u/Admirable_Plant_6477

I WANT TO POINT OUT THAT I AM SPEAKING FROM GENERALITIES FROM WHAT I HAVE SEEN ONLINE! I AM NOT TRYING TO CALL OUT ANYONE THAT DOES NOT CONFORM TO THIS OR THAT ENJOYS DIFFERENT THINGS! EVERYTHING ABOUT D/S IS ABOUT FINDING WHAT BOTH PEOPLE ARE LOOKING FOR AND DOING WHAT WORKS FOR YOU! IF YOU DON'T FEEL SEEN BY MY POST, THAT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE NOT VALID! SUBS AND DOMS COME IN ALL SHAPES, SIZES, INTERESTS, AND PERSONALITIES!

One of the stereotypical parts of a D/S relationship is expectations or tasks and the rewards or punishments that they lead to. From the simple things like setting routines to the more direct things like orgasm control (whether that be edging or asking for permission). Then on the reward/punishment side, you have the simple of a sweet treat or (depending on the dynamic) reflecting on why the sub did not meet the expectation all the way up to something bigger like a surprise trip that the sub has wanted to go on or some form of long term denial (again, depending on the dynamic).

But there are two parts that set apart a soft dom in my mind.

1. The obvious of the intensity of anything involved. A reward from a soft dom would likely be a lot more specific to that sub than a "normal" dom. Same thing for the punishment. For example, a soft dom might focus a lot more on praise for rewards or punishments that are still focused on care. While other doms might focus on a more directly sexual nature such as a special kind of play that they both love doing or overstimulation. Again, there is always going to be overlap and this is very much a simplification and a generalization.

2. While it is important for ANY relationship and gets more important wiith D/S, soft doms are more in tune with what is going through their subs mind or what is going on in their life. This is where my idea for this post came from. I've talked to a few people who have been given tasks before that, due to circumstances they could not control like emergencies or general life stuff, they could not complete. Despite that, the dom that gave them that task insisted on the punishment immediately and only focused on that and not the other things going on. In that moment, nothing should matter besides the safety and health of anyone involved. A good soft dom will be the comfort space when things are going on. If there is a family emergency for their sub, they should be a place to disconnect as much as they need, whether that's thinking or talking about other things or fully disconnecting.

I remember I once gave a sub a task that sounded simple and they seemed excited to do it. Before they could complete it, the had a plumbing problem that left their house flooding. They came back to me all but in tears because of what was going on but also that they hadn't completed their task. The task was the furthest thing from my mind. I was worried about their safety, their stuff, whether they could stay at home, everything about them as a person and if I could do anything. Luckily, things ended up working out well and, when things were less hectic and stable again, they brought up the task again. I told them I wasn't worried about it but they said they were ready to get back in that mindset. I gave them another chance at the task and they completed it to the best of their ability. They told me they deserved a punishment for not fulfilling it and, after discussing it, we enjoyed a fun scene that mixed rewards for doing what they could with punishments for not completing it. Afterwards, they told me it was exactly what they needed and thanked me over and over again for being understanding.

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What was this whole post for? Mostly just me getting thoughts out of my head. But I want to leave this:

For the doms looking for a sub, remember to look out for the person and not just the personality they present. Compassion goes a long way.

For the subs looking for a dom, remember that you deserve that compassion. You should feel safe to discuss whatever you need to without worrying about what might happen.

Sometimes I think about being in a relationship with multiple women, however that would wind up happening (multiple one-on-one relationships, two bi girls and me all enjoying each other, etc.), and how things would go. Caring for them, dates, fun time, whatever might come of it.

Other times I think about just being a play partner or a dom for multiple women. When their name pops up, I know what they need and what they want. I can give them something they don't get somewhere else but also see them for the people they are.

Just a couple fantasies I have in my mind. Different styles but mostly the same thing.

I don't know how this became my life. I was happy to live a normal life and find a good partner. But when she left, I suddenly have a bunch of women getting in touch telling me that they have heard about me from someone else. My ex's sister overheard us one night, her mom wants to apologize for her daughter's behavior, she told her friends a little too much and they passed word on to their friends, who knows how far things have spread! Maybe she even shared a story online and some computer virus brought fictional characters to life and now they're knocking at my door.

What am I to do but do my best to make all of these women happy? Will they come one at a time? Two at the same time? Two with one that wants to watch? A group that wants to test the stamina they heard about? Who knows. My life is bound to be a bit of a mess now but I'm here for it.

(Top kinks: clothed sex (eg. lifted skirts), ripped clothing (eg. leggings ripped open), voyeurism/exhibitionism, group play, harems, cuckquean, cuckold (as bull), light bondage (handcuffs, hands tied, ballgags), collar, leash, toys, orgasm control, praise, aftercare, height differences, spanking, and light choking.

Limits: gore, vore, bathroom play, violence, snuff, feet, femdom, beast, raceplay, rape/noncon, pregnancy (breeding mentions are find), torture.

My kinklist is pinned on my profile if you want to take a look. Please bring a starter/idea, a ref, who you are in my life, kinks, and limits.)

I don't know how this became my life. I was happy to live a normal life and find a good partner. But when she left, I suddenly have a bunch of women getting in touch telling me that they have heard about me from someone else. My ex's sister overheard us one night, her mom wants to apologize for her daughter's behavior, she told her friends a little too much and they passed word on to their friends, who knows how far things have spread! Maybe she even shared a story online and some computer virus brought fictional characters to life and now they're knocking at my door.

What am I to do but do my best to make all of these women happy? Will they come one at a time? Two at the same time? Two with one that wants to watch? A group that wants to test the stamina they heard about? Who knows. My life is bound to be a bit of a mess now but I'm here for it.

(Top kinks: clothed sex (eg. lifted skirts), ripped clothing (eg. leggings ripped open), voyeurism/exhibitionism, group play, harems, cuckquean, cuckold (as bull), light bondage (handcuffs, hands tied, ballgags), collar, leash, toys, orgasm control, praise, aftercare, height differences, spanking, and light choking.

Limits: gore, vore, bathroom play, violence, snuff, feet, femdom, beast, raceplay, rape/noncon, pregnancy (breeding mentions are find), torture.

My kinklist is pinned on my profile if you want to take a look. Please bring a starter/idea, a ref, who you are in my life, kinks, and limits.)