I would love some advice from someone who has been in a similar situation. I have met what I believe is the love of my life, we’ve made plans to get married and i am so in love. But he isn’t interested in BDSM at all.
The sex itself is absolutely amazing and Im always able to cum, but vanilla. Even though I’m sexually satisfied it’s like there’s something else deep in me that absolutely craves to be dominated that won’t go away. Like a slow knocking that’s getting harder to ignore. I’ve been a masochist before I even knew what sex was, it goes deep for me.
The only other relationship i’ve been in was basically a 24/7 D/s dynamic that went on for 2 years where i was able to explore every single facet of BDSM. I enjoyed a lot of it but he always took it too far and ignored safe words so I left. I wasn’t very happy in that relationship but it still satisfied that desire in me and introduced me to a whole world i didn’t know existed.
I’ve expressed my desire a bit with my current partner and he will do things like spank/restrain me but it always feels like he’s just doing it for me. I absolutely crave the feeling of someone getting off to my pain. I crave domination on such a deep level and I dont believe he’s able to understand that it goes beyond wanting to be the bottom in the bedroom. It’s so much more than just a sexual thing or a kink for me. I’ve fantasied about an arrangement where i had someone in my life to give me non sexual spankings to satisfy that but I know he would never understand or allow it.
I wish i could get rid of it, I’m extremely happy 99 percent of the time and I don’t want to give up this amazing love for what feels like something small.
(Note: when we first met we actually had fairly kinky sex and he gave me the impression he wanted to go further with it. However we never did. Otherwise i likely wouldn’t have proceeded since i knew this was something i wanted)