Extreme libido after deciding to crossdress completely
Hello reddit, I am posting from a burner account because, despite this story, I am still in the closet.
I am 27 years old. I was diagnosed with ASD about 3 years ago, but I am completely functional. Last year I suffered from autistic burnout and started medication, which has worked very well. I recovered my motivation for work, my hobbies, and my libido returned.
I have always had a high sex drive. I masturbate every day when I wake up, and I used to have sex 2 to 3 times a week with my partner, and also through apps at least once a week. I always enjoyed and felt aroused by using accessories like jockstraps, but mainly women's lingerie, pantyhose, panties, women's earrings, and painting my nails.
In mid-January, my partner and I broke up, and I decided it was time for a change. I prepared myself and decided to dress completely as a woman for an encounter, and it was exquisite. It was very satisfying. The problem came afterward. Due to the novelty, I had sex every day with men from apps. Santiago is big (8 million) and there are many gay men small, tall, chubby, slim, young, mature, married they all turn me on, they all have their charm.
Even times when I couldn't make plans work (because it happens a lot that people agree to meet and then don't show up), I would put a sweatpants and hoodie over my clothes and go to a local gay sauna, adult cinema, cyber cafe, or playrooms. On every occasion, I have been fucked or I have fucked; I am vers.
I set up a routine of living dressed as a man, normally from 8:00 when I go to work. Then I go to the gym, go out with friends, go shopping, etc. I arrive at my apartment between 17:00 and 20:00 depending on the day. That is the moment I dress as a woman and have encounters in my apartment. I invite a man from an app or local chats, and if that fails, I start messaging friends with benefits that I have made. If the encounter is not satisfying, I also message friends with benefits, depending on how I feel. On the weekend, I dress as a woman from Friday until Sunday. I can paint my fingernails and set the scene better, and I try to organize bigger things: threesomes, longer encounters, etc.
Which brings me to last night. I went to a motel dressed up for the first time, although only the concierge, the Uber driver, and the motel receptionist saw me. It was with a gay couple, a mature man of 55 and a young man of 28. We spent 4 hours having sex. Over time, it turns me on more and more to feel like a whore and dirty. By the end, I had been came inside 4 times in my ass; my miniskirt, pantyhose, and bra were stained with semen. Basically, I was used. Over time I have developed this fetish; I love semen and fluids in general. Also, I only drink occasionally, but yesterday I got drunk.
When it was time to return to my apartment at 1:00, I was still horny. I entered a chat saying how I was: dressed and stained, horny, used and wanting it. Many men messaged me, and I chose one who even wanted to pay me. The Uber took 7 minutes, we went up to the motel, and it was very unsatisfying. He came inside me twice, I did not climax once, and he left.
Since I was still horny, I went back to the chat and arranged to meet a young man with a massive penis (22cm). I have received longer ones, but not this long and thick. I ordered another Uber and felt at the peak of being horny; I even felt like the Uber driver was looking at me with desire. I broke my limits and offered him a blowjob. He told me he was married and did not do those things, but I'm sure he wanted it.
Arriving at my apartment, I met with the young man. We had exquisite sex. It hurt, which had not happened in a long time, but I loved it. It had been a long time since I felt satisfied myself. I even peed and he kept fucking me. I always worry about pleasing the other person, and even if I don't ejaculate during the encounter, I masturbate alone in my apartment afterward. With him, I was left completely drained. I really hope to see him again soon.
Now comes what really worries me. Today I woke up with all my sheets dirty, wet with pee, and stained with lubricant and semen, not to mention my clothes. I do my morning routine. My ass hurts a little. I take a good shower, sit on the toilet, take my phone, and while semen from last night drips from my sore ass, I see myself on Telegram confirming with a crossdressing friend that she would come today at lunchtime to have "lesbian" sex and spend the afternoon. Without thinking, I reply to someone on Grindr that if they want to come, it would have to be around 20:00 because I will be occupied before then, suddenly it hit me, maybe this is a mental issue, I saw the scene from outside, my cum covered clothes on the floor, my sore hole dripping, marks and bruises on my butt and hip, and still wanting to meet with more than one person for sex.
For a while now, I have suspected that I am overdoing it. I think I crossed the line of what is healthy. However, all references always say that what is healthy is whatever makes you happy. Even so, now I worry that this might be manic behavior or something. I went to a sexologist a couple of weeks ago and he told me he saw it as promiscuous, but since I protect myself (PrEP, Doxy-PEP, plus monthly exams), work without issues, and continue doing my other activities, he did not see any problems. But now I think I should move up my appointment with my psychiatrist; perhaps the medications are affecting me.
I am looking for advice, ideas, help, or someone who has a similar libido or has gone through a period like this in their life.
Needless to say, by recounting everything from last night, I ended up with a huge erection and am already impatient for my crossdressing friend to arrive.