u/Amazing_Set8472

Basically - fellow ladies - how do you find a friend group that understands? I want like a girl group that's in this horrible sexless marriage club and can actually relate. I'm in the US fyi

I'm realizing now that this is affecting more than just my self esteem and starting to make me distance myself from my long time friends. It genuinely frustrates me hearing about their husbands that look at them, hold their hand, have sex with them and basically just notice them as more than a roommate/friend without benefits. Then on the flip side, I seriously can't talk to them about this. They just don't get it. I'll get the "oh yeah, we haven't since last Saturday because it's been so busy, but we fooled around the other day. I totally feel you." Like, no, no you don't. It's been 6-7 years for me. I could strut through the house in lingerie and not get a second glance or a comment. He'd probably actively avoid me.

I also recently moved a few states away - so my friend group is about a 4.5 hour drive. Frankly, my husband hasn't taken me on a date in years - so I make the trip monthly to see my friends and go out. I also sadly get such a feeling of some sort of human connection when I am with them that I don't get at home. We've been friends for at least 20 years but they just cannot relate and talking about opening marriage, divorce, cheating would be super frowned on - which I totally agreed with until the sex and touch ended years ago.

Plus, girls night is the only thing keeping me from crying all the time. Has anyone had success in finding other friends locally that are in the same boat? Like I almost have no interest in making new friends that just want to share their picture perfect husbands and won't listen to me asking about opening marriages, cheating, divorce, etc. plus all the feelings of rejection, anger, loneliness, confusion, depression and of course all the other things.

I never thought this would be a thing I'd be dealing with at 35. I do love my husband and don't want to divorce. I've made other posts, so I don't want to fill this with all that.

Sorry for the vent. I haven’t even shared this with my friends. I feel so alone.

I’m 35F and I’ve been married for about 4.5 years and have been with my husband for 8 years. We‘ve had sex 5 times. That’s it. Also, this was all before marriage. I was a little concerned then because I have an extremely high drive. I immediately brought it up then and he would just say he was tired etc which made sense because he had a hard manual labor job. When we met, I wasn’t looking for anything serious but he turned into my best friend and we fell in love. I had a rough upbringing and have ALWAYS had commitment issues and would keep everyone at arms length. He’s the first and only person I let in. We’ve always had great communication, we never fight and can talk about anything…except sex.

I was able to have him have blood work done to check levels etc and everything is fine. He did therapy for an unrelated thing for a bit and he was diagnosed with depression/anxiety etc. I‘ve tried to talk to him about this so many times and he just gets mad or once attempted to have pity sex. When I say pity sex - he did a sloppy kiss on the lips, barely touches my back with the loosest grip and just sat there. I couldn’t do it. It felt wrong and like I was pushing myself on him. That was the last time he let me see him naked too…5 years ago.

I go to therapy regularly and talk about it with my therapist. He won’t do couples therapy or talk about sex. I was able to deal with it slightly by getting hobbies and running etc. But we also both work from home - so he is always around and I can’t even get some “me time”. He randomly pops up throughout the day to see what I’m up to or where I am. (I run my own seamstress business so sometimes Im not in my usual work room).

Ive also recently started realizing that I don’t know if I could have sex with him again. He’s rejected me so many times and the pity attempt is burned in my head. I don’t know if I’m physically attracted to him anymore. It keeps growing lately. I don’t know what to do. I think it’s because of 0 intimacy and that it was before we were married was the last time he’s complimented my clothes or hair or just me in general. We also only kiss at bed time and in the morning when getting coffee. Usually on the lips but it’s also awkwardly mechanical.

He really feels like a family member and not a husband/bf/lover. I don’t know what’s happening. I love him so much and genuinely can’t imagine not spending my life with him - but I’m about to burst. When we got married, having an active sex life with my husband was a must on my end.

We also have everything tied together - house, car, etc. This is my family’s property that has been passed down for 4 generations - so I can’t conceive of leaving. We also have a lot of animals. I know this sounds silly but they are our world. I take care of the medical and grooming side (they all have some type of medical issue/we give the FURever home) and he does cleaning etc. side. But they are like our kids. I cant imagine a divorce. But I refuse to spend the rest of my life sexless. I’m too young and I’m losing my best years. I feel so depressed and like I must be the most repulsive person to turn my husband off that much that he won’t even look at me naked or let me see him naked.

side note - I’m short, maintained my weight at 115 lbs, athletic build, shower daily, shave daily (I literally hate feeling hair on me) etc. and do my best to look good every day.