u/Cryptic-Mind

I’ve re-written this three times now. I don't really know who I'm talking to, but maybe putting this out into the void is how I start looking for what I need again.

I’m looking for something specific. When most people talk about dominance, they mean raw power, one person controlling another, making them do what they're told. That has never been what I want. The closest word I have for my style is "soft," but even that doesn't quite capture it.

I grew up in a house where I couldn't read anyone. I couldn't tell what the people around me wanted, couldn't tell when the ground was about to move under me, and most of the time I couldn't get anyone to look at me long enough to find out. Attention in that house went everywhere except where I was.

Because of that, I learned to crave the exact inverse. I want someone in front of me with nothing held back where I can't see it. I want your whole attention on me, simply because I am the one keeping it there.

The Dynamic: "Tell me about your day."

The touching was never the part that mattered most to me; it's the attention, the focus, the unraveling. I want to be your absolute center of gravity.

I want you to talk to you, instruct you, tell you what to watch, what to do. However, You aren't allowed to touch yourself. You have to keep your eyes on me, or what I tell you to look at. You have to keep talking, watch your texts get sloppy because your hands are shaking, trying to finish a completely mundane sentence while I unravel you.

The screen becomes the only thing in your world. You still hand me every ragged breath, and I still reward you for it.

Who I'm Looking For?

I’m looking for someone who craves being the absolute center of someone's attention.

- You want to let go: You carry a lot of composure in your day-to-day life, and you want a safe, quiet space to completely drop it.

- You are expressive: You don't hide your reactions. I need to see and hear you unraveling.

- You crave ownership wrapped in tenderness: When I hold you at the edge until you beg, I might find it a little funny, but the begging is proof to me. It’s proof that you want me more than anything. When I call you a good girl, I mean it as an inseparable mix of deep tenderness and absolute ownership.

I want someone telling me about their day while they come apart, trusting me entirely. I make an equal sacrifice of energy, presence, and desire. You will never have to wonder if I am looking at you. If any of this is familiar to you, or if you read this and felt a sudden, sharp need to be on the receiving end of it, send me a message. Tell me about your day.

I've re-written this three times now. I don't really know who I'm talking to. Maybe that's why this sub feels safer than saying it out loud to someone whose face I'd have to watch.

I found this place looking for a word. I don't think there's one, exactly, but "soft" is the closest I've come. When people talk about dominance, they usually mean power. One person controlling another, making them do what they're told. That was never the thing I wanted from it. What I wanted is harder to explain, and it goes a long way back.

I grew up in a house where I couldn't read anyone. I couldn't tell what the people around me wanted, couldn't tell when the ground was about to move under me, and most of the time I couldn't get anyone to look at me long enough to find out. Attention in that house went everywhere except where I was. So what I wanted, as I grew up was the exact inverse of that. I wanted someone in front of me with nothing held back where I can't see it (it's fucked up, I know), her whole attention on me because I'm the one keeping it there. For a while I actually had that...It started with something so ordinary you'd never guess where it ended up, which is the part that still gets to me.

I don't miss her, but what I miss the most is when she'd get home and I'd sit her down with me and ask about her day. That's all, at first. Tell me about your day. And I'd honestly mean it. I wanted to hear it. But while she talked I'd start. Nothing she'd notice right away. A hand at the back of her neck. My mouth at the spot just under her ear. I miss it so much...I'd feel the exact moment she lost the thread of the sentence she was in, and I'd ask her to keep going. I am good at it..."You were saying". And she'd try, I'd twitch, precum glistening. I was making an equal sacrifice.

I think I was really after the asking itself. She had to stay with me. She had to keep talking to me, keep her eyes on me, keep kissing me, reach for me with words even as she stopped being able to line them up. And there was nothing of me she was allowed to hold onto, so all of that just came toward me and stayed there. Her whole attention, fixed on me, because I'd built the evening so it had nowhere else to point (I really miss the attention, being her center of attention). The touching was never the part that mattered. What I couldn't get enough of was watching her try to stay composed and lose, a little more with every sentence. Every breath she couldn't quite control was something she handed me without deciding to, and I'd reward her for it, such a good little pet.

She knew the rules. She didn't get to touch me. She didn't get to touch herself. All she got to do was keep talking, and keep failing at it, while I held her right at the edge of her own composure, just on this side of it, for as long as I wanted. The longer I kept her there the less of her was left. 'Putty?'. 'Clay?'. I've never landed on a word for it that doesn't sound stupid. A person turning into pure want in front of you, because you decided she would.

I'll be honest about something I'm not proud of. There's a point where she'd start to beg, and some part of me used to find it funny. I don't think I mean it the way it reads. I think what I mean is that the begging was proof, proof that she wanted me more than anything, and the proof made me feel something I don't have a name for. I'd call her good girl and mean it like tenderness and also like ownership and I never managed to separate the two.

What happened after that is ours, and I'm not going to put it here.

I'm writing all of this in the past tense and I've only just noticed. It's been over for some time now. And I think the reason I finally wrote it down is that I want it again. Someone across from me, telling me about their day while they come apart, trusting me. I don't fully know what I'm doing posting this. Maybe saying it out loud is how I start looking for it.

If any of this is familiar to you, I'd like to know I'm not the only one.

I've re-written this three times now. I don't really know who I'm talking to. Maybe that's why this sub feels safer than saying it out loud to someone whose face I'd have to watch.

I found this place looking for a word. I don't think there's one, exactly, but "soft" is the closest I've come. When people talk about dominance, they usually mean power. One person controlling another, making them do what they're told. That was never the thing I wanted from it. What I wanted is harder to explain, and it goes a long way back.

I grew up in a house where I couldn't read anyone. I couldn't tell what the people around me wanted, couldn't tell when the ground was about to move under me, and most of the time I couldn't get anyone to look at me long enough to find out. Attention in that house went everywhere except where I was. So what I wanted, as I grew up was the exact inverse of that. I wanted someone in front of me with nothing held back where I can't see it (it's fucked up, I know), her whole attention on me because I'm the one keeping it there. For a while I actually had that...It started with something so ordinary you'd never guess where it ended up, which is the part that still gets to me.

I don't miss her, but what I miss the most is when she'd get home and I'd sit her down with me and ask about her day. That's all, at first. Tell me about your day. And I'd honestly mean it. I wanted to hear it. But while she talked I'd start. Nothing she'd notice right away. A hand at the back of her neck. My mouth at the spot just under her ear. I miss it so much...I'd feel the exact moment she lost the thread of the sentence she was in, and I'd ask her to keep going. I am good at it..."You were saying". And she'd try, I'd twitch, precum glistening. I was making an equal sacrifice.

I think I was really after the asking itself. She had to stay with me. She had to keep talking to me, keep her eyes on me, keep kissing me, reach for me with words even as she stopped being able to line them up. And there was nothing of me she was allowed to hold onto, so all of that just came toward me and stayed there. Her whole attention, fixed on me, because I'd built the evening so it had nowhere else to point (I really miss the attention, being her center of attention). The touching was never the part that mattered. What I couldn't get enough of was watching her try to stay composed and lose, a little more with every sentence. Every breath she couldn't quite control was something she handed me without deciding to, and I'd reward her for it, such a good little pet.

She knew the rules. She didn't get to touch me. She didn't get to touch herself. All she got to do was keep talking, and keep failing at it, while I held her right at the edge of her own composure, just on this side of it, for as long as I wanted. The longer I kept her there the less of her was left. 'Putty?'. 'Clay?'. I've never landed on a word for it that doesn't sound stupid. A person turning into pure want in front of you, because you decided she would.

I'll be honest about something I'm not proud of. There's a point where she'd start to beg, and some part of me used to find it funny. I don't think I mean it the way it reads. I think what I mean is that the begging was proof, proof that she wanted me more than anything, and the proof made me feel something I don't have a name for. I'd call her good girl and mean it like tenderness and also like ownership and I never managed to separate the two.

What happened after that is ours, and I'm not going to put it here.

I'm writing all of this in the past tense and I've only just noticed. It's been over for some time now. And I think the reason I finally wrote it down is that I want it again. Someone across from me, telling me about their day while they come apart, trusting me. I don't fully know what I'm doing posting this. Maybe saying it out loud is how I start looking for it.

If any of this is familiar to you, I'd like to know I'm not the only one.

I've re-written this three times now. I don't really know who I'm talking to. Maybe that's why this sub feels safer than saying it out loud to someone whose face I'd have to watch.

I found this place looking for a word. I don't think there's one, exactly, but "soft" is the closest I've come. When people talk about dominance, they usually mean power. One person controlling another, making them do what they're told. That was never the thing I wanted from it. What I wanted is harder to explain, and it goes a long way back.

I grew up in a house where I couldn't read anyone. I couldn't tell what the people around me wanted, couldn't tell when the ground was about to move under me, and most of the time I couldn't get anyone to look at me long enough to find out. Attention in that house went everywhere except where I was. So what I wanted, as I grew up was the exact inverse of that. I wanted someone in front of me with nothing held back where I can't see it (it's fucked up, I know), her whole attention on me because I'm the one keeping it there. For a while I actually had that...It started with something so ordinary you'd never guess where it ended up, which is the part that still gets to me.

I don't miss her, but what I miss the most is when she'd get home and I'd sit her down with me and ask about her day. That's all, at first. Tell me about your day. And I'd honestly mean it. I wanted to hear it. But while she talked I'd start. Nothing she'd notice right away. A hand at the back of her neck. My mouth at the spot just under her ear. I miss it so much...I'd feel the exact moment she lost the thread of the sentence she was in, and I'd ask her to keep going. I am good at it..."You were saying". And she'd try, I'd twitch, precum glistening. I was making an equal sacrifice.

I think I was really after the asking itself. She had to stay with me. She had to keep talking to me, keep her eyes on me, keep kissing me, reach for me with words even as she stopped being able to line them up. And there was nothing of me she was allowed to hold onto, so all of that just came toward me and stayed there. Her whole attention, fixed on me, because I'd built the evening so it had nowhere else to point (I really miss the attention, being her center of attention). The touching was never the part that mattered. What I couldn't get enough of was watching her try to stay composed and lose, a little more with every sentence. Every breath she couldn't quite control was something she handed me without deciding to, and I'd reward her for it, such a good little pet.

She knew the rules. She didn't get to touch me. She didn't get to touch herself. All she got to do was keep talking, and keep failing at it, while I held her right at the edge of her own composure, just on this side of it, for as long as I wanted. The longer I kept her there the less of her was left. 'Putty?'. 'Clay?'. I've never landed on a word for it that doesn't sound stupid. A person turning into pure want in front of you, because you decided she would.

I'll be honest about something I'm not proud of. There's a point where she'd start to beg, and some part of me used to find it funny. I don't think I mean it the way it reads. I think what I mean is that the begging was proof, proof that she wanted me more than anything, and the proof made me feel something I don't have a name for. I'd call her good girl and mean it like tenderness and also like ownership and I never managed to separate the two.

What happened after that is ours, and I'm not going to put it here.

I'm writing all of this in the past tense and I've only just noticed. It's been over for some time now. And I think the reason I finally wrote it down is that I want it again. Someone across from me, telling me about their day while they come apart, trusting me. I don't fully know what I'm doing posting this. Maybe saying it out loud is how I start looking for it.

If any of this is familiar to you, I'd like to know I'm not the only one.

I've re-written this three times now. I don't really know who I'm talking to. Maybe that's why this sub feels safer than saying it out loud to someone whose face I'd have to watch.

I found this place looking for a word. I don't think there's one, exactly, but "soft" is the closest I've come. When people talk about dominance, they usually mean power. One person controlling another, making them do what they're told. That was never the thing I wanted from it. What I wanted is harder to explain, and it goes a long way back.

I grew up in a house where I couldn't read anyone. I couldn't tell what the people around me wanted, couldn't tell when the ground was about to move under me, and most of the time I couldn't get anyone to look at me long enough to find out. Attention in that house went everywhere except where I was. So what I wanted, as I grew up was the exact inverse of that. I wanted someone in front of me with nothing held back where I can't see it (it's fucked up, I know), her whole attention on me because I'm the one keeping it there. For a while I actually had that...It started with something so ordinary you'd never guess where it ended up, which is the part that still gets to me.

I don't miss her, but what I miss the most is when she'd get home and I'd sit her down with me and ask about her day. That's all, at first. Tell me about your day. And I'd honestly mean it. I wanted to hear it. But while she talked I'd start. Nothing she'd notice right away. A hand at the back of her neck. My mouth at the spot just under her ear. I miss it so much...I'd feel the exact moment she lost the thread of the sentence she was in, and I'd ask her to keep going. I am good at it..."You were saying". And she'd try, I'd twitch, precum glistening. I was making an equal sacrifice.

I think I was really after the asking itself. She had to stay with me. She had to keep talking to me, keep her eyes on me, keep kissing me, reach for me with words even as she stopped being able to line them up. And there was nothing of me she was allowed to hold onto, so all of that just came toward me and stayed there. Her whole attention, fixed on me, because I'd built the evening so it had nowhere else to point (I really miss the attention, being her center of attention). The touching was never the part that mattered. What I couldn't get enough of was watching her try to stay composed and lose, a little more with every sentence. Every breath she couldn't quite control was something she handed me without deciding to, and I'd reward her for it, such a good little pet.

She knew the rules. She didn't get to touch me. She didn't get to touch herself. All she got to do was keep talking, and keep failing at it, while I held her right at the edge of her own composure, just on this side of it, for as long as I wanted. The longer I kept her there the less of her was left. 'Putty?'. 'Clay?'. I've never landed on a word for it that doesn't sound stupid. A person turning into pure want in front of you, because you decided she would.

I'll be honest about something I'm not proud of. There's a point where she'd start to beg, and some part of me used to find it funny. I don't think I mean it the way it reads. I think what I mean is that the begging was proof, proof that she wanted me more than anything, and the proof made me feel something I don't have a name for. I'd call her good girl and mean it like tenderness and also like ownership and I never managed to separate the two.

What happened after that is ours, and I'm not going to put it here.

I'm writing all of this in the past tense and I've only just noticed. It's been over for some time now. And I think the reason I finally wrote it down is that I want it again. Someone across from me, telling me about their day while they come apart, trusting me. I don't fully know what I'm doing posting this. Maybe saying it out loud is how I start looking for it.

If any of this is familiar to you, I'd like to know I'm not the only one.

I've re-written this three times now. I don't really know who I'm talking to. Maybe that's why this sub feels safer than saying it out loud to someone whose face I'd have to watch.

I found this place looking for a word. I don't think there's one, exactly, but "soft" is the closest I've come. When people talk about dominance, they usually mean power. One person controlling another, making them do what they're told. That was never the thing I wanted from it. What I wanted is harder to explain, and it goes a long way back.

I grew up in a house where I couldn't read anyone. I couldn't tell what the people around me wanted, couldn't tell when the ground was about to move under me, and most of the time I couldn't get anyone to look at me long enough to find out. Attention in that house went everywhere except where I was. So what I wanted, as I grew up was the exact inverse of that. I wanted someone in front of me with nothing held back where I can't see it (it's fucked up, I know), her whole attention on me because I'm the one keeping it there. For a while I actually had that...It started with something so ordinary you'd never guess where it ended up, which is the part that still gets to me.

I don't miss her, but what I miss the most is when she'd get home and I'd sit her down with me and ask about her day. That's all, at first. Tell me about your day. And I'd honestly mean it. I wanted to hear it. But while she talked I'd start. Nothing she'd notice right away. A hand at the back of her neck. My mouth at the spot just under her ear. I miss it so much...I'd feel the exact moment she lost the thread of the sentence she was in, and I'd ask her to keep going. I am good at it..."You were saying". And she'd try, I'd twitch, precum glistening. I was making an equal sacrifice.

I think I was really after the asking itself. She had to stay with me. She had to keep talking to me, keep her eyes on me, keep kissing me, reach for me with words even as she stopped being able to line them up. And there was nothing of me she was allowed to hold onto, so all of that just came toward me and stayed there. Her whole attention, fixed on me, because I'd built the evening so it had nowhere else to point (I really miss the attention, being her center of attention). The touching was never the part that mattered. What I couldn't get enough of was watching her try to stay composed and lose, a little more with every sentence. Every breath she couldn't quite control was something she handed me without deciding to, and I'd reward her for it, such a good little pet.

She knew the rules. She didn't get to touch me. She didn't get to touch herself. All she got to do was keep talking, and keep failing at it, while I held her right at the edge of her own composure, just on this side of it, for as long as I wanted. The longer I kept her there the less of her was left. 'Putty?'. 'Clay?'. I've never landed on a word for it that doesn't sound stupid. A person turning into pure want in front of you, because you decided she would.

I'll be honest about something I'm not proud of. There's a point where she'd start to beg, and some part of me used to find it funny. I don't think I mean it the way it reads. I think what I mean is that the begging was proof, proof that she wanted me more than anything, and the proof made me feel something I don't have a name for. I'd call her good girl and mean it like tenderness and also like ownership and I never managed to separate the two.

What happened after that is ours, and I'm not going to put it here.

I'm writing all of this in the past tense and I've only just noticed. It's been over for some time now. And I think the reason I finally wrote it down is that I want it again. Someone across from me, telling me about their day while they come apart, trusting me. I don't fully know what I'm doing posting this. Maybe saying it out loud is how I start looking for it.

If any of this is familiar to you, I'd like to know I'm not the only one.

I've re-written this three times now. I don't really know who I'm talking to. Maybe that's why this sub feels safer than saying it out loud to someone whose face I'd have to watch.

I found this place looking for a word. I don't think there's one, exactly, but "soft" is the closest I've come. When people talk about dominance, they usually mean power. One person controlling another, making them do what they're told. That was never the thing I wanted from it. What I wanted is harder to explain, and it goes a long way back.

I grew up in a house where I couldn't read anyone. I couldn't tell what the people around me wanted, couldn't tell when the ground was about to move under me, and most of the time I couldn't get anyone to look at me long enough to find out. Attention in that house went everywhere except where I was. So what I wanted, as I grew up was the exact inverse of that. I wanted someone in front of me with nothing held back where I can't see it (it's fucked up, I know), her whole attention on me because I'm the one keeping it there. For a while I actually had that...It started with something so ordinary you'd never guess where it ended up, which is the part that still gets to me.

I don't miss her, but what I miss the most is when she'd get home and I'd sit her down with me and ask about her day. That's all, at first. Tell me about your day. And I'd honestly mean it. I wanted to hear it. But while she talked I'd start. Nothing she'd notice right away. A hand at the back of her neck. My mouth at the spot just under her ear. I miss it so much...I'd feel the exact moment she lost the thread of the sentence she was in, and I'd ask her to keep going. I am good at it..."You were saying". And she'd try, I'd twitch, precum glistening. I was making an equal sacrifice.

I think I was really after the asking itself. She had to stay with me. She had to keep talking to me, keep her eyes on me, keep kissing me, reach for me with words even as she stopped being able to line them up. And there was nothing of me she was allowed to hold onto, so all of that just came toward me and stayed there. Her whole attention, fixed on me, because I'd built the evening so it had nowhere else to point (I really miss the attention, being her center of attention). The touching was never the part that mattered. What I couldn't get enough of was watching her try to stay composed and lose, a little more with every sentence. Every breath she couldn't quite control was something she handed me without deciding to, and I'd reward her for it, such a good little pet.

She knew the rules. She didn't get to touch me. She didn't get to touch herself. All she got to do was keep talking, and keep failing at it, while I held her right at the edge of her own composure, just on this side of it, for as long as I wanted. The longer I kept her there the less of her was left. 'Putty?'. 'Clay?'. I've never landed on a word for it that doesn't sound stupid. A person turning into pure want in front of you, because you decided she would.

I'll be honest about something I'm not proud of. There's a point where she'd start to beg, and some part of me used to find it funny. I don't think I mean it the way it reads. I think what I mean is that the begging was proof, proof that she wanted me more than anything, and the proof made me feel something I don't have a name for. I'd call her good girl and mean it like tenderness and also like ownership and I never managed to separate the two.

What happened after that is ours, and I'm not going to put it here.

I'm writing all of this in the past tense and I've only just noticed. It's been over for some time now. And I think the reason I finally wrote it down is that I want it again. Someone across from me, telling me about their day while they come apart, trusting me. I don't fully know what I'm doing posting this. Maybe saying it out loud is how I start looking for it.

If any of this is familiar to you, I'd like to know I'm not the only one.

I've re-written this three times now. I don't really know who I'm talking to. Maybe that's why this sub feels safer than saying it out loud to someone whose face I'd have to watch.

I found this place looking for a word. I don't think there's one, exactly, but "soft" is the closest I've come. When people talk about dominance, they usually mean power. One person controlling another, making them do what they're told. That was never the thing I wanted from it. What I wanted is harder to explain, and it goes a long way back.

I grew up in a house where I couldn't read anyone. I couldn't tell what the people around me wanted, couldn't tell when the ground was about to move under me, and most of the time I couldn't get anyone to look at me long enough to find out. Attention in that house went everywhere except where I was. So what I wanted, as I grew up was the exact inverse of that. I wanted someone in front of me with nothing held back where I can't see it (it's fucked up, I know), her whole attention on me because I'm the one keeping it there. For a while I actually had that...It started with something so ordinary you'd never guess where it ended up, which is the part that still gets to me.

I don't miss her, but what I miss the most is when she'd get home and I'd sit her down with me and ask about her day. That's all, at first. Tell me about your day. And I'd honestly mean it. I wanted to hear it. But while she talked I'd start. Nothing she'd notice right away. A hand at the back of her neck. My mouth at the spot just under her ear. I miss it so much...I'd feel the exact moment she lost the thread of the sentence she was in, and I'd ask her to keep going. I am good at it..."You were saying". And she'd try, I'd twitch, precum glistening. I was making an equal sacrifice.

I think I was really after the asking itself. She had to stay with me. She had to keep talking to me, keep her eyes on me, keep kissing me, reach for me with words even as she stopped being able to line them up. And there was nothing of me she was allowed to hold onto, so all of that just came toward me and stayed there. Her whole attention, fixed on me, because I'd built the evening so it had nowhere else to point (I really miss the attention, being her center of attention). The touching was never the part that mattered. What I couldn't get enough of was watching her try to stay composed and lose, a little more with every sentence. Every breath she couldn't quite control was something she handed me without deciding to, and I'd reward her for it, such a good little pet.

She knew the rules. She didn't get to touch me. She didn't get to touch herself. All she got to do was keep talking, and keep failing at it, while I held her right at the edge of her own composure, just on this side of it, for as long as I wanted. The longer I kept her there the less of her was left. 'Putty?'. 'Clay?'. I've never landed on a word for it that doesn't sound stupid. A person turning into pure want in front of you, because you decided she would.

I'll be honest about something I'm not proud of. There's a point where she'd start to beg, and some part of me used to find it funny. I don't think I mean it the way it reads. I think what I mean is that the begging was proof, proof that she wanted me more than anything, and the proof made me feel something I don't have a name for. I'd call her good girl and mean it like tenderness and also like ownership and I never managed to separate the two.

What happened after that is ours, and I'm not going to put it here.

I'm writing all of this in the past tense and I've only just noticed. It's been over for some time now. And I think the reason I finally wrote it down is that I want it again. Someone across from me, telling me about their day while they come apart, trusting me. I don't fully know what I'm doing posting this. Maybe saying it out loud is how I start looking for it.

If any of this is familiar to you, I'd like to know I'm not the only one.