u/Middle_Yesterday1258

I tried looking before and maybe I didn't search the right words but I'd really prefer to find a community for switches. This community is fine, but feels too broad for me. And I enjoy femdom communities but can't always relate to how much dislike of switches there are in them. I think switches are the best of both worlds

UPDATE: Guys check the comments we have a sub now!

Obviously I don't want someone to be sad, I don't really mean in a heartbroken way. Whenever I see certain men cry on TV I think they look so cute and it softens my heart.

Or it's cute when they're being overwhelmed 🤗 or when they get needy and beg like "No please staaay" it's so cute 🤧

There are a lot of posts already complaining about subs, but I would genuinely like this question be considered by the subs that read posts here and pass by. (And based on my own interactions and experience with male subs I know most of them don't ask questions here at all. They frequently use reddit just to watch porn.)

How many subs are actually trying to connect with someone and recognize them as another human being and how many are just looking for interactive porn?

I don't think this question will apply to most of the submissives that frequent this page as people who come here partake in discussion and try to learn. It applies more to the ones that pop up here sometimes saying they can't find someone or the ones that lurk.

Many of you subs:

• Frequently delete your accounts and make new ones
• Don't read requirements and expectations
• Know about femdom through porn only
• Make your first DM a long kink list with almost nothing about who you are
• Have hidden/empty profiles. We notice this and are less likely to interact.
• Are commenting your thirst on NSFW posts. Sometimes extensively. YES we see this. NO it is not attractive.
• Are looking for online anonymous interactions when that hardly allows any reciprocation so most dommes don't care for it. Based on survey results, most dommes are looking for LTR. Stop lying to dommes (and to yourselves) about what you actually have the capacity for
• Are ashamed of being submissive. These feelings make sense, but letting your shame and fear affect how you interact with dommes is unfair
• Go for fantasy/kink first type posts and then are surprised when it's a bot or seller
• Let the domme come up with all the fun ideas and instructions. That's passive not submission
• Aren't good with communication. Some of you seem to actually think dommes have to be mind readers in order to be truly dominant. We're dommes, not telepaths. Trust and communication are very important
• Have attachment style issues. Hot and cold. Get anxious if we don't choose you right away. Get avoidant once the fantasy takes effort.
• Aren't even considerate enough to tell someone when you're going to be busy, but then want to profess how you're such a good obedient sub
• Want the domme to work around your schedule only
• Focus on asking about our sexuality and what we're willing to do to you instead of asking us about things we like to do or even asking what you could do for us.
• Don't make your own post or profile. Don't go to munches. Refuse to tell anyone you're submissive.(Some of you don't even tell the person you married.) Intimacy and asking for what you want does require a level of vulnerability.

So many of you do any number of these and then talk about how you can't find someone, how hard it is to connect - how you'll never find a domme, how you'll probably end up being with a submissive woman. Well you're gonna get your self-fulfilling prophecy.

Now how many of you:

• Come up with fun ideas? Come up with ways you can both enjoy time together?
• Send texts saying you'll be busy before you're asked?
• Make an opening message longer than 2 sentences?
• Remember things or write them down so a domme doesn't have to ask twice?
• Remember details about what she's said about herself?
• Make your own post or put yourself out there?
• Admit when you don't think you're compatible?
• Admit when you like or didn't like something so the domme can adjust as needed?
• Commit to doing something when you said you would?

Sadly, I'm sure the number isn't high. That's the problem. That is the main reason many can't get someone, not just because there's some shortage of real dommes. So many of us have faced any number of these time and time again that many have stopped bothering. I have found one out of however many guys that has given me something without it being a task, and we are more of a friendship/assistant dynamic. I think that says a lot.

[Not saying this applies to all submissive men, but it's a strong enough pattern that it's tiring for so many. I understand submissive men have their own issues coming across scammers or trying and not getting a response. Or sometimes the chemistry just isn't there.]

What are your favorite tasks to give a sub?

Speaking sfw wise I've enjoyed moments where I'd have a sub draw a picture for me or they drew one for me just because. It's super cute. Sometimes they aren't that good at drawing and that makes it a little funny. Either way it goes on the digital fridge lol. ⭐️

Another thing that's always fun is when they let me pick clothes for them or help them shop.

I've never posted on here but I like how small this community feels. 💟 I just felt like rambling to a community that gets it.

I've been thinking a bit more lately about where this part of myself came from and I realized it's always sort of been there, that I've always been sensitive on the inside and wanting to sort of "adopt" or care for people or creatures I saw as cute and needing care.

I fully realized my preference for being a "mommy" type actually came fairly recently, maybe within the past 2 years? It actually makes me so happy when I can be this side of myself 😭. It just makes me sad I'm not able to delve into it often because I only do it with certain men that pull that vibe from me & and get along with outside of it. 😥 And even then, a lot of times it feels like I have to hold back. I want someone who is happy to let me do these things.

I love the nonsexual side too like giving cookies and treats, head pats, cuddles, praise, and picking out clothes. It honestly makes me so happy and excited 🤧 I wish these moments weren't so short lived.

I hope I can one day have my dream of having such a dynamic long term.

I feel like finding a sub I click with is like a needle in a haystack. I have found some previously but they'd go from excited to bailing or not working with me on their schedule.

I also noticed the fem dom personals seem to get less traction than they used to. I used to see women get something like 50-80 up votes regularly, now many seem to be around 15-30 and I'm not sure if it's because of the season or if many people have just given up.

Dating apps, it's nice to be able to see the individual up front, but I always hate how dating apps feel like looking through a magazine. I'm also sort of demisexual so even if I look at men online and see they're attractive I don't really register it fully or have any desire toward them. That makes it hard for me to decide who to like since I need to at least sort of know their personality.

I've heard chyrpe and feeld are good but I really would prefer starting with a more online dynamic at this time. I do best starting as sort of friends at least at first. So I'm not totally against them, but I'm not sold on them yet.

I heard discord servers are decent so I'm curious about that but the only one I know of is 30+ and I am not quite there lol.

Does anyone have further advice or recommendations? Has anyone else noticed a shift online with less DMs or engagement?

Edit: Stop sending me DMs lying about your age. And you should stop hiding your posts if you want a domme to interact with you.

I'm going to be pretty straightforward with this one gang 😎 I have managed to get a great creative assistant with my previous ads, now I'm looking for something more cute and fun to fill my days with. Someone to shake around like a chew toy 🌞

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I need a cute pretty boy to enjoy. Someone who will obey instructions, talk on vc, send pictures of outfits and vacations, practice French with me, and model once in a while. Since this is pretty specific (especially for modeling) I'm going to be more picky than usual. You must:

• be 25-33, I'm not into big age/maturity gaps. If you're outside of this—READ, ARE YOU READING? – DO NOT DM ME.
• heterosexual
• must be single 😑 no hidden wives or girlfriends
• be 5'10" - 6'4" with a toned or athletic build. Not bulky/super muscular
• be accepting of your subby tendencies 👊
• look relatively masculine. Not a feminine pretty boy. Think of Adam Levine, Penn Badgley, Theo James types. Not E-boys or Jason Mamoa/Chris Hemsworth.
• let me do virtual window shopping with you and figure out what makes you pretty/handsome
• lay out your clothes and let me help you pick what to wear some days
• like showing off
• have cheeky humor and banter
• like being called pretty and cute 🎀
• do voice calls and listen to music with me on discord. Love night music sessions 🎶
• not be too shy, you will have to model at some point
• let me put a bow emoji in your hair and we have sleepovers nights where we watch a movie and eat popcorn 🍿 + wear moisturizing face masks lol
• not have anxious attachment style, I need an avoidant so we can trauma bond 😈
• realize that that last point was a joke or else we probably won't get along 😭 it's a filter. If someone is too literal I don't like sitting there explaining that my jokes aren't serious

I do like really calm chill guys and guys that can be a little sassy. I seen to vibe best naturally with those that have been doms before or have some brat to them even if they are good at doing tasks. The natural banter flows better.

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About me: I have a super long post about myself but to keep it brief here-- I'm American, 5'5", tan with thickish legs/booty. I always say God knew I'd be too powerful with larger boobs 😮‍💨. Dark curly hair around my shoulders. INFP/ENFP type mbti. Pisces, I don't really believe in all that, but I find it interesting. I get along with Scorpio, Cancer, Leo, Capricorn, and Libra the most? I like art, flowers, music, fashion, animals, psychology, movies + shows, writing, cooking, and making meme references. I'm naturally pretty bossy and opinionated honestly lol. I can be pretty sweet though 🙂. I've been told I laugh a lot. Privacy is very important to me. I'll respect yours so I expect the same. I won't be sharing pics of myself unless I'm comfortable but I'll often send pics of things in my life. My dog is one of the cutest ever and you must acknowledge this 🔪. The fire Elmo GIF is my favorite and perfectly demonstrates my personality.

FAIR WARNING: I will yap a lot. This is inevitable. The first 2-3 weeks I probably won't because the amount of DMs exhausts me and I have a life. If you expect instant chemistry or are pushy and expect me to be lively and interesting day one get out of my life and shut up 😔. (Napoleon Dynamite reference for those of you that aren't cultured.)

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Idea of some tasks and how they will work:

• share snippets of your life like aesthetic photos of places you have visited
• send me recipes on command
• work out sessions with me. This could be me jogging while we talk or us doing the same work out
• follow instructions for poses Etc. You'll get a good boy points board where you can exchange points for rewards. If your points are too low it will result in punishment. Punishments can range from push-ups to having to draw me a picture or whatever I pick that day.

Ideally we'd be able to form some sort of friendship and talk about our lives as well. We'll play little games like truth or dare and smash or pass lol.

Not into:

• D&D 😭 sorry I know some of you men love your wizard roleplay, I just don't vibe with it personally
• tons of talking about our jobs. I don't think work is interesting. You'll see me go catatonic. 😶
• Lack of empathy. GROSS
• Crappy communication. We're adults. Use your words or emojis if you gotta, that's what our benevolent overlords gave them to us for.
• Excessive video game playing. I like video games sometimes but I'm more into watching you die in them and laughing
• making the gym or outside your personality. You gotta come inside at some point so we can talk 🤨

Into/fine with:

• guys that play tennis, basketball, or like running and archery
• guys that play instruments or are learning
• guys that find me mildly weird yet endearing 😀
• guys that sometimes play video games and like playing puzzles on rainy days

Limits: scat, anal, blood, illegal stuff, blackmail, femboy, cuck

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Sending a DM:

• tell me your age, hobbies, timezone, height
• if you open with saying "hi mommy" or anything similar you will be blocked 👁 _ 👁
• preference for men who actually have something on their profiles. I have tons of stuff on my profile. I'm not a mystery. My posts are there for a reason.
• after you send it and I reply to you I'll be responding to you as if I am from Bee's Palace if you can keep up with the bit you'll be permitted in.

I'm gonna wait 1 week to receive responses and filter out those that get cold feet. If I don't respond right away it's not necessarily a rejection. If you do want faster acknowledgement, adhere to my requirements. Adding a photo might also make things faster honestly.

I looked back at old chats and just brief discussions with men and noticed some had deleted their entire profiles. Some seem to get a little weird after they've expressed certain desires.

I've seen it said on here that subs often delete their profiles when they feel ashamed or are secretly in a relationship.

A few I have engaged with a bit more recently (even just friendly) though they acknowledged being sub, they are kind uneasy or maybe shy about it. I understand that for men it's not considered the norm but it seemed like it's becoming more accepted and popular?

I don't have this same shame, I accepted it so I can't really relate. I feel like if you're going to try to engage in this sort of dynamic you have to be willing to say what you want and be relatively comfortable. Some subs seem to expect dommes to be mind readers.

I don't mind creating a comfortable environment for someone, but I also don't want to waste my time with someone that will freak out and pull away.

I'm curious as to how others go about this or feel about this