The 3 Main ways of Finding a Dom

This is by no means a comprehensive list of all the ways to find a Dom or How to vent a Dom this is a basic list of three of the most common places to find and connect with Dom's that outlines the basic pros and cons of each method i am aware there are more subreddits and kink related dating apps

Reddit

So in no particular order Number one is Reddit there are many sub Reddits dedicated towards finding partners in the bdsm space. The biggest one is probably r/BDSMpersonals obviously looking for a dom on reddit isn't the easiest or greatest but it comes with a few pros and cons

Pro's

• wider range of people

• Anonymity

• Ease of access

Con's

• Quick flings

• Blackmail (i've seen it a lot)

• Ghosting

Fetlife

Fetlife is basically like Reddit, but its all about BDSM. its a social media platform built around kinks and fetishes. but it is a great place to network and learn about kink related events in your area such as munches dungeons and workshops.

Pro's

• local events

• more kink centric

• More for posting/networking then finding a dom

Con's

• Learning curve fetlife is not as easy to use as reddit

• Can be more local if that is concerning or worrying to you

• Still bad actors so you need to be careful of who and what you share

Real Life/Event's

So in at number 3 we have real life events which obviously will come with there own set challenges and benefits if you meet someone at a munch or a dungeon and hit it off they are local to you this obviously brings its own risks and rewards

Pro's

• Networking

• Potential matches are local to your area

• Better chance of vibing with the right person and getting to sense their energy

Con's

• Anyone you meet is probably closer to your house it isn't as easy to block someone

• Social anxiety/Social experiences

• Feeling not skilled enough to be welcomed

• I am the executive producer of my own mood if a vibe doesn't match my aesthetic, it gets cut from the final edit.
• My energy is expensive I don't waste high value charm on low-budget drama.
• I don’t just walk into a room I improve it My presence is an immediate upgrade to the atmosphere
• My boundaries are beautifully non-negotiable I say "No" with a smile and zero explanations.
• I am allowed to be a little bit dramatic about how much I love the direction my life is heading.
• My intuition is completely flawless it whispers the answers and I just smile and enjoy the spoilers.
• I’m not looking for a spotlight when my own natural glow is already illuminating the whole space.
• Today's schedule is packed with making moves, looking cute, and being entirely unforgettable.
• I am my own favorite plot twist.

• I am the executive producer of my own mood if a vibe doesn't match my aesthetic, it gets cut from the final edit.
• My energy is expensive I don't waste high value charm on low-budget drama.
• I don’t just walk into a room I improve it My presence is an immediate upgrade to the atmosphere
• My boundaries are beautifully non-negotiable I say "No" with a smile and zero explanations.
• I am allowed to be a little bit dramatic about how much I love the direction my life is heading.
• My intuition is completely flawless it whispers the answers and I just smile and enjoy the spoilers.
• I’m not looking for a spotlight when my own natural glow is already illuminating the whole space.
• Today's schedule is packed with making moves, looking cute, and being entirely unforgettable.
• I am my own favorite plot twist.

• I start today feeling open to good things.
• I’ve come further than I give myself credit for.
• I allow myself to enjoy the peace I worked hard to build.
• I don’t need to carry old heaviness into this new day.
• I trust myself to create moments that feel warm and genuine.
• I am allowed to laugh, relax, and simply enjoy being here.
• I notice the small things that make life feel softer.
• I no longer need constant reassurance to feel secure.
• I move through today with a lighter heart than before.
• I let myself feel hopeful about what’s ahead.
• I choose presence over overthinking.
• I deserve days that feel calm, happy, and uncomplicated.
• Tonight, I’ll rest knowing I’m building a life that truly fits me.

• I start today feeling open to good things.
• I’ve come further than I give myself credit for.
• I allow myself to enjoy the peace I worked hard to build.
• I don’t need to carry old heaviness into this new day.
• I trust myself to create moments that feel warm and genuine.
• I am allowed to laugh, relax, and simply enjoy being here.
• I notice the small things that make life feel softer.
• I no longer need constant reassurance to feel secure.
• I move through today with a lighter heart than before.
• I let myself feel hopeful about what’s ahead.
• I choose presence over overthinking.
• I deserve days that feel calm, happy, and uncomplicated.
• Tonight, I’ll rest knowing I’m building a life that truly fits me.

• I wake up excited for the little moments waiting for me today.
• I’ve built a life that feels lighter, warmer, and more like my own.
• I smile more easily now, and it feels natural.
• I’m allowed to enjoy where I am without feeling guilty for moving forward.
• I bring good energy into the spaces I enter.
• I’ve learned how to make myself feel safe, cared for, and happy.
• I don’t need everything figured out to enjoy today.
• I can look back with gratitude instead of sadness.
• I deserve softness, laughter, and peaceful mornings.
• I trust myself to create joy in simple ways.
• I like the person I’m becoming more and more each day.
• I let myself have fun without overthinking it.
• I’ve grown into someone stronger and brighter than I expected.
• Today doesn’t have to be perfect to be good.

• I wake up excited for the little moments waiting for me today.
• I’ve built a life that feels lighter, warmer, and more like my own.
• I smile more easily now, and it feels natural.
• I’m allowed to enjoy where I am without feeling guilty for moving forward.
• I bring good energy into the spaces I enter.
• I’ve learned how to make myself feel safe, cared for, and happy.
• I don’t need everything figured out to enjoy today.
• I can look back with gratitude instead of sadness.
• I deserve softness, laughter, and peaceful mornings.
• I trust myself to create joy in simple ways.
• I like the person I’m becoming more and more each day.
• I let myself have fun without overthinking it.
• I’ve grown into someone stronger and brighter than I expected.
• Today doesn’t have to be perfect to be good.

• I notice how much lighter my thoughts have become.
• I don’t need to hold onto old dynamics to value what they taught me.
• I’ve learned how to be gentle with myself in the moments that used to hurt most.
• I trust the person I am when no one else is directing me.
• The life I’m building now feels more stable with every passing day.
• I can still value intimacy and structure without depending on them to feel complete.
• I allow myself to enjoy the present instead of constantly comparing it to the past.
• I am becoming more comfortable in my own company.
• I’ve proven to myself that I can adapt, heal, and continue forward.
• I can remember being deeply cared for while also caring deeply for myself now.
• I don’t need to recreate the past to feel safe or understood.
• I am proud of the emotional balance I’ve worked hard to build.
• I move through today with more confidence than I realize.
• Tonight, I let myself rest without carrying old weight into tomorrow.

good morning/night i hope you are all doing fantastic today to all the subs reading this i hope you are all doing amazing and fantastic, and its completely okay if you aren't. i hope these bring you all joy and happiness if you want to talk or vent my dm's are always open

• I am the main event everyone else is just lucky to have a front-row seat to my day.
• My confidence is loud, but my mystery is louder. I love keeping the world guessing my next move.
• I don’t match vibes I set them, and I let everyone else try to catch up to my frequency.
• My standard is high, my boundaries are pretty, and I never offer a discount on my worth.
• I’m not trying to fit into anyone’s box when I’m clearly built to own the whole venue.
• My intuition has a perfect track record, and right now, it’s telling me today is going to be unforgettable.
• I treat my day like a playground, not a battleground. I’m here to have fun and look good doing it.
• I am allowed to be the distraction. My focus is a treasure, and my presence is a gift.
• I don’t need a lucky charm when my own energy is already a total cheat code.
• I’m completely obsessed with the person I’m becoming.

good morning/night i hope you are all doing fantastic today to all the subs reading this i hope you are all doing amazing and fantastic, and its completely okay if you aren't. i hope these bring you all joy and happiness if you want to talk or vent my dm's are always open

• I am the best view in the room, and I’m completely free to enjoy.
• My vibe is highly addictive I should probably come with a warning label.
• I don’t chase standard expectations I make the world step up its game just to keep my attention.
• My intuition is flirting with my future, and the chemistry is absolutely perfect.
• I treat my goals like a text from a crush I respond with high energy, total confidence, and zero hesitation.
• I am allowed to be both a sweetheart and a total powerhouse. The duality looks great on me.
• My smile is my favorite accessory, and it pairs perfectly with my boundaries.
• I don’t dress up or show up for approval I do it because looking and feeling this good is a blast.
• I am the prize, and I’m currently celebrating the win.

good morning/night i hope you are all doing fantastic today to all the subs reading this i hope you are all doing amazing and fantastic, and its completely okay if you aren't. i hope these bring you all joy and happiness if you want to talk or vent my dm's are always open

• I am the best view in the room, and I’m completely free to enjoy.
• My vibe is highly addictive I should probably come with a warning label.
• I don’t chase standard expectations I make the world step up its game just to keep my attention.
• My intuition is flirting with my future, and the chemistry is absolutely perfect.
• I treat my goals like a text from a crush I respond with high energy, total confidence, and zero hesitation.
• I am allowed to be both a sweetheart and a total powerhouse. The duality looks great on me.
• My smile is my favorite accessory, and it pairs perfectly with my boundaries.
• I don’t dress up or show up for approval I do it because looking and feeling this good is a blast.
• I am the prize, and I’m currently celebrating the win.

·        Gaming

·       Music my taste is mainly rap,house and edm

·        Working out, which I try to do multiple times a week

·        My taste in films includes foreign, comedy and horror

·        Cooking,

·        Reading, especially self help books

·   writing posts

But Dw that’s not all. You'll learn more about me as we chat anyway. if you want to have a look at my profile you will very quickly understand what type of person i am and if we will get along

As for my appearance, I am about 5’8ft with a dad bod style build. I work out frequently and have muscles Short, blonde hair and am usually clean shaven.

I am looking for friendship and an online dynamic, and I really want to build a relationship too, not just sexting as I believe that building a good bond and getting along as friends is a good basis for a healthy soft dynamic. I am single.

As for my taste and kinks, my taste is pretty mild when it comes to actual kinks.I like someone who enjoys being playful and teasing.i absolutely adore clingy subs who are a little😉 possessive but in a sweet and wholesome way. Someone who I can help support and look after, but will still treat with love and respect. Like a normal partner, not a slave. A dynamic that is wholesome not abusive. Where we both put in effort, not just one sided servitude. Where you are doing your best to make sure each other is looked after.

My kinks include things like wardrobe control and body writing which are my favorites. im also happy to help set up rules or goals for you to work towards. But really it is the dynamic itself that excites me more than any kink. The vibe you bring into it, It's hard to put into words but it's all the small and subtle things in a dynamic that really make the difference in my opinion. If you are new to bdsm or still exploring I am more then happy to help guide and take the reins.

So, I think this should give you a pretty good idea of what I am into. If you like what you read, feel free to message me through chat. I know first message can be hard but Dw if you want me to start just let me know ❤️

good morning/night i hope you are all doing fantastic today to all the subs reading this i hope you are all doing amazing and fantastic, and its completely okay if you aren't. i hope these bring you all joy and happiness if you want to talk or vent my dm's are always open

• I don’t need to revisit old feelings just to prove they mattered.
• I’ve become someone who can create their own sense of calm.
• The absence that once felt overwhelming now feels manageable.
• I trust myself to know the difference between memory and longing.
• I no longer need to shrink myself to feel cared for.
• Some parts of me were shaped by love the rest I shaped on my own.
• I can look back without getting stuck there.
• I have learned how to hold myself together on difficult days.
• I am gentler with myself now, and it shows.
• The quiet in my life is no longer something I fear.
• I’ve grown into someone more balanced than I used to be.
• I don’t need someone else’s approval to feel secure in who I am.

So what is sub drop?

Well to first understand we need to know what Subspace is. Subspace is mental state the submissive can enter best described as trance-like, euphoric, or a deeply relaxed mental state experience and is often triggered by the intensity of the play, sensory deprivation, or adrenaline rush. (thanks endorphins) so now that we now what subspace is we can answer the question what is sub drop well sub drop is when your play/scene ends and all the endorphins are gone what once felt trans like and euphoric now can feel painful, shameful even embarrassing

What does Subdrop look like

Sub drop can look and feel different for every sub It can manifest as physical pain depression irritability anxiety and fatigue. how it feels can be highly dependent on the sub this is why trust and communication with your dom is extremely important.

How to counter sub drop

Aftercare is one of the best way to prevent sub drop. Open communication planning and safe words help but often aren’t enough. you can’t always predict that sub drop will happen ahead of time. so knowing how to spot it and addressing it early when it arises are best.

Putting together an aftercare kit for yourself. A lot of people recommend creating one for yourself. things that make you feel better a latte, for if your feeling tired. It helps to provide some of the artificial chemicals to your brain. If you’re feeling a little emotional, think of what makes you feel better when you’re sick (because you kind of are). A warm blanket, a bubble bath, candy, a favorite drink, music, etc. If you are someone who likes to journal, keep a notebook with you to write out how you feel to get the words out and down Most of all, don’t blame yourself.

Sub drop is totally normal and while it can really suck the benefits of kink and subspace and the powerful relationship you can form in the BDSM lifestyle is totally worth it.

good morning/night i hope you are all doing fantastic today to all the subs reading this i hope you are all doing amazing and fantastic, and its completely okay if you aren't. i hope these bring you all joy and happiness if you want to talk or vent my dm's are always open

• Some mornings still feel strange. That’s okay. I still get up.
• I’ve stopped treating healing like a test I can fail.
• The world didn’t end when the dynamic did. It just became quieter for a while.
• I know how to comfort myself now in ways I never used to.
• I don’t panic at my own independence anymore.
• There’s strength in choosing softness for myself, not just for someone else.
• I can miss being cared for and still recognize how well I care for myself now.
• Not every ache needs fixing. Some things simply fade with time and tenderness.
• I am no longer waiting to become whole again. I already am.

good morning/night i hope you are all doing fantastic today to all the subs reading this i hope you are all doing amazing and fantastic, and its completely okay if you aren't. i hope these bring you all joy and happiness if you want to talk or vent my dm's are always open

• Some mornings still feel strange. That’s okay. I still get up.
• I’ve stopped treating healing like a test I can fail.
• The world didn’t end when the dynamic did. It just became quieter for a while.
• I know how to comfort myself now in ways I never used to.
• I don’t panic at my own independence anymore.
• There’s strength in choosing softness for myself, not just for someone else.
• I can miss being cared for and still recognize how well I care for myself now.
• Not every ache needs fixing. Some things simply fade with time and tenderness.
• I am no longer waiting to become whole again. I already am.

good morning/night i hope you are all doing fantastic today to all the subs reading this i hope you are all doing amazing and fantastic, and its completely okay if you aren't. i hope these bring you all joy and happiness if you want to talk or vent my dm's are always open

• I wake up knowing I can handle today as I am.
• I no longer feel lost without someone guiding every step.
• I trust the routines and stability I’ve built for myself.
• I can appreciate the love I experienced without needing to live inside it forever.
• The care I once looked for in someone else now exists in the way I treat myself.
• I am calmer than I used to be, and I notice that growth.
• I allow myself to move forward without guilt.
• I can miss certain moments without wishing away the life I have now.
• I have learned how to soothe myself through difficult feelings.
• I no longer doubt my ability to stand on my own.
• I am creating a version of life that feels safe, steady, and real.

good morning/night i hope you are all doing fantastic today to all the subs reading this i hope you are all doing amazing and fantastic, and its completely okay if you aren't. i hope these bring you all joy and happiness if you want to talk or vent my dm's are always open

• I wake up knowing I can handle today as I am.
• I no longer feel lost without someone guiding every step.
• I trust the routines and stability I’ve built for myself.
• I can appreciate the love I experienced without needing to live inside it forever.
• The care I once looked for in someone else now exists in the way I treat myself.
• I am calmer than I used to be, and I notice that growth.
• I allow myself to move forward without guilt.
• I can miss certain moments without wishing away the life I have now.
• I have learned how to soothe myself through difficult feelings.
• I no longer doubt my ability to stand on my own.
• I am creating a version of life that feels safe, steady, and real.

• I wake up feeling grounded in my own life now.
• I no longer need constant reassurance to know I am cared for.
• The independence I once feared has become something peaceful.
• I trust myself to make choices that protect my well-being.
• I have created stability within myself, one day at a time.
• I can enjoy solitude without feeling abandoned by it.
• I am more than the role I once filled for someone else.
• I carry forward the lessons that helped me grow and release the rest.
• I am allowed to feel proud of how much stronger I’ve become.

• I wake up feeling grounded in my own life now.
• I no longer need constant reassurance to know I am cared for.
• The independence I once feared has become something peaceful.
• I trust myself to make choices that protect my well-being.
• I have created stability within myself, one day at a time.
• I can enjoy solitude without feeling abandoned by it.
• I am more than the role I once filled for someone else.
• I carry forward the lessons that helped me grow and release the rest.
• I am allowed to feel proud of how much stronger I’ve become.