I've been trying to find a new partner recently (21m and a sub btw), and for some personal reasons since irl meetings are not really an option I've been trying my chances on different subredddits.

I gotta say I do feel a bit burnt out now. Basically what I've seen so far is a circle of getting no dms when I poster when I do, getting ghosted or be clearly dealing with a scammer or a bot.

Now I understand many of the rejections since my Location is not really optimal(im in the middle east which makes things harder since majority of the users are American), and also I am indeed chubby which is a dealbreaker for many. However it still does for sure hurt overtime after taking too many of such rejections so im just wondering, should just take a break for now and give up on meeting new people with the mindset of potentially meeting a domme? Or should I just close the case entirely and give up.

Orrrr idk really but really thank you for reading all this <3

Hi all, I'd like to share a situation I'm in and hear your thoughts, especially from the Dommes here.

My ex-girlfriend and I have a complex history. She's always been the one in control, even putting me in the "friend zone" before we ever dated. Now that we've broken up, she's insistent on being good friends.

For my part, my feelings have evolved. I don't want friendship; I feel a strong pull to serve her. The idea of her dominating or humiliating me is what I truly want.

The challenge is her self-image. I labelled her "vanilla," but her actions tell a different story. She has this powerful "lioness" energy, she gets annoyed when I'm not independent enough, yet she once told me she's attracted to men who let women "exploit their feminine side." It feels like she's describing the exact dynamic I crave, but she doesn't have the framework (D/s, femdom) to see it that way.

Has anyone here ever successfully transitioned a relationship like this? Can a "vanilla" woman with dominant tendencies be guided into a more formal D/s dynamic with an ex who is eager to submit? Or am I just projecting my own desires onto something that isn't there?

As someone who’s fairly new to the femdom community, one thing I’ve noticed is that many people seem to focus heavily on the kink itself, while others talk about the relationship dynamics behind it.

For those with experience in long-term D/s relationships, what do you think matters most for making a dynamic sustainable?

Is it trust? Communication? Consistency? Compatibility in kinks? Something else entirely? And tbh I would love to know what qualities make a submissive genuinely valuable beyond simply being obedient.

Hi, I’m a bloke, I’m 29. It just so happened that from the very start of puberty, when I hadn’t even seen any erotic material yet, I used to fantasise about submission, although at the time I didn’t realise that was exactly what it was. Of course, I grew up, and my preferences became much clearer and I delved deeper into the subject; however, I’ve never found like-minded people, never found anyone I could talk to about this and gain experience (both sexual and relationship-wise).

On top of that, my physical appearance probably adds to the situation: I’m 160 tall, have a baby face and a generally gentle nature.

All my life, all I’ve done is try to fight against this part of myself, trying to force myself to want to dominate, to want to be ‘normal’ – primarily because I’m not sure I’ll be able to find relationships and gain experience if I leave things as they are.

It’s worth mentioning that I used to live in a country where patriarchal attitudes are very strong, as is the general level of ‘traditionalism’; I now live in Germany, but because of the language barrier and the fact that I’m an introvert, this hasn’t changed much for me.

Dear community, what do you think – is there any point at all in fighting against myself, trying to change who I am and at least trying to appear like a ‘normal’ bloke? I’d be grateful for any advice you can offer.

My girlfriend and I want to step up our facesitting/smothering game. We have seen videos where the sub is in some sort of full body black suit where they are unable to move etc.

Also we have a hard time keeping any tape to stay on my mouth, it usually gets sweaty and comes off too easy which then allows me to breath through my mouth rather than just my nose which takes away from the fantasy.

Does anyone have advice for stuff we could try?

It turns out I have a foot fetish, and it's very strongly associated with female domination, something like being a "foot slave," but I don't like anything else related to femdom.

• Denial of orgasm and chastity: not a chance. I couldn't enjoy it if I didn't have orgasms or if I had a cage on my genitals.
• Pegging: I'm not attracted to anal play either.
• CBT, ballbusting: a light tap there and I wouldn't get up from the pain.
• Whipping, slapping: I don't like the idea of ​​being in pain.
• A 24/7 relationship: I wouldn't like to feel like a slave outside of sessions. I like hugs, cuddles, receiving oral sex, etc.
• Being tied up: I also don't like the idea of ​​being tied up and doing nothing.

I want to clarify that I've never had a session or anything like that, and of course, if I did, I'd be willing to do certain things if the dom liked them, to please her, but gentle things, nothing extreme.

I just have that one question and I'm interested in knowing what the doms think. I want to clarify that I'm not trying to disrespect anyone.

22M with zero experience. I don't know how long it will be before I find someone to explore with, but there's one thing that worries me. One of the most common pieces of advice I hear is that needs and desires should be clearly expressed. However the last thing I want is to tell a girl what I want and have her do that. It seems like that would completely ruin the magic of the whole thing.

Im really not sure how I think it's supposed to go. I wouldn't expect her to guess or figure out what I like vs don't like, but I also don't want to straight up say what I like. I think part of it may also be that I wouldn't want her to do anything that she doesn't want to do herself. Am I overthinking the whole thing? For other subs, do y'all typically just state exactly what you want? For Dommes, is it really that important to you that your subs tell you exactly what they want?

ever since i’ve started having sex i definitely have grown in my sexual life as a dominant straight male for the most part but i do get off to femdom porn when i’m alone i’ve found myself loving watching handjob videos w anal play, edging, like i love seeing the woman be in full control of my orgasm that’s usually the farthest i’ll go tho because i know it can get deeper im not fully into full on pegging or anything but ya lmk how to get into this with a real person or if this route is even for me or not

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I have my consultation call with a domiantrix next week (she's london based) ahead of session soon, im really nervous and don't want to come across in an unserious way.

Also how do I say things like im into foot worship but like clean feet

And with anal play, say that ive used this dildo but dont exactly want to travel with my own dildo in my bag.

Any small gift ideas would be great as she's my first pro and I want this to be an ongoing dynamic if all goes to plan.

Plus im doing this while in a relationship with my partners blessing but not sure if I should ask my dom for photos and videos of what we get up to as while my partner is cool with this and im doing it a birthday treat not sure how far to push what we do in case she feels she's not doing enough.

Hello, I wanted to post and see if there would be anyone willing to mentor me about femdom lifestyle?

My partner is super interested in being dominated by me. I have a fairly low sex drive and he has a very high sex drive. Naturally this has caused some disconnect between the two of us. I want to show him I care about his needs, kinks and try to jump into the femdom lifestyle.

I truly don’t know where to start and I was hoping to talk to someone about what he likes and what I could do to start. I’ve read about scenes and scripts but even still I feel so lost.

I am open to all advice if anyone is willing to help out someone who is new to this community! Thank you!

Okay I know this gets posted in reverse often and I’ve tried those suggestions… I’ve tried a couple different ways and turn downs have come for a few reasons. Attraction is an obvious one online and in person. The others are red/yellow flags that I need to work on listening to better tbh but they are warning signs that tell me I need to understand the person better. But if there are red/yellow flags and no attraction then I don’t want to continue. I need to have a line somewhere I guess and attraction is much clearer without requiring hours to days to weeks of convo to fairly uncover in some cases.

The flags are more nuanced and i’d rather not discuss those right now. So I’m focusing my question on attraction alone.

I’ve tried being very straight forward and asking for photos early on. My ad mentions it too. With a couple people I just told them thanks for their time etc but they weren’t my type or something to that effect. (This all feels so mean though…and I hate it) and in return I’ve been guilt tripped, berated and even had someone try to convince me I’d be forever unhappy if I let attraction rule my romantic life (this interaction had a bunch of the warning flags too and created a few new ones) and I gave several reasons besides attraction initially. I have fallen into the trap of letting bad behavior go due to a partner’s attractiveness & being in love with them a few times in my life which is a whole other thing I’m working on in therapy…

Anyways ghosting seems like the safest, easiest option which sucks. But I really don’t want to ghost anyone since it’s awful. And I’m also really working on not letting attraction be an end all be-all as it is a scale too. Any suggestions from both sides or people who have a kind way to handle this? Thanks!

My husband introduced me to the idea of being his Dominant about 1.5 years ago, and I want to share our really simple dynamic that works well for us.

This isn't advice, it's barely an anecdote, so treat with a grain of salt.

Skipping all the parts about finding ourselves, experimenting with rules & expectations, burnout, and work/life/us balance, what we struggled with was overcomplicating things and what ended up working was just having a really simple set of rules:

1. Listen to me
2. Be proactive
3. No "DIY"

They're the only rules we have, and this is what we've agreed on:

1. Listen to me

• If I tell you to do something, do it.
• If you disagree with something, voice it, but I always have the final say.
• No complaining.

2. Be proactive

• This goes for chores, dates, pampering, paying bills.
• Fix things before they become a problem.

3. No "DIY"

• Lock up when I'm out.
• Unlock when I'm home.
• No touching.

It might look or sound extreme for some, but from the outside, we look like a regular & boring couple and on the inside, we're very loving, affectionate, chill, and happy best friends!

That’s it, that’s the message. Dating as a domme? Utterly soul sucking. Life draining. I can’t even begin to describe what I’ve experienced this past year.

Here are some stories from this past WEEK alone.

Finally found a local sub who checked off all of the boxes, who I found attractive and was starting to like after talking with for a bit, and *BAM* - he canceled our planned date and ended things super abruptly.

I cried a bit, dusted myself off and tried to move forward. The next one?! Oh you know, just found out he was secretly FULLY MARRIED and had a whole wife. (Contacted the wife to let her know because clearly I’m doing to lord’s work out here.)

Next one after that? Found out (by no admission of his own) that he was spending 10k+ on cam girls. Please, don’t even get me started.

One after that? Having some great general conversation, attractive, seemed sweet/decent, even sent me photos of his entire family/siblings and spoke in depth about his life, exchanged numbers, etc. - and bam, woke up blocked and ghosted the next morning.

There’s plenty more but I’m just… baffled. How are y’all single dommes doing that are seeking a relationship? I feel like the dating market is insane right now and I’m just close to calling it quits.

——-

Editing because… WTF? Since posting this, I’ve received a message that started with the following. You cannot make this shit up.

“Okay, so...this is going to be a breach of social etiquette. I want to say off the bat that I haven't come here to shame you or judge you. I came here because my story might be something you'll appreciate hearing.

I saw your post in FemdomCommunity and then I stalked your Reddit profile and I see you're 250 lbs and 5'3" tall. If you're content with that body, then feel free to stop reading. There's nothing wrong with being content with any body type.

But, if you are unhappy with it, I might have some thoughts that could help you…”

Hi. My Domme and I have been together almost 15 years. The past few years we’ve been “on again, off again” trying to make long distance work. We have a total Dominant/slave dynamic.

I don’t wanna get too long winded about our relationship but want to explain we’ve been in each other’s life for a very long time and I know her likes and wants very well and understand her really well.

The issue I’m having is that she’s gained a lot of weight lately. This doesn’t matter to me one bit. When I look at her she’s still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life. I’m still very physically attracted to her and emotionally still just as devoted and caring as always. It has, however, really affected her and her esteem and confidence. She has always had a praise kink but has asked me not to praise anymore cause it makes her feel uncomfortable. I’m guessing it’s because she doesn’t believe the praise. Praise was a very big part of my service to her and it’s hard to just shut off but when I slip I can feel her discomfort.

I’m looking for advice on ways I can show support and help her feel beautiful without making her feel uncomfortable. She’s really going through a depression with this and I’ve been trying to give her space. I feel she needs space but I don’t wanna give her so much space that she feels I’m wandering off. I want her to feel like a sexy Princess again and know that my devotion doesn’t matter on a body type and she’s still the same person I gave myself to a long time ago

It's so difficult finding a sub man online and ESPECIALLY in person. No one listens to rules listed. Ive deleted my posts out of frustration. I ask for a specific type of man who has no trace of being a dom anywhere on his account yet switch men try contacting as if they are special enough to bypass that rule.

I list specific kinks and limits and they try contacting me asking if I'm willing to let go of limits or let go of the non negotiable kinks.

Men who lie about being sub just to later on try to dom me? Horrible. Men who try to immediately contact me being corny and try to use me as a sort of kink dispenser? Horrible.

Dommes are human too and have feelings. There is an apocalypse of fake dommes as well as theres fake subs.

Ive had 4yrs+ experience and so much bad experience.

So I'd like some advice from the Dommes here on what would be the best way to go about with this problem. So I know that when I Domme posts a personal their inbox will get absolutely flooded with requests. And I know that a large portion of them will mostly be from fake subs and time wasters and people who just want to jerk off and get off. I usually try to make a good first messege. I'm not the best at writing introducing myself messeges but if they pose questions in their personal or anything like that I always try to include all that in the first messege. But I very rarely get replies back. Now I understand that this could be they read the intro and it didn't vibe with them and that's ok but I also feel like it might just completely lost in the flood of messeges.

So my question. Should I maybe like send a follow up messege as like a push notification to get my chat up to the top? Or should I just still stick to sending one messege.

I don't want to be annoying and if I do start sending another messenge it would t just be like "push" or something pedantic like that. It would be like a "I hope I'm not lost in the sea of messeges" or " just sending a second one just Incase mine was missed" or something like that.

Would appreciate some opinions from Dommes one what they would prefer to see in their inboxes 😊

Edit: Wanted to add this as a clarification of why I'm asking. I was just recently maybe a few weeks ago talking to a Domme on here. I managed to catch the post like 15 minutes after she posted it so ended up talking to her. And she told me an hour later that she was glad I reached out in the beginning cause I would of been absolutely lost in the messeges cause within an hour she got like 120 requests.

They forget the other stuff:

🟢Clearing our throats obnoxiously loud while scrolling on our phone

⭕️ Picking our nose

⚪️What our hair looks like when we wake up

🟡The hair that grows on our bodies, which includes pits, bits, legs, nips, and above our lips

🟣Farting whenever

🩸Pads/Tampons/cups both unused and used (so many are still squeamish about stuff women been dealing with since we’re 12)

🟠Us having health issues and needing to be taken care of including but not limited to colds, coughs, diarrhea, hangovers, medical emergencies, chronic pain, etc

🔘Not knowing what we want to do (we’re not decision machines)

🟤Our messy houses, including using our dryer as secondary laundry storage

🐱Hair on everything we own and filling hair traps in our shower

👵🏻Us getting old

🌀Us being tired

And most importantly

🔴US NOT IN DOMME MODE 24/7

Domme’s feel free to add more in the comments, have a good weekend everyone!

posted it in another subreddit, but want to hear yours thoughts too, gals

so i run into the same situation a lot: the new sub i’m talking to says she wants me to use her. but when i ask “how can i use you?”, the answer only includes her… well… lying down and being on the receiving end.

the reason why i ask it in the first place is because there’s often some limits they list in the beginning that keeps my direct physical pleasure behind the bars, most popular of them being sexual interactions, BUT they say they’d be ready to do them later in the dynamic when trust’s built. which is totally fine by me! but i need clarity.

when they say they want ME to use THEM, i assume they want me to be selfish and do what is good for ME exclusively (considering their limits ofc). so when they say they wanna be used by… idk, being tied up and made to cum, makes me kinda confused. so i elaborate: “here in your message you listed this and this and this as your limits, are you okay with doing those now?”, and the answer is yes, but again, they see being used as being passive and receiving. it just confuses me cuz… how is that different from our usual s/m scenes?

do i not get the concept of using right? do people just perceive it so differently? or is it a kink dispenser situation? unfortunately it’s very common for me and i don’t fully understand if i’m the one having weird expectations or not

61 M 50 F married. She hasn't shown much interest in locking me up over past few years but we've dabbled with some success. She hasn't managed the key and I havent been fully committed when locked so talk my way out only to go back to self serving. Yesterday while on vacation she sat down and put a small key on the dinner table and smiled. I'm thrilled but need advice. Do i just lock up until further notice or do I try to talk about it with her? She has mentioned in the past that she was annoyed by my inability to stay the course. Help!

Hello all! New here. I’ve always been the s in D/s but I feel I am coming into my feminine powers and have been considering trying FLR or findomme to see if that’s where I am now. I’ve had past doms tell me I’m secretly a D but I always emphatically said no.

So I’m not new to the scene but I’m not sure where to start to find a subbie who would be ok with someone learning the ropes (heh). What would you suggest are the best subreddits or apps to learn steps to be a femdom (like safety, privacy, what to avoid etc). I’m happy to hear any advice/suggestions. TIA