u/tremblingfrog

posted it in another subreddit, but want to hear yours thoughts too, gals

so i run into the same situation a lot: the new sub i’m talking to says she wants me to use her. but when i ask “how can i use you?”, the answer only includes her… well… lying down and being on the receiving end.

the reason why i ask it in the first place is because there’s often some limits they list in the beginning that keeps my direct physical pleasure behind the bars, most popular of them being sexual interactions, BUT they say they’d be ready to do them later in the dynamic when trust’s built. which is totally fine by me! but i need clarity.

when they say they want ME to use THEM, i assume they want me to be selfish and do what is good for ME exclusively (considering their limits ofc). so when they say they wanna be used by… idk, being tied up and made to cum, makes me kinda confused. so i elaborate: “here in your message you listed this and this and this as your limits, are you okay with doing those now?”, and the answer is yes, but again, they see being used as being passive and receiving. it just confuses me cuz… how is that different from our usual s/m scenes?

do i not get the concept of using right? do people just perceive it so differently? or is it a kink dispenser situation? unfortunately it’s very common for me and i don’t fully understand if i’m the one having weird expectations or not

i don’t know why. but the sight of her all tired and barely able to talk from exhaustion and relaxed and drowsy… just makes me want to run my hands over her body, then let her lean into my chest while i rub her until she cums

this woman is driving me mad. she’s totally old enough to be my mother. i mean, she has a grandkid who is at least 3 years old. she always walks in the classroom in full glam: styled grey curly hair, big jewelry pieces, no makeup, but always in a suit. a colorful suit. she always chooses bold colors. green+red, blue+pink… damn i can’t take my eyes off her.

she’s got that old lady talking manner which i LOVE so much. she’s bold, confident, very educated, approaches topics with so much nuance. my fellow student said she’s threatened by our professor because she has such a dominating vibe. “YES SHE DOES. AND YES IT IS DISTRACTING AS HELL,” i said without elaborating what exactly i meant by it.

i once mentioned how some concept we were discussing in class reminded me of Good Omens. i asked her if she’d read it. she said she loved it and that the show (the even gayer adaptation) was great too. mind you, i’m from a country with anti queer laws. and this woman straight up tells me she loved a gay book and an even gayer show?? maybe i’m seeing things… but if feels like a hint.

i need her approval so badly. we’ve finished the course and i’m waiting for the exam. i want to the the perfect results just to know she read my answers and liked them. but gals i gotta be honest, i want it on a deeper level. i need her to command me how to make her feel good. i need her to pull my by the leash so i took the perfect pace and angle with my strap. i need her to flog me and ramble about the morals of consensual sadomasochism or the philosophical baseline of power exchange in modern BDSM. i need her to tell me how good i’ve been or teach me to do better.

omg why do i meet women like that at the uni 😭 why are they all my profesoras 😭😭 but here i am, jerking off and lowkey contemplating if i should somehow hint her something after the exam… and knowing i definitely won’t because it’d be inappropriate af.

i hope i will be able to be coherent here…

here’s the situation: i’ve been active in the community for a bit over a year now, and my longest connection with a sub lasted around 5 months. rn i’m actively looking for submissives, and i faced this issue that most submissives are okay with me having other subs…

as long as they’re “the primary one”.

but what is a primary submissive for me? i wouldn’t say i’m strictly poly or monogamous. biggest issue with monogamy for me is that i am a switch, so settling for one person means finding a switch who is actually switching and can do both with me. i can imagine being poly with the primary partner, but they’d also have to be a switch.

you can say: “those submissives just aren’t compatible with you”, and duh, sure. that’s why i part with a lot of them. but i see this request all over the place. that hits particularly hard because, well, i already have a submissive girl i’ve been playing with, but we’ve had like 2 sessions. no d/s yet, just a play partner. still figuring things out. so while i wouldn’t say she’s my partner, but i certainly will prioritize her over someone i haven’t even met yet. so is she the “primary” sub now? or what??

and let’s not forget about the domme shortage. that’s okay to be submissive and monogamous, you’re not morally wrong for “not wanting to share”. i’m talking about poly subs here. let’s just acknowledge the objective reality: there’s more people who want to be submissive than dominant. so if poly subs are willing to “share”, what exactly means they’re the “primary sub”? do i prioritize their needs over others’? and how fair would that be? or are they trying to secure themselves from that potential neglect by being “primary”?

i have described seeing myself in a poly relationship with a fellow switch, but for me “the primary partner” would be someone who i’m in a romantic relationship with and potentially live together. other partners would be my play partners only and i would not expect them to remain exclusive with me. that’s how i see things. the subs i’ve talked to express the desire to be the priority in the d/s setting specifically. which i don’t fully grasp tbh. i genuinely don’t understand what they mean by that and asking didn’t work out well. i’m still clueless.

i know there isn’t a specific question for you to answer. this whole thing is really new to me. i’m just kinda confused and unsure about everything. what are your experiences with this, dear subs and dommes of this subreddit? how do you see “the primary partner” in d/s? maybe my situation isn’t that deep and i’m overthinking. would love any advice or shared experience.

i’m into kink, and while i do think i’m a switch, i lean dominant. when thinking about why i like being the dominant partner, i was like: “i enjoy being in control. i have a specific preference and desires about how things are supposed to be done and i want to be in charge of that”.

and then like… duh exactly the autism symptom.

and while enjoying being in charge and being rigid in your preferences are not mutually exclusive, i feel like i enjoy being in charge specifically because of my rigidity. i never understood the “feeling” of being in control, neither have i been chasing it. my “dom space” is not exactly a thrilling place, i just become more protective of my submissives, especially when we’re at kink events and there’s other people around us.

also, kink is my special interest. i read about it a lot and actively pursue the practical side of things. trying them out in the submissive role, however, is way more complicated for me. i struggle to initiate communication with dominants, protocols are messy, i often get scolded for not being “respectful enough” and end up withdrawing immediately. plus, again, i can’t be sure things would be done my way: it’d be topping from the bottom. submissives are just easier to talk to. they initiate and i genuinely dgaf about whether they call me ma’am or keep low protocol.

i’m also really sad that i don’t see that many autistic folks out there in the kink community. not at my place at least. people there are insanely messy, and while proclaiming they value direct communication, they often actually don’t.

anyways… just sharing my thoughts. would be happy to read about your experience with kink and how your autism affects your role or general experience there.

guess protection abuse trope is just more popular. and i’m sad about it

edited: got downvoted for some reason but okay

not sure which flair to use here, lol

i LOVE denial, but never had someone to deny me or a proper motivation. this month tho, i’m so in! wanted to share my goals and rules and maybe motivate some of you to jump in as well 😇

my goals:

1. regain sensitivity. i’ve been very stressed for the last few months and have been using my vibrator waaaay too often. this clit needs a reset!
2. i really want to learn to orgasm without clitoral stimulation. i did it once a few years ago when i was so horny that my dildo only needed to slide in for me to cum. i want to do it again.

my only rule:
• NO DIRECT CLITORAL STIMULATION
riding a dildo is allowed and encouraged. playing with my nipples is allowed and encouraged. whipping my pussy is mandatory when it’s getting too itchy.

orgasms are allowed and encouraged as long as clit is ignored!

i’ll be able to rub my clit not sooner than 00:00 July 1.

it’s been almost 2 days, and i’m always pretty horny! wish me luck 😌 or give ideas how to get this cunny hungrier

or for the whole class of med students.

big big house where i don’t need to care about my neighbors hearing the screams

a backyard with fence tall enough to bring privacy yet never covering enough to stop being risky. if anyone actually wanted to see — they’d be able to

grass for play. especially puppy play

tying someone to the tree. or maybe hanging her right there. exposed. vulnerable.

foraging in the forest for nettle and rods…

spending weekends far away from the city hustle and fully diving into the play. no distractions.

why do so many dommes jump straight into play? we haven’t even met yet. you barely asked me any meaningful questions. why are you already asking “who do your think this body belongs to?”? not to you obv. what have you done for me to belong to you? okay, i can say what you obviously wanna hear, but how honest would that be? “wdym you’re busy studying? are you at home? then go and stick that butt plug in.” well how about no? “then you’re not the real submissive”. right.

is it ACTUALLY real to wear it 24/7? i genuinely don’t get it. it totally doesn’t align with my holes so i don’t know if it’s possible to piss or shit in it, let alone clear yourself properly. or you have to wear it loose enough to maintain actual proper hygiene, but that’d make masturbation possible too.

but what’s your experience? can you really wear it 24/7 or is it basically just a fantasy?

…it would be way too selfish of me to demand attention to my clit! sure i’ve never come from penetration alone… this lazy pussy better learn, then. or it’ll stay denied.

you might have seen my recent post about buying a fuck machine. gotta say there was a lot of nuance to consider and a ton of thing to discover about my own body.

1. my machine is pretty light and cheap. while it does perform friction perfectly, i can’t adjust the angle precisely and need to always put it on solid surfaces for its suction cups to grip. otherwise it’ll slide away from me lol
2. apparently it forces me to squirt, so i need to position my lower part off the bed, just lie on the floor or buy a good absorbing blanket
3. i experimented with the positions and speeds today. if you lie on your back, take the toy the deepest (so even when it moves back in the friction, the toy stays fully inside), angle the machine not perpendicularly, but a bit up, and then turn it on high speed, your belly will jiggle along with all internal organs. i got kinda scared when i felt my very lungs vibrate, but it didn’t hurt, so i went with the feeling
4. when you actually stop fussing with the blankets under you, the angle, the speed, and just lie down and let it go, you’ll feel what it means to be fucked stupid 😌

now i need a girl to tie up on the floor and let this thing force all the thoughts and juices out of her while i watch Good Omens and use her as a foot stool 😇

kinda nervous. never even got fucked with a strap. lowkey wanna turn it on the minimum speed and let it edge me whole night

upd: i squirmed.

not sure if i’m happy for this little discovery as i’ve never squirted before or resentful of doing it on my bed right on my weighted blanket…

okay, surely this question’s been asked multiple times, but when i look this up, i see people in the comments either say the eating enthusiast just doesn’t like this particular pussy or that the pussy carrier should get tested for STDs

unfortunately i just don’t like the smell of pussy. even my own. i can handle mine since i don’t bury my face in there, but how do i eat my lady? i want to but i can’t be down there too long.

i figured flavored oral lubricants work a bit, but is there anything else i should try?

when i read all those posts about male submissives using their dommes as kink dispensers, i always paid too much attention to the “male” part.

i’m f4f. have been seeing this girl for around 5 months and she initially said she wanted to serve, but wanted to get used to me and build some trust first.

i’ve been doing ALL the labor, from managing communication to planning and running the scene.

recently i tried talking to her about me wanting her to be more proactive and take some of the labor. tried discussing her desire for servitude. and here’s where it got soooo damn obvious.

apparently she didn’t want to initiate, tell me about her desires, give ideas, do planning. she viewed servitude as me using her. well, okay, i’d gladly do that.

well what do you gals think submissives mean when they say “i want you to use me sexually”? i always thought it meant they want me to use them for MY sexual pleasure. but in her mind, it’s always meant me using sexual/genital practices on HER to feel in charge, me being in the giving role strictly. wtf?? who on earth calls it “using sexually”? unless i’m the one being used.

domestic use in her opinion is her being furniture or being told to bring stuff. not cooking, cleaning or doing anything actually beneficial for me.

weird fckng wording but okay. i ask: “so all you’re offering is for me to get mental satisfaction (questionable), but how can you actually benefit me and satisfy me physically, even outside of sex if you’re against touching my genitals?”

“well that’s what i’m talking about. i don’t want to unless we’re close enough and yada yada yada. i know it’s unfair but i don’t want to force myself to do anything i don’t want to.”

🫩

whatever honestly

tw: body dysmorphia

i’m fat. not morbidly obese, but certainly chubby. i’ve wide shoulders and fat thighs. i’ve never felt attractive in my life. i’m perceived as a masc too.

i know lesbians tend to drift away from the conventional beauty standards. i personally find a huge variety of people attractive. but i feel like some ugly terrible exception.

maybe i perceive things this way and it’s not true, but i feel like people don’t want to touch me. i’m a switch and i can never find a domme who’d want to do things to me. women i’ve talked to usually just want me to come over, eat them out and call it a day. no attention to me.

my submissives don’t want to serve me physically either. they set it as a boundary. they say it’s something they’d be willing to do further in a relationship… but then months past, i am the giver 24/7 and they still don’t want to do anything for me.

i feel disgusting. i’m working on myself. i’m working out. i’m hygienic. i have a cool style. people often compliment me for it.

but seems my body is still too gross for anyone to want to touch me. i can only be appreciated as a skillful pair of hands.