A case against age gap relationships, as someone in a happy AGR
m 21F with my partner who is 43M and we are both very happy in our relationship. I was the one who chose to pursue the relationship and we have discussed the problems that arise with age gaps countless of times. He has made it clear that if I ever feel uncomfortable, I can leave and he will understand completely. We have a good relationship.
As much as I love our relationship and I wouldn't trade him for the world, I agree that age gaps should be looked down upon and be considered weird. Our relationship is very unconventional, weird, and could possibly be unintentionally dangerous for me. I would be concerned if my younger brother or sister entered a relationship with someone 20 years older. I would never want AGRs to be normalised because it's important that younger people recognise the risks and dangers that come with them, and listen to their family and friend's concerns. I also think older people need to have a degree of responsibility when entering a relationship with someone younger. Communicate with your partner, or just don't enter the relationship at all
HOWEVER what I dislike is when people infantilse the younger person in an AGR (this usually only happens with women). Yes, adults can be manipulated/abused and young people in a relationship with someone older are at risk, but an adult is completely capable of choosing their partner. I am working towards my degree and I have a decent job and I can drive, I can make my own choices even if those choices hurt me in the long run. And people forget about the young women who are with older men purely for financial reasons. Not to mention the amount of young men who are abusive, it's not just middle aged men.
It's sort of frustrating because a lot of people use this point to encourage middle aged men to date barely legal adults, which I think is gross. I am in support of adult women having agency, not middle aged men purposely going for younger women because they want a hot body.
I support AGRs but I also think they should not be normalised. older people should be responsible and cautious around younger people and younger people should know the risks around age gaps. Does this make sense?