r/BDSMcommunity

27 F and I’ve been seeing someone for impact play sessions recently. We’ve only done two so far but I feel like I tap out early. Ideally I’d like to go for more than 30-45 minutes but it’s all I can seem to take.

We’ve drawn some blood, had welts and bruises so it’s not like it’s nothing but I can BARELY take the wooden paddle for more than 10 strokes.

How can I improve my tolerance for this? Is it even possible? Thanks in advance!

I tried looking before and maybe I didn't search the right words but I'd really prefer to find a community for switches. This community is fine, but feels too broad for me. And I enjoy femdom communities but can't always relate to how much dislike of switches there are in them. I think switches are the best of both worlds

Hi friends, I posted this on r/AutismAfterDark because I believe this issue is strongly linked to my autism, but I’m also curious about what y’all have to say.

For as long as I’ve been having sex, I’ve noticed that it’s extremely difficult for me to reach orgasm if another person is involved. I have some difficulty making myself cum as well, but most of the time I can get there after working myself up a bit.

I’m not sure if it’s a mental block or a physical one, but I’ve accepted this is just how I am. I’m fine with it, it doesn’t hinder my enjoyment of sex and it actually increases my stamina in most cases. But I’ve had partners in the past feel inadequate due to their inability to make me cum, even though it has nothing to do with them. For a while I would just lie and say I’d cum when I hadn’t, but I’ve stopped doing that cause it makes me feel shitty and it’s not fair to my partners either.

I would like for it to be easier for me to cum with other people, and I’m wondering if this is something that can be achieved through training. The 3 times I’ve cum by someone else’s hand, they were all people I loved and trusted very deeply, and I would like to be able to do that with my partners regularly. In recent years I’ve been moving away from hookup culture and more towards developing deep, intimate, long-term sexual dynamics. I don’t care much about the physical side of things - I’ll often reach a peak in my sensation that feels similar to an orgasm even if I don’t *actually* cum - but the psychological aspect of having an orgasm at the hands of someone I love and trust very much is appealing to me. I’m a one and done kind of guy so I’m not trying to have super powerful multi-orgasm chains or anything like that, I literally just want to cum once.

I’m a submissive (24/7 collared but sex isn’t a part of our dynamic, so my Sir wouldn’t be an option for this,) and I’m wondering if tapping into that side of myself could help. I wouldn’t want to feel pressured into cumming by my partner, or like they’re disappointed that I didn’t, because I’ve been there and that feeling sucks. I feel like more gentle guidance and encouragement combined with a lot of foreplay, teasing and working me up could be a recipe for success. Have any of you tried this type of training? Even if not, I’m curious to hear from those of you who also have this relationship to pleasure and orgasm.

Hello everyone 🖤

Basically as the title says , i have a sub who ADORES licking my dirty footwear , no matter how dirty it is , he is always down to lick them clean .

However

It concerns me because eventually all the dirt,germs and bacteria will get him sick, i know minimizing the exposure is the solution , but basically he keeps begging and begging for it and i actually enjoy it alot.

So my question is for all of you , how do you practice this type of play safely ? Is there any preparation or after play products that you use to minimize the risks ?

I know this probably is a dumb question but my partner and I think it would be really hot if I was dominated and yanked with a collar on- but I don’t want to do breath play/not be able to breath.

I’m new to this world of sex, so apologise if I say things wrong or don’t know the correct language

So far we’ve engaged in choking without stopping the breathing, just the physicality of gripping the sides of the neck and stuff (he knows more about me on how to do it so I’m definitely explaining this all wrong), but it would be hot if he could yank me about while fucking me with like a belt (not actually a belt though since that would restrict breathing, I assume??)

So yeah, sorry if this has been answered before, or if it’s just a straight up ‘that isn’t possible’ but if it is possible to have a collar that ‘chokes’ and can be pulled around but doesn’t stop breathing or restrict it please let me know! It would be very much appreciated!

How can I help my sub (f32) accept that she is a squirter?

Context: sub had a hard time reaching orgasm. We worked on that a lot and made huge progress the past 6 months - I’m leaning towards pleasure, so that’s right down my alley…
By now she can cum very very hard and it doesn’t take a lot of effort anymore to get her there. (intensive crying and shaking type of orgasms and even subspace sometimes.)
She is into tease an denial, we use it a lot build her up towards the session.

The problem is: As a result of stimulating her inner tissue a lot and her training her pelvis muscles, she now started squirting and even gushing during orgasm a lot and she hates that part.

We talked through this, she hates she looses control over her body in these instances - specifically the gushing (when the bladder fills up between orgasms very fast and you loose control right before the next climax).

I need an outside perspective on how to make her more comfortable with squirting, I‘d like for her to enjoy her body and its reaction no matter what mess it makes.
(We have no issues with the fluids.)

Anyone else run into issues with accepting squirting? How did you overcome it?

hey guys wanted to see how you guys would go about finding people into pet play if this is the right community to post this. we wanna find people into it and maybe hear their experiences(:

edit 2: definitely did not expect this level of response and got over the frustration pretty quickly, so apologies but i am erasing everything that can be used to identify me :"D digital footprint people!

to preface this: im REDACTED, REDACTED, had been interested in bdsm throughout my whole sexual journey but, crucially, began practicing and be involved in the community only since last autumn. what i wish to say is, there is self-awareness on my part. im young, im inexperienced, im new. i suppose i need to let our some frustration, even if i know it is absolutely fueled by impatience and everything else.

i am REDACTED. i am located in central europe (REDACTED). i am a REDACTED, currently exploring my REDACTED. i am not everyone's type physically but i certainly wouldn't call myself ugly. i try to actively participate in the local bdsm community, and look for communities/people online. i have a healthy array of kinks im into.

this all is being said to give you an understanding of the baseline. i am not an extremely niche 'type', so to say. the perfect average in fact.

it is also crucial to mention i am REDACTED.

that means, REDACTED history. that means, poetry. literature. late middle ages. baroque. renaissance. romantics. theology. philosophy. that means, museums and theatre and whatever else REDACTED implies.

it feels absurd how hard it is for me to find an individual i could share my intellectual and REDACTED interests with and who is also into bdsm. who is also, preferably, a dominant or a domme. i fucking know they're out there and they're DEFINITELY not in my circles, because i would actually do unspeakable things to have a bdsm partner knowledgeable in the same areas or intersecting with areas of my interests. its already hard enough for me to find someone like that without the whole bdsm business (the answer is always that i need to get out more, if only there was time), currently it seems fucking impossible.

and the intellectual side is so, so crucial to my experience + understanding of bdsm. i just wish more of it was brought into the community and the actual kink, i guess.

im being impatient, and young, and new, and whatever else. but man. i want to go to a museum exhibition with my dom! i want him to read me obscure poetry or boring ass philosophy, or to read it to him! i want mind games with substance, physiological play and intellectual dominance where it can be felt! i want flirting through teaching! i want what i cannot have, because this is incredibly specific and i know it.

in short, feels like a "me problem". however, i am also geniunely surprised at how hard it is to find similar... waves hand... people, dynamics, like what i describe. online, at least. i have a hunch people like this don't stalk people on fetlife and attend gatherings that aren't particularly public, away from all the internet bdsm culture.

i think i would like an acknowledgement of my desires, and genuine discussion regarding the intellectual/artistic circles within bdsm, and especially within (central) europe.

anyone know anything? :"(

edit: i felt a little embarrassed after posting this, but you guys have left wonderful comments. this community is genuinely so incredible. appreciate you reading this, i needed to get this out of my system and see the outside perspective :D

Curious as to how common this is? I've been aware of conflicting kinks I have, and somethings that Im interested in that don't particularly match with my dominant flavour, but I only really saw them as things that I would explore within a scene or during sex.

The more people I talk to, the more I realise how much preconceptions about myself are holding me back and the more I realise how many labels have misconceptions.

My bf and I have only been together a few months. I have had a very vanilla and conservative upbringing along with some sexual trauma. Its taken me years to be able to enjoy intimacy.

A month ago he mentioned he was determined to try some thing on me, (crop, feather, blindfold, and fully body restraint). He explained in detail his interest in pain and pleasure and why he enjoys being a dom. I of course spiraled for weeks internally.

We have since had many healthy sex conversations which alone was hard for me. We have shared fears, desires, triggers, trauma, insecurities. He has been nothing but supportive and patient. He seemed to notice it scared me and promised we didnt have to try any of it.

I do not yet know how i feel.. it doesnt bother me at all and I am open to people having differences. We have had rougher sex before. Some hair pulling and light throat grabbing or light spanks.. but nothing like this.

Do you have advice on how i should proceed? I dont want to not try because of fear.. but i am absolutely terrified that I will mentally disconnect from trauma during this and freeze. Im so scared of how i will feel mentally. Is this something everyone goes thru? If I agree is it to please him only? How do I know?

Made an acquaintance a couple years ago then ran into her at a Munch. The water jug was running low and I offered to tip it for her so the remaining water would flow. Without missing a beat she goes, "oh, service sub?" smiled, and walked away. I feel like I never recovered from being so thoroughly called out like that 🤣

We've become a little closer since then and became Fet friends. She invited me to her housewarming party and when I commented on some of her furniture (a church pew) she says, "that's my spanking bench; don't worry about" then a smile and again walked away.

More recently we went out dancing with some folks and she mentioned coming across my Feeld profile, that I'm looking for a dynamic, and that she's at a place in her life where she'd entertain that. Then while my ghasts were still flabbered she adds, "but we're not going to talk about it tonight. Tonight's for dancin'"

Y'all this woman flusters me SO much (in the best way)!

I talked to my partners and they're both so encouraging and think I should go for it if I want to (let's be honest, there's no 'if' there, hahaha)

I'm not sure if this post is looking for advice, or any shared experience where you entered into a Dom/Sub dynamic with someone you were already friendly acquaintances with, or if I just want to share my hopes in general.

I've had a few years experience in the scene but still feel relatively fresh and inexperienced with only one previous Dom/Sub dynamic outside of regular relationship dynamics.

Any resources to prepare for the upcoming discussion? How to improve my chances for the best possible experience, and how to navigate the friend space outside the kink space?

I have a strong urge to be catfished. I want to get to know a beautiful Goddess ✨, submit to them 🙇🏼, be a pathetic little submissive and then realising it was some guy all along. Even the idea of suspecting it drives me wild. Theorising that maybe all is not what it seems. But finding for someone for this is so hard. Specifically searching and asking for this kind of… ruins it. Anyone else experience this?

Ive wanted to try and get into my local BDSM community but dont know where to start. I love in Northern Alabama so finding a local community is a struggle to say the least. If anyone has any suggestions or advice id love to hear it!

Hi all

My wife and I are experimenting with some elements of BDSM as she is a natural sub and I am keen to explore my more dominant side, although I am struggling a little as I am normal quite a quiet and laid back guy.

My question today is about tasks. We have spent some time discussing what we both would like to explore more and one common element is my setting her tasks to complete, with rewards or punishments following depending on how she does. We have created a rewards and punishment list and are both happy with everything on it. The rewards/punishments are selected using dice, to even though she knows everything on there, there is still an element on uncertainty about what she will get.

For the tasks though, I am compiling a list and am unsure whether to share it with her. We have discussed it, and she doesn't want to know what is on there so she will be genuinely surprised the first time she gets each task. I get that, and to be honest I kind of agree, but my concern is what if I put something on there she doesn't like?

I'm sure she would speak up, but I still have doubts because she might do it because she thinks I want it, rather than because she is happy to. Is this me overthinking it? Would a 'true dom' not mind if she wants to or not? (accepting she would absolutely not do anything she disagrees with)

Any advice from experienced folks would be appreciated, specifically on whether you share everything beforehand or not.

Thanks in advance

My partner and I have only recently started experimenting with BDSM. We’re both switches, but I lean more sub.

When my partner tries to take a Dom role, they usually call me “good girl” or “baby girl.” I know it’s sweet, and I do feel loved, but it doesn’t really put me in sub mode. It feels more affectionate than dominant, if that makes sense.

I think I want names that feel more D/s-coded, something that makes me feel guided, claimed, corrected, or put in my place, not just loved, like "my sub", but it's still not perfect, and I'm not sure I've described this feeling accurately, but it's just wired for me.

So I'd like to know what do you and your partner call each other? What names or titles actually hit for you, or how did you find them without making it feel forced?

I (24F) really like being controlled but I want it to be like in a certain way. I want my BF (24M) to tell me to calm down, speak up, stay silent, drink water etc. Maybe even add clicker training as well as add whatever punishment he deemed fit. But I feel like my bf is a little too sweet for things like this. How do I bring this up to him without making him uncomfortable? I don't want him to feel like I'm pushing him out of his comfort zone, I'm too shy to ask.

Hello, I recently started seeing a girl from work in a romantic way. We’ve been going on dates and have been getting really close, we feel really comfortable with each other and last weekend she invited me in after our third date and we hooked up for the first time. After the first round we debriefed and she said it felt really good but that wanted me to be as rough as I wanted with her. We went about 7 rounds until 11am the next morning and it was incredible. I hadn’t dabbled in that type of play much before so trying all those things with her really opened my eyes I guess. We’ve been seeing each other pretty much every day since and getting more comfortable about trying more. She communicated how she likes being degraded and really high intensity scenarios, so now I’m doing research about things I could try (I was abstinent for a year and ended it a couple months before I met her so I’m out of practice). I told her I like pretty much any type of play and can do anything she wants me to try on her which she was very happy about. Does anyone have any sort of advice for me? We genuinely like each other and are moving towards a more serious relationship path in the future, so I want to make sure she’s always fulfilled in any way that might be. Thanks in advance.

Hi everyone! my girlfriend is into Cnc and bdsm, she’s also wanting me to become more dominant in the bedroom. Is there any advice or tips y’all can give me?

Early 20s here. Lady is early 40s. This hook up came out of the blue from an encounter. During sex she was biting me like crazy and both my shoulders are filled with bite marks. She was slapping me and pulling my hair pretty hard. Clawing my back also. To be honest I was aroused by it,never did I tell her to stop. It had me even more turned on. What kink is this considered? Is this bad? Good? How should I even go forward with it lol. I do feel like she had me unlock some new arousal of mine

I, 35f, am reeling after a realization. My therapist, 38m, triggered me in a way my dom, 44m, does, who is also a therapist, and I am just kind of reeling.

Yes there is a kink dynamic I developed around therapy, enter my dom.

It's just there are things I recognized I needed out of some kink. But I realized I was feeling dommed by my therapist. He reached out to me. He triggered me. And then was asking me to see him again, we were on a 6 month break and he called me last week because there was some glitch and he needed to ask me a question, and I have some stuff I'm trying to manage... so after 6 weeks of managing solo... I wanted to see him last week.

But ever since I realized he triggered me. And he even acknowledged he did. We were talking about it. He said he needed to help me.

It's not that anything he did or said wrong. So to speak It's that he uses the same techniques. The things I need but don't say out loud... until triggered.

It's just fucking with my head...

It's not the first time. When I worked with a trainer, it was a very much power dynamic... his thing was about building my body and mine was about being able to yell at him. And he could slap my ass once a month...

So clearly this is something I am seeking out from men... or is weird? LOL