I’m going to give her.

Recently she’s added a further twist to this: now she asks me to tell her my plans while we’re actively having sex. When I do, it drives her absolutely wild, immediately making her wetter or even tipping her into orgasms. Essentially she’s getting turned on by fantasizing about having sex with me, while having sex with me. Very meta, but I’m not complaining. 😀

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What is your approach to sharing play plans? Doms, do you share your plans as foreplay like I do? Subs, do you prefer to know what’s coming, or do you like a surprise?

We now have over 25,000 members of r/SofterBDSM!

On behalf of the mod team, thank you all for being here and making it a special place!

Sometimes kinksters need to pause or end their D/s dynamics, and it can happen for many possible reasons: incompatibility, changing life circumstances, or unforgivable behavior.

This question is on my mind right now, because my dynamic with my sub/wife is currently on hiatus after her close relative passed away. We are taking a pause as we grieve, and will resume once my wife tells me she is ready.

What has caused you to pause or end a D/s dynamic?

(Reminder: this is r/SofterBDSM. If the reason is due to harder kinks that are not permitted for discussion, please do not mention those directly. Please also be kind and supportive to your fellow members).

The old joke is that “the Venn diagram of DnD players and BDSM practitioners is just a circle”. Maybe that’s an exaggeration, but clearly there are plenty of nerdy kinksters out there, many of whom enjoy blending elements of those two interests together.

For example, I’ve busted out some super nerdy statistics-themed dirty talk (a carry over from my day job). Also, my sub and I enjoy roleplay scenes, and we’ve done some based on nerdy fandoms: Star Wars, Firefly/Serenity, etc. I’m currently developing ideas for Harry Potter, Dune, and Rick and Morty roleplays, and also for a scene where I’ll play chess against my sub with the outcome of the game determining our subsequent play session.

What’s the nerdiest thing you’ve done in kink?

My sub/wife and I took Friday off and spent most of the day in-dynamic. I put on her play collar in the morning, and told her she was all mine for the whole day.

We did multiple scenes/kinky activities over the course of the day:
- a back/butt massage that transitioned into sensual domination and warmup orgasms
- a blowjob with a mirror positioned behind her, so I could see the dildo she was riding, the gem plug in her ass, and her fuck heels while she sucked my cock
- kinky sex finishing in an anal creampie, after which I plugged my cum in her ass for our date
- a lunch date, where we stayed in-dynamic and (at her request) I ordered her meal and drinks for her. We were careful to be discreet in public: I temporarily took her play collar off, we acted normal and didn’t talk about kink stuff, and nobody else could tell she was plugged
- a bubble bath together, where we relaxed, cuddled, and chatted about random things
- impact play, where I bent her over our bed and she held a wand vibe on her clit while I spanked, paddled, and flogged her ass, then cropped her pussy, she came repeatedly and hard
- intense overstim with a Hitachi Magic Wand and our biggest dildo, which made her squirt uncontrollably
- cockwarming while watching a World Cup soccer game. She begged to ride me to another orgasm, which I allowed. Then she finished the blowjob and shared the cum with me

We had to cancel our planned evening scene because life circumstances intervened. We were going to do restrained sensory play followed by more overstim and anal. Instead we did some quick aftercare and a debrief before my wife needed to leave.

Despite the abrupt ending, we both loved spending the day in-dynamic so much, that we’re thinking about doing it for a full weekend for our wedding anniversary next month.

For some submissives, submission helps them relieve stress. They have heavy responsibilities in daily life, and submitting allows them to temporarily put down that mental burden and just be told what to do. For others, it’s the opposite: it takes mental bandwidth to relinquish control, and if they are stressed by life, they can’t get into the right headspace for submission. My sub/wife is in this latter category.

Because I have a vested interest in her being able to submit consistently, I closely monitor her mental load, and try to lighten it in any way I can. We split paying the bills, we share most household chores and parenting duties as equally as possible, and I do all of our cooking. I consciously take more tasks off her plate when I can tell she’s struggling or her mood is off. I listen when she needs to vent. If I can’t tell whether she needs help, I ask.

I do this because I love my wife and I want to be a good partner in our vanilla life together, but also because it redounds to my benefit in our D/s dynamic. Crudely put: less stressed wife = dirtier sub. I’ll make that trade any day.

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Does anyone else relate to this? Doms, do you deliberately relieve your partner’s stress to allow them to get into their sub headspace easier? Subs, does your partner do this for you? Or vice versa, do you do things for your D to facilitate their dominance?

Tone, eye contact, confidence, and physical presence go a long way toward exerting dominance and eliciting submission. An encounter I had with my sub/wife today where I dominated her with a single word, shows how true that is.

We took some time off work, so we’ve been home during the day. We are planning to play tonight, but this afternoon I wanted her so bad that I couldn’t wait. So I waited until I knew she wasn’t busy, then decided to exercise my free use blowjob privileges.

I took a shower, then still naked, I approached her. She was sitting at her desk, scrolling on Reddit. I wordlessly beckoned for her to stand. She did, and I kissed her, then pulled her into a tight hug and squeezed her ass. She knew what I wanted, and said in a mock-exasperated tone, “wait until later!”

I tipped her chin up with my hand, looked her in the eyes, and said a single word in my Dom voice: “no”. Then I silently put a pillow on the floor and handed over her blowjob glasses (a special pair I make her wear for that purpose). I didn’t need to say anything else, she understood the assignment. She immediately said “ok Daddy”, then put on the glasses, kneeled on the pillow, and lovingly sucked my cock.

I usually talk dirty to her and give her feedback during blowjobs, but this time I said nothing and just moaned when it felt good, and she dutifully adjusted her technique accordingly. The next words I said to her were “good girl” after she finished.

It was hot watching her obey my unspoken orders without question. A single word, delivered the right way, had been enough to exert my dominance and make her submit.