u/tremblingfrog

in the beginning of last week i separated with my previous sub. they didn’t want to interact with me much. we did have fun, really. i was truly upset we were ending.

now i’m at a completely different height.

it doesn’t go as quickly for me… usually. not in years, honestly. and now i’m completely addicted to this new sub i have. they’re so eager. so needy. so desperate. they literally beg to touch me. as someone who’d been crying about my body being complicated and undesirable just a week ago, i’m intoxicated by that level of desperation for me. they beg to strap me. beg to lick my boots. beg to please my tits.

i’ve never felt so desired in my life. i feel high.

recently i went to a primal event. i’d been curious about that part of me for a while. to be honest, i expected it to be very cringy and thought i’d end up staying in the corner and not interacting with anybody.

i was wrong. well, it was indeed hella cringey at first, but then the part of me that cringed fell silent and i managed to properly dive into the primal state.

i’d been starved for touch for so long and ended up being held and caressed and scratched and bitten. it felt soo nice. then i had this butch lie on top of me. i scratched her back pretty intensely. she was whining into my neck and grinding against me.

man, i was horny as shit. too bad this event prohibited sexual interactions, so i had to shut it down. this was so new to me. i’ve considered myself to be a demi/sapiosexual. i value personal connection, which only builds by talking and talking and talking. i even vented here how hard it is to be horny, but not want anyone in particular. but that night, i was horny for someone i barely knew, in a pile of other biting and growling people.

i’m definitely coming back 🦦

when i’m the dom, i want to see the face, but i feel anxious making eye contact.

when i’m the sub, i don’t want to mask and perform all that social stuff.

so if the sub keeps their eyes down, the dom can still observe their face and reactions while they’re both at peace.

isn’t it just perfect?

i’ve been play partners with this girl for a little while. she claimed to be a switch, but she didn’t have much experience being the dom. initially i was suspicious about this situation, because i’ve interacted with a lot of self-proclaimed switches who never actually switched. so i treated our situation as i’m the dom and she’s the sub.

but recently she had started to switch. she’ve been showing a lot of interest in various practices. we even tried flogging on me with my devices. since then, she’d been trying new stuff in the dominant role.

but not with me.

and yes, we have talked about it. i have said i wanted to switch with her. she has expressed her desire to dom me. but then the conversation shifted. she says she wants to explore her dominant side more, that she has a lot of energy and desire for that, and that bottoming/subbing isn’t as attractive for her rn. when i suggest we do this or that, she just says she doesn’t want to do it with me. she’s extra nice about it. she always refers my own words, like the fact that my pain tolerance is pretty low and etc… so she wants someone who’d be able to handle more. which i can’t.

i know i don’t have the right to feel betrayed, but i do.

i feel like i’m simply not enough to be in the submissive role. i’m not masochistic enough. i’m not pretty and cute enough. i’m not bold enough. she wants me when i take care of everything, but not when i need to be coddled and soothed a bit. it’s her right. but i feel shitty. i look at all the subs who get to be taken care of while my needs stay to myself. i jerked off today and just started crying because i feel nobody would actually want to do anything to me and for me.

i know the answer is to keep looking and stuff… and i am looking. constantly. but i’m so tired. the longer i’m looking, the worse i feel about myself.

i dunno anymore 🫩

and also stepped on and kicked with it 😔 idk why all people i see with a fetish like that are gay men. and i only date women. they don’t seem to share my kink or share it in a receiving position only. that’s such a simple little thing, but i feel i won’t have anyone’s boot to grind any time soon 😭

this 1% is cockwarming. goddess nature has stripped me of the chance to experience the full extent of an embrace. i just want to cuddle and feel my girl from the inside for hours. a strap just isn’t it 😔

okay. this might sound like a ridiculous question solved with a simple “just talk to her”, but i’m just hella concerned

i have a sub who’s a major masochist. i always start slow and increase the level of pain, both in the set of the scene and in the whole relationship. out last few plays were ROUGH. today she even used her safe word. we also had an hour long warm up which put her into the right headspace. in the end of it, she was shaking and crying.

but then a 10 minute cuddle, and she’s just completely normal again.

that’s something i’ve been noticing in her. i can hurt her A LOT, but then she regains composure very quickly. no shaking, no tiredness, no husky voice. the feedback she’d been giving is pretty positive and usually she mentions some technical stuff. no major complaints.

i really hope it’s all okay. i don’t want the scenes to have lasting consequences. but it just puzzles me how quick she is to regain that normality even when the play’s been very, very rough for her. i always ask a lot of questions during the aftercare, suggest i bring some water or do anything extra than just holding her, but she just says “no, i’m okay” in that dead calm voice. i’m a little scared it might be some sort of a defense mechanism that can be followed with a major drop that i might miss this way. sure there’s nothing i can do but communicate with her, but it’ll really soothe my anxiety if some of you gals share your experience with such subs who recover so quickly. were they okay? if they weren’t, how did you deal with drops? any experience and advice appreciated

i’m a switchy sadomasochist, but 99% of the time i’m in the dominant position. i never had a stable domme and am really tired of going to kink events in the subby role just to satisfy my masochistic side. i have a sub girl now who is willing to learn impact and some other practices to bring me pleasure.

and sure. i’ll still be the one making decisions and ordering my sub around, and the scenes will me about my pleasure, so i don’t think being on the receiving end of painful practices is inherently shattering my role of a domme. but i’d still love to know if there’s some way to make my presence more dominant in the scene like that. any tips and experience appreciated!

tomorrow when she comes over, she’s gonna be tied up, blindfolded, gagged and made to kneel on rice. i’m gonna be cleaning up and then watching the film that’s been on my list for a while. the only tool i’m gonna use to entertain her is a wire. or maybe her favorite candle — the wax reaches 100°C when it melts. but otherwise, she’s gonna be my wiggling and squirming footstool while i’m resting.

she doesn’t need to know it yet 🧘‍♀️

it’s been a year since the last time i went on a date with a dominant woman. the wast majority of them were sorted out during the vetting process. even that woman turned out to want to switch, and in the end i was on top way more times than her. ironically, a few months after our ways parted, she texted me asking if she could become my submissive.

like… i get it. i’d probably suck as a sub. i’m timid and not the biggest masochist out there, plus i don’t like sex, not in the very beginning before there’s at least some connection built. i would probably be very boring to play with. i’m also perceived as a masc and a lot of women in my area are femme4femme. the vast majority of them i’d say.

like yeah, i do have a lot to offer as a sub. i have the desire for servitude, i’m pretty creative, i could organize dates for us, trips, cook for her, clean, give her massages, gifts. i’m a very thoughtful person and can spend hours figuring things out and making the most personalized offering if i’m interested.

but i simply don’t feel safe with dominant women. those few i actually matched with suddenly flaked and ghosted me before the meeting. most of them just demanded my pictures and me to follow commands before asking me a single meaningful question. i didn’t feel comfortable doing that, but i still played along because i was desperate for a domme. needless to say they weren’t actually interested in a real life play and dynamic.

i tried sticking to switchy girls. but for some reason all such girls i’ve met didn’t actually go on top. like… ever. idk why they even identified as switches tbh.

so in the end, i’m stuck in the dominant position. i’m tired and really want to decompress, but i simply don’t have the chance. i’m talking to a domme rn, she feels safe and cool, but she’d been postponing the meeting… a lot. i doubt we’ll actually meet. my hunger for subbing makes me feel frustrated. and the frustration might be making me a worse domme. so since i don’t want to be a bad domme for my subs, i’m thinking about taking a break from the scene or leaving it completely. i’ve been doing way too much work for way too little reward and don’t think it’ll change.

oh how i love anal sex. if it didn’t take that much preparation, i’d probably only do it.

yesterday i was back from the pretty long trip where i had 0 chance to masturbate. so when i got home, i immediately made up my mind. cleaned myself up, stretched my butt and jumped straight on a dildo.

my neglected cunt was DRIPPING while my ass was having it all. my clit was throbbing and demanding attention, but i kept stretching and stretching until i was able to take the biggest dildo i had.

the main catch of anal sex is that it feels good, but i’m not one of the lucky ones who can come like that. so i was riding and riding and riding fruitlessly while my clit begged for orgasm. i whipped it with my belt a little, then squeezed it in between my fingers and held while moving up and down again and again.

then i edged. just a few rubs, and i was already so close. but i withdrew, watching my empty pussy contract and seek friction. another edge. my hips started to move relentlessly despite myself, as if hoping to reach the g-spot from the butt. third edge made my pelvic floor contract so hard, i thought i’d squirm. the forth one’d been destined to fail: i came so hard my legs were shaking. my butt swallowed that dildo. i just sat there for a few minutes, so stuffed yet so empty, and tried to catch my breath.

man, i love anal

best thing a sub can offer me is proactive servitude. especially when i’m tired and stressed out, i get closed off. the last thing i think about is topping or ordering someone around, i’m on full survival and self-sustaining mode.

so when it happens, having a sub who doesn’t wait for me to have energy, but offers to come over and cook for me, or cuddle me, or whatever urge she gets when she knows i’m stressed out, is the best. hope i’ll find such one day.

p.s.: my personal preference, everyone’s kink is different and you’re not bad if you’re “tell me what to do” sub and not “let me do this for you” sub

posted it in another subreddit, but want to hear yours thoughts too, gals

so i run into the same situation a lot: the new sub i’m talking to says she wants me to use her. but when i ask “how can i use you?”, the answer only includes her… well… lying down and being on the receiving end.

the reason why i ask it in the first place is because there’s often some limits they list in the beginning that keeps my direct physical pleasure behind the bars, most popular of them being sexual interactions, BUT they say they’d be ready to do them later in the dynamic when trust’s built. which is totally fine by me! but i need clarity.

when they say they want ME to use THEM, i assume they want me to be selfish and do what is good for ME exclusively (considering their limits ofc). so when they say they wanna be used by… idk, being tied up and made to cum, makes me kinda confused. so i elaborate: “here in your message you listed this and this and this as your limits, are you okay with doing those now?”, and the answer is yes, but again, they see being used as being passive and receiving. it just confuses me cuz… how is that different from our usual s/m scenes?

do i not get the concept of using right? do people just perceive it so differently? or is it a kink dispenser situation? unfortunately it’s very common for me and i don’t fully understand if i’m the one having weird expectations or not

i don’t know why. but the sight of her all tired and barely able to talk from exhaustion and relaxed and drowsy… just makes me want to run my hands over her body, then let her lean into my chest while i rub her until she cums

this woman is driving me mad. she’s totally old enough to be my mother. i mean, she has a grandkid who is at least 3 years old. she always walks in the classroom in full glam: styled grey curly hair, big jewelry pieces, no makeup, but always in a suit. a colorful suit. she always chooses bold colors. green+red, blue+pink… damn i can’t take my eyes off her.

she’s got that old lady talking manner which i LOVE so much. she’s bold, confident, very educated, approaches topics with so much nuance. my fellow student said she’s threatened by our professor because she has such a dominating vibe. “YES SHE DOES. AND YES IT IS DISTRACTING AS HELL,” i said without elaborating what exactly i meant by it.

i once mentioned how some concept we were discussing in class reminded me of Good Omens. i asked her if she’d read it. she said she loved it and that the show (the even gayer adaptation) was great too. mind you, i’m from a country with anti queer laws. and this woman straight up tells me she loved a gay book and an even gayer show?? maybe i’m seeing things… but if feels like a hint.

i need her approval so badly. we’ve finished the course and i’m waiting for the exam. i want to the the perfect results just to know she read my answers and liked them. but gals i gotta be honest, i want it on a deeper level. i need her to command me how to make her feel good. i need her to pull my by the leash so i took the perfect pace and angle with my strap. i need her to flog me and ramble about the morals of consensual sadomasochism or the philosophical baseline of power exchange in modern BDSM. i need her to tell me how good i’ve been or teach me to do better.

omg why do i meet women like that at the uni 😭 why are they all my profesoras 😭😭 but here i am, jerking off and lowkey contemplating if i should somehow hint her something after the exam… and knowing i definitely won’t because it’d be inappropriate af.

i hope i will be able to be coherent here…

here’s the situation: i’ve been active in the community for a bit over a year now, and my longest connection with a sub lasted around 5 months. rn i’m actively looking for submissives, and i faced this issue that most submissives are okay with me having other subs…

as long as they’re “the primary one”.

but what is a primary submissive for me? i wouldn’t say i’m strictly poly or monogamous. biggest issue with monogamy for me is that i am a switch, so settling for one person means finding a switch who is actually switching and can do both with me. i can imagine being poly with the primary partner, but they’d also have to be a switch.

you can say: “those submissives just aren’t compatible with you”, and duh, sure. that’s why i part with a lot of them. but i see this request all over the place. that hits particularly hard because, well, i already have a submissive girl i’ve been playing with, but we’ve had like 2 sessions. no d/s yet, just a play partner. still figuring things out. so while i wouldn’t say she’s my partner, but i certainly will prioritize her over someone i haven’t even met yet. so is she the “primary” sub now? or what??

and let’s not forget about the domme shortage. that’s okay to be submissive and monogamous, you’re not morally wrong for “not wanting to share”. i’m talking about poly subs here. let’s just acknowledge the objective reality: there’s more people who want to be submissive than dominant. so if poly subs are willing to “share”, what exactly means they’re the “primary sub”? do i prioritize their needs over others’? and how fair would that be? or are they trying to secure themselves from that potential neglect by being “primary”?

i have described seeing myself in a poly relationship with a fellow switch, but for me “the primary partner” would be someone who i’m in a romantic relationship with and potentially live together. other partners would be my play partners only and i would not expect them to remain exclusive with me. that’s how i see things. the subs i’ve talked to express the desire to be the priority in the d/s setting specifically. which i don’t fully grasp tbh. i genuinely don’t understand what they mean by that and asking didn’t work out well. i’m still clueless.

i know there isn’t a specific question for you to answer. this whole thing is really new to me. i’m just kinda confused and unsure about everything. what are your experiences with this, dear subs and dommes of this subreddit? how do you see “the primary partner” in d/s? maybe my situation isn’t that deep and i’m overthinking. would love any advice or shared experience.