Record sexual encounters using Voice Memo to deal with loneliness
40-something single female here. I’ve been seeing this guy (also 40s) casually for almost a year. We’re not dating, just meeting up for sex. He’s busy with work and a couple of teenage kids… claims to be divorced but I can’t confirm that because I’m bad at research and just not into snooping.
I also work a lot and have my own social outlets and hobbies. We meet up when we have time and when he’s somewhat close to my area from his job site. He responds to multiple locations for his job.
Last year, I suffered a devastating heartbreak over someone else that I’m still processing. I’ve been experiencing deep sadness and loneliness over it. I cry a lot. So, the guy I’m seeing comes into my life, and has been filling that void I have for physical touch and being desired after being rejected by someone else. It’s been really healing in some ways. Also I love giving blow jobs… like just a crazy oral fixation and he has a nice hard dick for me everytime. It’s great.
I decided to record one of our encounters because I wanted to hear him moan and all those kissing and slurping sounds when I play with his dick in my mouth and relive the moment he cums and loses control. At the time, I figured I would listen to it once, just to see what we sounded like, but now it’s like therapy to me. I have several recordings now.
Whenever I feel pain over the other guy, I listen to one of my recordings and it calms me and keeps me from spiraling. Sometimes, I get myself off to it and other times I listen while doing chores just to feel less alone. Lately, I’ve been enjoying the pillow talk or just when we’re shooting the shit.
I feel bad though because he doesn’t know I do this and it’s a violation of privacy. I never say his name or mention any other identifiable details. It sounds like I’m with a random guy and we’re fucking and talking about movies and how work sucks.
We will never be a couple and I’m cool with that and not interested in being in a relationship. But I’m so grateful to him because he’s helped me with my self esteem. We never overstep the arrangement and respect each other’s time and boundaries. The sex is great. It will end at some point.
And if you’re thinking, hey idiot, he’s probably married. I’d say you’re probably right. That’s why I’ve never pressed the issue. It doesn’t matter since it’s not going anywhere.
And I recognize what I’m doing is wrong but it’s saved me so many times. I get to relive the connection and companionship right through my AirPods.