I (26f) am being pimped out so I can pay my rent
I (26f) know it’s not rape per se but it feels like it as, like I don’t want to do it but I’m basically forced by circumstances and my loan shark/pimp to.
Not to give too much about myself away but for background, I come from a family of immigrants, my parents and older brother (34m) are from India, but I was born here (I’m the only one in my family who’s a US citizen as I was born here, while my parents and brother only lived here on a visas), studied at ASU and after graduation, I moved up here to the Bay Area with some friends.
My parents permanently moved back to India in 2022 for their retirement my brother now lives in Dubai, my friends who I moved up here with have moved elsewhere, hence by 2025, I’m the only one remaining here and most of my relatives here in the States either live down in LA or Dallas. That said, I can’t exactly just move in with family.
Anyway, now to how I got here.
Up until early March this year, I did have a government job but was laid off (won’t talk about that), I do have a part-time (now full-time) cleaning and gardening business but it’s not doing too well right now either. Don’t get me wrong, I actually enjoy cleaning, cooking and gardening as it does take my mind off things but still, kinda wish it paid more.
Even when I did have my government job, rent was basically eating up all of my salary anyway, hence I started the cleaning and gardening business so I can have money to at least pay for stuff.
Now fast forward and skipping a whole bunch of unnecessary stuff, at my cleaning business, I got acquainted with this businessman who I’ll call “Jack” (51m) as I do garden work for him. He knew about my situation and did agree to lend me money to pay rent.
However, after a while, as I’m always finding it hard to pay my debts, we came to an arrangement in which he lends me money to cover my rent but instead of me paying him back directly, he for lack of a better word, pimps me out to his “clients” who pay him for the privilege of fucking me. Half the time, Jack would have me drive over to his motel or clubs to fuck there, or he’d give them my address and I’d have to host them at my place.
That said, since about early April, I’ve been seeing guys come over to my place or meet them at the motel, where they’d do things to me their wives wouldn’t let them do (like hitting me with belts and being choked), they’d try things they’ve seen on porn sites by doing it on me, call me racial slurs, slap me, shove objects inside of me (like bottles, my curling iron, and once the barrel of a revolver) and force me to drink alcohol to loosen me up.
Jack assured me that none of his clients have STD and he requires them to provide proof but just to be safe, I do also get tested at Planned Parenthood to continue checking that I’m clean and yes, I am on the pill.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy sex, I love it and I’m happy to be submissive and don’t mind a little degradation but, I’m having trouble trying to explain it but, like, I want to do this on my own terms, and for this to be a job that they don’t even pay me directly, I feel like some kind of prisoner sex slave of my own making. It also gets scary sometimes as they can be really aggressive, my passive and somewhat subservient personality doesn’t help with that and yes the fear that one day, the pill fails or I catch something.
Jack has assured me that I can stop this arrangement at any time but it’d mean it also means he’d stop giving me loans to help pay my rent and groceries.
Now I get that it’s not rape per se as I did agree to this but I also feel forced by circumstances and really forcing myself to whore myself out.
Sometimes when I have one of Jack’s clients in my bed, I feel like a prisoner, helpless and damsel in distress begging for someone to save me from this prison of my own making where I have to whore myself out for rent.
However, at the same time, in a sick sorta way, this more primal part of me enjoys this thing that consciously I’m supposed to detest. Like the feeling of helplessness, being subservient, subjugated and being small is a turn on for me.
So that’s my rant and just wanting to get it off my chest.