I’m ruining my life for porn.
I can’t say im lurker because ive been on Reddit before, deleted my account, yet came back, I always come back. I will always come back.
I started watching porn younger than i should have and i’ve been hooked ever since. Now im in my 30’s and i still can’t get enough, even though it’s drained me of everything. Porn to me doesn’t feel fake, to me porn is real, in fact i think it’s more than real, it’s a living thing that im letting consume me. I love pumping my cock for fake tits and round fat asses, I love being triggered, I love relapsing, I love it when they look in the screen while they’re getting fucked. It’s like they’re looking at me saying “you love this don’t you porn addict?”. And i do, i love this.
I was married once and i lost her because i couldn’t quit. I don’t care at all. All it did was free up more time for me to watch more porn, make captions, and video edits. I truly believe that no woman can make me as happy as porn makes me. I’m not lying when i say i want to be pussyfree for the rest of my life. Just a cuck for porn, watching other women get FUCKED everyday. Seeing them stick long porn dicks down their throats, getting railed in the ass, getting fucked on screen, and staring directly into my soul.
She asked me once “do you even like me?” as a joke,i like her but i was in love with porn. Deeply in love. Not just this is something i do when i get horny, but something i want to dedicate my life to doing forever and ever. Pumping my life away.
It’s even got me fired. The last one i was working at a bowling alley as mechanic. Instead i’d be in the back on Twitter, on Xvideos, or TikTok watching porn. That’s when i knew i was really spiraling. I’d walk around with earphones on just playing the sound of porn. Everyday listening to the plaps of dick smacking up against ass, the gwak gwak gwak of pornstars sucking dick, all the dirty talk, i was so mesmerized that i couldn’t keep up. I got called into the HR office and i already knew what it was about, they saw what i was watching on camera. I was let go that day.
I’ve tried “real” things. Like strip clubs and massage parlors but nothing to me beats gooning. The best day of my life was going to a porn convention where i spent a huge chunk of my savings on meet and greets. But that to me why porn is better. Porn is free, porn doesn’t ask for my money, i can watch so much of it and not spend a dime. It gives to me without asking even though i sometimes don’t mind paying.
I’ve tried to quit. I always relapse. I don’t think i’m going to keep trying anymore. I’m tired of trying to get better. I wanna be a pig that consumes endless amounts of porn. I need it. I want more of it all the time. I can only go maybe a week or two without feeling the violent urge to stroke my dick again and again and i know the longer it’s been the better it feels. I don’t even know if im really trying. I don’t care anymore.
Anyway this new relapse is feeling like it’s going to be really bad. I already created this and a Twitter account and i think imma start making captions and video edits again. I’ve accepted i’m a pig and always will be.