u/Albaflorezz

I can’t afford to go to rehab, I’m 18 I just turned 18 and I can’t afford it for insurance reasons and also social and other life reasons, I’m diagnosed with poly substance use disorder and I have bipolar and autism, I’m Wally struggling rn I was sober for almost a year from opiates and 2m2b and adderall and I had been cracking /m/b or an opiate for a while, I was going to hit it and all I should have because maybe this is worse but I was scared to od, not scared but if I woke back up I didn’t want to deal with consequences as I’ve had this before but I’ve been drinking every day for the past 4-5 days and my amount has increased each day without realizing it, I do want to stop but every day I’ve even saying I’ll stop and I’ve been through this before I once did this for 2 week’s consecutively I. Opiate withdrawal because I said I was just going to do it to hell while with drawling and it looks like I’m fucking here again idk what to even do atp, I keep doing this like why and I know why and ik what the drugged was recently but idk what to do anymore, I’ve just turned 28 and just have been to rehab multiple times and gone to so many different meetings but I think it’s over ngl, I feel like I should but opiates or /m2b and I hope I don’t make it out of this if you get what I mean, I post on Reddit to get my thoughts out but I feel like this will only get worse and I walk to too many people as sm way too friendly when this is happening

For a while I had been buying 7oh so that I didn’t use opiates and 2m2b as I had a overdose from it a few years ago and was turning blue, I’m still always tempted to buy some but I would buy 7oh with enough money that I wouldn’t have any left for that and id do it impulsively or I knew I would buy it, the withdrawals became exhausting and I still use it but I bought a bottle because I hate drinking and family will be visiting soon so I’m trying to be more sober for a bit, I hate drinking tbh and that bottle will last me a bit lmao so I feel like to an extent this is how I do harm reduction

In my life I’ve only ever really chewed pills or sipped on poppy tea but opiates have always been my doc, once I had gone to the hospital and they gave me morphine and it was alright but not for me. Recently I was urged to go to the hospital by urgent care as I was in a lot of pain and they suspected something serious (it ended up being an overian cyst lmao) they had given me torridol and that didn’t touch on the pain at all, they approved stronger pain meds almost instantly and came over and gave me an iv, I didn’t know what it was at first but I looked on their computer and it said it was hydromorphone. People are really telling the truth when they say once you’ve had it iv nothing feels the same or even as good, they put it in my iv and instantly I felt the muscle exhaustion like I had just ran a marathon and the warmth hit soon after and it was the best feeling I had ever felt in my life I won’t lie. They ended up giving me some every 1-2 hours and I was peaceful for the time it was in my system, whenever I’m in pain now if it’s bad enough I take any opportunity I can to get iv. Honestly I think I literally it a little too much lol but I don’t see myself ever going that route as I haven’t even really been doing pills recently, if for some reason I did start doing that in the future I don’t think I’d ever stop tbh, I only do though when I’m at the hospital lol, I’m surprised tbh thought it wouldn’t be that good as morphine wasn’t as great to me but hydromorphone is amazing when iv’d. They prescribed me oxy as well after and I was irritated which is insane lmao because that’s not bad at all but I was wanting that feeling again