Having this kink is depressing sometimes
I'm dead-set on gaining, but sometimes I still have severe spirals about health and mortality. Being bombarded with weight-shaming content regularly doesn't help, either. I mean, I get it. Extra weight puts stress on your body. Visceral fat is the bigger problem than subcutaneous, but even the latter can still put stress on you mechanically speaking.
I was content with my outlook on this all and living a potentially slightly shorter life for quite a while, but the idea of having a stroke in my 30s or 40s is making me sick to my stomach. I still think the obsession with longevity at all costs is very toxic and gross considering the risk involved in just about everything in life, but I don't wanna have a fucking stroke. I like going on walks and swimming, and eating whole foods, but I'm not willing to live similarly to an athlete. I just wanna be a comfy, stress-free, fat stoner. It feels impossible to have the life I really wanna have and I don't really feel like I'm even asking for much.
How do you guys cope with this? I mean is there even such a thing as a bigger person who's older than 50? I've heard of it, but I'm only 25. If I get big now, I have severe anxiety about not even living past 40. There is constant messaging that fat people of all sizes die in their 40s or 50s. I'd even be fine with making it into my 60s. I don't think I'd live for very long even if I weren't obese.
If there were more concrete numbers and studies on mortality surrounding weight I'd get it a little more, but they're so broad and vague on 'reduced years in lifespan' and it freaks me out.