My master putting me in a chastity cage M+M (very long)
I'm gay, and my master (32M Dom) is alot older that me (M19 Sub). And I love puppy play. It's been a kink for the longest time for me. I opened up about it to him and he gladly accepted me. How it came about is I just called him master one day. He's generous for a master (Gentle, loving and always checking in) But lately, he's been getting rougher and more restrictive in what I can consent to.
In turn, last night I slept over and that night, I allowed him to top me.. I always love his gentle kisses and affection. However, this time.. he started to do foreplay and open me up with his thumb. He didnt clip his nails which caused me to bleed and hurt. I tried stopping him and he pushed my hand away. I'm not verbal much in sex, and the overwhelming feeling made me go non-verbal (minor, hidden autism) and he proceeded to get really rough.
Anyways, sorry for the rant, but just trying to give background to this whole anxiety around chastity.
Onto the chastity, I suggested it and I kept asking about it, curious but willing to try. Then, when I left to go home, I had a clear head and anxiety is high around him in general because of the previous mentioned situation. And I've been in contact and messaging him about it. I started to get extremely anxious and panic about having one yet, he kept pressing. I live with my mom and sister and cannot afford to get caught with one. And can't afford to have a panic attack or a meltdown in said chastity because I fear I'll hurt myself trying to get it off. I'm shaking right now because I suddenly hate the idea and I told him about it and he said and I quote 'I know you want to and you have no choice. Also that's your choice not to get caught.' I said previously that I didnt want to get and medical problems with it.
I guess I'm just scared that if I do have anything wrong, my master (keyholder) won't let me take it off if I panic and I can't get help from family or friends because I dont want them knowing. I'm just very scared to go through with it. I get i pressed and asked etc, but I don't want it. I changed my mind. I love to serve but this? This is can't do.. and i far that if I strongly refuse, he'll stop being my master. I like him alot and we have nice sex and passion (up until recently).. I guess I just need advice or people to have my back and get me out of this panicked and anxious state. Sorry for the rant, but the information for the whole picture is needed IMO.. Thanks everyone. Alot.