20F secret relationship with 49M rich and famous musician
TLDR* I’m 21 and have been in a secret long-distance situationship with a 49-year-old music artist I met through photography. What started as attraction turned into regular calls, emotional intimacy, trips together, and a genuine connection. He’s treated me very respectfully and supportively, and I do really like him, but I’m conflicted because of the age gap, lifestyle difference, secrecy from my family, and the fact that I’m not sure how realistic this is long term. I’m visiting his city soon and I’m worried spending more time together will deepen things emotionally when I still don’t know whether this is something sustainable or just an intense chapter in my life.
I’m 21F and over the last several months I’ve developed an unexpected situationship with a 49M music artist.
I’m a music photographer, and I first met him in November last year when I went to one of his shows to photograph it for my own portfolio. After the show I introduced myself. We immediately clicked, he liked my vibe, I found him attractive, and he invited me back with him afterward. So from the beginning this was never really a professional thing.
We stayed in contact after that, messaging and calling, and then in January he flew me out to Paris. Officially, the version I told my parents was that it was work related, but truthfully the trip was entirely personal. He paid for everything, we stayed in a very high-end hotel together, went on dates around Paris, spent the whole week together, and through him I was introduced to a completely different world than my normal life.
What surprised me most was that despite the age gap and the fame/status imbalance, he was very respectful. He never pressured me physically or emotionally, never made me feel unsafe, and honestly sometimes deferred to me more than I expected.
Since Paris, we’ve stayed consistently in touch. We live in different countries but we usually call once or twice a week and text on and off. Over time things have become more emotionally and romantically intimate. We flirt, he sends me normal selfies/check-ins, compliments me constantly, tells me he’s rooting for me and wants me to do well, etc.
He’s also become increasingly caring/supportive toward me in general. He’s told me before that if I ever need anything, I can let him know, and on a couple occasions he’s sent me money ($600 total). More recently the conversations have started leaning more toward future-oriented territory. Nothing official, but enough that I’ve realised he may be emotionally more invested than I am.
The confusing part is that I genuinely do like him. I think about him almost every day and honestly he’s been very sweet to me. But to me, this also just doesn’t feel very realistic or practical. I mean sure, who wouldn’t be tempted by the idea of moving into a luxurious lifestyle and this completely different world, but at the same time I think about how horrified or disappointed my family would probably feel if I seriously pursued this. I don’t even know what my relationship with my parents and siblings would look like if I actually tried to make this a real long-term thing.
I’m actually visiting his city in a couple of months and I told him this, although I do actually have plans for that week with another friend (my age don’t worry), i’m not against it but I think he thinks that I’m coming to visit him and he might be making plans around that. If I do spend time with him, even though it would be an amazing week because of all the things that I could do that I wouldn’t be able to usually afford. I’m afraid that this will dig me a deeper hole.
I think what I’m trying to ask is:
Is there possibility of this working or is this just a romance for the plot that I should enjoy while it lasts? Do i ever tell my parents the true story?
The only reason I consider that is because they’re not new to age gaps. They’re not one themselves but they told me stories of friends
And if this was your daughter, what would concern you most? What are your thoughts on this entirely?
I’m not looking for “he’s old” comments please. I’m aware of the age gap.