I’ve dommed plenty of men, but I want to domme a couple. Would love to hear from other dommes/doms who’ve done this and the types of activities you did with / to them.
If you were part of a couple with a dom or domme, how was that for you?
If you’re part of a couple who wants this, what are you looking for?
I saw a post last night for doms and subs to post their personals and now I can’t find it. If anyone could point me in the right direction I would be ever so grateful
So I have been talking to a few people and looking to start an online dynamic with someone. The issue is that I find it very difficult to take pictures of myself. I have never liked taking normal pictures but when taking pictures completing tasks I always hate how I look.
Dom's, does it matter to you if the sub looks sexy or if her rolls of fat are visible when she sends you proof that she has completed your task?
Hello everyone, it's my first time posting here. I'm a beginner sub and just started going to events this year. I took some workshops, went to a couple demonstrations, and I had my very first play party about two weeks ago.
Everything was great. Everyone was so open and nice that I felt really comfortable, and I even had the chance to play with a couple of people.
So, given my lucky start, today I attended my first munch by myself because neither of my friends wanted to join a more social event. I was nervous but honestly super excited to meet people and engage more with the BDSM community where I live.
But I was so disappointed. The hosts arrived late, the initial talk they were going to do started two hours later than scheduled, and I felt completely out of it. It felt like being at a cousin's birthday party where you don't know anyone but everyone else already knows each other. It was a pretty small gathering, so it shouldn't have been that hard to integrate... but I didn't have any chance to. There were other newbiey like me at the munch, and it was practically the same for them. We all stayed on our own not knowing how to engage, and ended up leaving early too.
Now I'm still feeling down about it and kinda lost my motivation to keep trying to engage with the community here.
Has anyone else gone through something similar at munches? Any tips for navigating events solo or finding ones that are actually beginner-friendly?
Thank you all in advance!
Title kinda says it all already. Im looking to find an app we can use for kink-related tasks (we already have a shared (caldav) calendar and task list for non-kink things), checkins and some gamification... that works for switches, i.e. in both directions simultaneously. Sure we could just use two different apps but too much screen time is already a problem so we'd rather have it in the same place to keep it simple and be low-effort to use (because otherwise both our ADHDs would neglect using it very fast). Or are daily ritual things like such apps a bad idea for ADHD anyway? Because I can foresee daily appreciation rituals or similar getting boring quickly (despite them being SUPER valuable to the receiver as weve already noticed)
Sometimes when I’ve had a hard day or am just feeling a little off, I’ll wear my ankle or wrist cuffs around home, under some baggy clothes. Being able to feel just the slight, constant pressure helps me feel more grounded and comforted. I’ve even slept in them ( loosely to not cut off blood flow)
About 2 years ago, I(current f25) was a sugar baby—one man had kinks I hadn’t heard of & introduced the terms 'CNC' & rape play. I was so off-put & thrown off. I thought how could someone be into this?
Well, here I am—2 years later wanting exactly that. Because of the fact I was genuinely so off put by it originally, & now, 2y later, can’t stop thinking about it.
***(Background context: I’ve been in a on/off toxic relationship since 18–there’s been cheating, lost trust, betray. When I was sugaring, my boyfriend didn’t know the full extent of what I was doing, & when he found out I “had” to stop it all. He resents me for it; while I miss that time of my life.)***
I get so horny reading CNC & rape play experiences on here. I even went behind my bfs back (he just recently chested, again :/), & reached out to the sugar daddy that introduced these terms to me, & he wrote a story I can read & fantasize about. He’s open to it, I’m just holding back because of what happened last time sugaring & my bf.
Do I really want to experience this? Or is reading & fantasizing about it enough? I feel like I need this though…& my boyfriend is not into it at all. So I’m not getting fulfilled by him, making this want even stronger.
Is this a normal kink, or does it mean somethings wrong? Clearly, there’s a lot of other people who do. But is there a deeper meaning to why this is a want or is it masking something?
I know rape is wrong. So why do I want to be fucked like I’m being raped? It worries me that if that ever did happen, i’d enjoy it…
I just want to fully submit & have no control. I want someone else to take control & overpower me & degrade me. I want someone to be merciless (My bf hold backs just being rough). I want to feel objectified, like I’m just a toy. I want to be degraded & embarrassed.
Howdy I was wondering how to get better at dom stuff someone asked me if I’d be willing to do it and enthusiastic as I am I also have no idea what I’m doing.
Is there any advice I could get as a newbie or is it all experience?
To the doms and subs, what do you aim for in a dynamic?
It seems, possibly incorrectly, that it is disproportionately on the controlling side. I appreciate it can be both, but it is probably usually, if not always, both, but which one takes the lead?
I see being dominant as taking the lead, not determining the direction. And I do realise pleasure doms are a thing. Just interested to hear other people's take on it.
My girlfriend and I are pretty new to a Femdom dynamic. She first put a chastity device on me about a week ago, and so far we’re both really enjoying the experience. We’re interested in learning more about urethral sounding and have been doing some research, but we’d appreciate advice from people with experience.
What should beginners know?
Are there specific types of rods to start with?
What general safety concerns should we be aware of?
My partner is into cross dressing/ sissification.. I have no problem with that at all. Once it became a known thing we swiftly added it into our many bedroom( and non bedroom activities)
I've been completely open and accepting of all of their kinks and fetishes and tried to accommodate wherever I can.
So how should I be reacting to finding out he's recently joined multiple sissy/ crossdressing/ dominatrix sites ( I believe they are designed to match and meet people) and didn't tell me even when I asked if they were on any other sites ( I don't care about being on sites, I just like to be informed on which ones (( this goes both ways))
I completely understand and respect that for some people this side of them is private and they find it hard to share ( I know my bf does)... but I'm struggling with the fact that it's something I know about but he's still keeping things hidden when I've openly shared that I accept him fully for who he is and what he enjoys.
so I know there's lots of info out there for spanking (what areas are and aren't safe to hit, aftercare, risk awareness, etc) and I've done digging into that, but I haven't found much at all for self spanking. I don't have a partner but I really want to try it out, y'know? I don't bruise easily either, which is what I'm ultimately hoping to achieve, so I thought I'd try reaching out to a community and seeing if anyone has any advice!
right now, I've mostly used impromptu items bc I haven't been sure if I wanted to go full into this kink. but I think I'm ready to try it. I guess what I'm looking for is what tool would be best (crop? paddle? other?) to use on myself and any general advice regarding doing it solo
thanks in advance!!
Hey lovely people. Im sorry if this isnt the right forum for this but i havent found any other place to ask. Ive been searching for a dynamic for a long time by now and i think i speak for all of us submissives when i say its not easy. I understand that its not supposed to be but it shouldnt be impossible right?
What im really wondering about is if any of you lovely dommes would be kind enough to share some advice. Where have you found your submissives and what can we who are looking for someone do to be noticed? I understand that theres alot of guys who are disgusting pieces of shit haha. But we who do our best not to be how can we find you?
(TW: Sexual assault, sexual trauma, childhood trauma)
As I (25M) said in my title, I crossed a serious sexual boundary with my girlfriend (26F) and I am spiralling and need genuine advice, guidance, and support. I am not here to make excuses for what I did and I acknowledge that what I did was seriously wrong, but I would like to provide context for understanding.
Context:
My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. Throughout our relationship, we have had a complicated sexual dynamic. Early on, we had a very active sex life, but over time she opened up about sexual trauma, low libido, possible asexuality, and discomfort with direct sexual requests and communication. She also has autism/PDA and says that direct conversations about sex or planned sex make her feel pressured.
Over time, our sexual dynamic became very indirect and, at times, confusing. We explored CNC/free-use style dynamics together (with safewords), including role-play where “no” was sometimes part of the fantasy unless a safeword was used. We also engaged in sleep-related sexual play where I would sometimes touch or finger her while she was asleep or half-asleep, which she previously expressed enjoying. However, looking back, I realise our boundaries became extremely blurred and unsafe.
At the same time, our sex life declined significantly over the years — from several times a week, to a few times a week, to once a week, to once every two weeks, and now sometimes once or twice a month. I have a very high libido, and physical affection is very important to me emotionally, so this has been very difficult. Meanwhile, she increasingly only wanted sex rarely and on her own terms or timing. Because of this, I started building resentment, feeling unwanted, undesirable, sexually neglected, and emotionally disconnected. I also increasingly relied on porn and masturbation due to the lack of sexual intimacy.
Post:
Recently, I did something that I now realise crossed a serious line. I went into the room while she was asleep and tried to initiate oral sex by putting my penis in her mouth while she was sleeping. I had seen a porn scenario like this before and wrongly assumed she might be into it based on our previous dynamics. She woke up panicked and later told me she feels like I sexually assaulted her.
I immediately apologised and acknowledged that what I did was wrong, but I also panicked and became defensive while trying to explain how our confusing sexual dynamic and my resentment contributed to me making such a terrible decision (which I now realise likely came across as minimising or deflecting instead of fully centring her experience).
I am struggling heavily with shame and self-hatred right now because I genuinely never wanted to hurt or violate my partner, but I understand that intent does not erase impact.
I am not looking for people to tell me she is wrong or that what I did was okay. I already understand I crossed a line. I am trying to understand:
Please be honest but constructive.
(PS: I understand this is a very triggering topic. I am not trying to justify my actions — I am trying to understand them and take responsibility for them. I am doing my best to sit with the reality of what I’ve done.)
My partner and I were chatting with a guy a few weeks ago. He's super sweet and kind but not very extroverted.
We asked him about his experience with the local community and he said he'd tried a few times to get his foot in the door but hadn't ever felt welcome. He said how at Munches he'd just sit there quietly listening to people talk. He described it as if he was deemed like he didn't belong before he opened his mouth.
This got me thinking about my friend who's mentioned similar things. He showed up, got given the stink eye and was kept at arm's length before giving up on trying to find community. And I've read a few stories over the years of, mostly men, expressing the same thing.
I think I got pretty lucky when I still identified as a man. I had a partner already and I wasn't exactly subtle about being queer in a very queer community locally. But for more straight passing cis men, I can't help but feel terrible looking back, wondering if there were guys who would have been awesome to hang out with but never got given the time of day.
I don't know, this post is kind of rambly and anecdotal and I'm probably not making a lot of sense. I just feel like maybe we could be more welcoming to people as a wider community. I'm going to try and find the people sitting on their own at munches and talking to them. I grew up being the odd one out and now I feel like I'm isolating others like that. It sucks.
Genuinely. When I'm reading my smut on ao3, as soon as a bondage scene is there the dom will pull out a silk scarf specifically. Rope seems to be a somewhat uncommon bondage device despite it being what's recommended by most riggers.
Is jute just too scary? Do people hate hemp? Is it because hemp rope kinda smells like a barn? I guess silk is a sexy fabric or whatever, but why choose that specifically? Why not,,, idk, a leather belt?
I'm very serious. What's up with that? I know this is a very random and hyper specific question but I'm genuinely curious.
My fiance and I are wanting to explore D/s and BDSM dynamics, but we're both complete beginners. One thing we've discovered is that he really likes being called "Sir," and I like the idea too, but I always feel awkward or can't find a natural moment to use it.
For those with experience, how did you ease into incorporating titles like "Sir" or other D/s elements into your relationship? What beginner-friendly things helped you explore the dynamic without feeling forced or like you were playing a role?
Also, if you could give one piece of advice to a curious couple just starting to explore BDSM together, what would it be?
I'm very curious about TPE although I have seen the actual contract agreement I haven't seen an actual schedule or training or template for a TPE may I ask if you have a copy just for me to see?
I'm unsure if this breaks any rules (if so then I apologise) but basically me and my ex both created fetlife accounts since we both were interested in kink. When doing so we obviously put on both our profiles that we were dating and followed each other/friended each other. Eventually we broke up and I've been interested in getting back into kink but I've been told via friends that my ex isn't exactly doing great and I'd rather she not get any notifications or anything if I was to either unfollow/unfriend her or change anything actually on my profile. I don't think I could find anything in settings and wanted to check if she would get any sort of notification if I changed things. Any help would be fantastic!
My boyfriend has been unknowingly clicker training me in my sleep, are my boundaries being crossed?
A throwaway because my friends know my Reddit account. Some background; My boyfriend and I both enjoy 'kinky' sex, and up until now it's been enjoyable for both sides.
Our sleeping schedules are also pretty unaligned but they work weirdly well.
We will both be in bed by 10pm and he will cuddle with me until I fall asleep, but will often not be able to sleep himself, so after I pass out he will get up, do some chores, finish some uni work, etc. and go to bed at like 3am.
Then I'll wake up at 7ish to a clean house and get some morning me-time to make breakfast, chill out, go grocery shopping, etc. I'm also a pretty deep sleeper, who talks in her sleep and even when I'm woken up at night it's basically like I'm only half awake and I won't remember things in the morning. All my family know that If you ask me to do anything when I'm half awake or just woke up don't expect me to remember to do it.
Anyway the other day I'm studying and I hear this clicking behind me and for some reason it's a really familiar sound and I get this reaction in my body, and I turn around to see my boyfriend holding this clicker you use to train dogs with a shit eating grin on his face. And I'm like "what was that?" And he says that he knew it would work, and explains that for a couple of weeks (I think two or three) when I've been fast asleep at like midnight or 1 am he's been coming back into bed and cuddling with me, and asking me things like "xxx, xxx, who's my good girl?", "who wants to make me happy?" Etc. and when I respond positively in my sleep (or maybe half asleep) he will praise me and click that clicker. So at night he's been touching me and cuddling me and dirty talking me, and getting me subconsciously horny and then clicking the clicker when I give the right response. We haven't done anything like that in this relationship before, and the relationship itself is relatively new. We've been together for a year. He said I've been enjoying it, and I mean I must have been because the sound of that clicker thing turned me on, but is this even consensual?
What is problematic to me here is that if he had talked to me before I would have probably agreed to try it. And there have been some hypothetical day-dreams or things I've shared with him that have made him think that I'd be okay with this, but nothing was set out, no boundaries were put in place. No, apart from the pre-setting of boundaries as a boundary he hasn't crossed any lines for me personally though, which is where I'm very thoroughly confused as to if this is okay or not. I know everyone has their own relationships and other people aren't into this at all, so it would be assault, but there's a basis in our relationship that I can see where he's worked off of. I genuinely don't know if he's slowly pushing past boundaries to do something worse in the future, or if he's made a simple mistake.
Is this just a young couple experimenting with BDSM and he's made a mistake or is this a warning sign.
I don't have anyone in my life who I feel comfortable talking about this in any way with. I'm a pretty private person when it comes to my sex life and just don't talk about it past the bare minimum with friends and family. So I don't know who to get advice from