How do you involve your (mostly) vanilla partner?
Okay, so here's the details. I (28f) have been with my partner (40m) for about 10 months now. He's lived with me since almost the start of this, due to a personal situation, and this of course was a bit of a strain on a developing bond. I guess it got a lot of personal crap out on the table early on, such as my fondness for this kink. He's been aware of it for at least six months, if not longer- although I...vehemently denied interest in it for at least the first three of those months. I don't know why, I just couldn't really see myself sharing that sort of thing with him, which really has bothered me because we rather intimately share just about everything else at this point. We have been through a lot, more than most relationships conquer in such little time, and maybe that's why I've suddenly felt the temptation to say "fuck it". I've been more lackadaisical as of late, not hiding the fact that I've recently acquired diapers again (I haven't actually had any in soooo long). Of course he's found them, and we had brief tense conversations about perhaps involving them in some kinky fun, which of course I felt pretty awkward and embarrassed about and kinda dismissed the notion each time it's been mentioned since. I wear in private, which is always arousing, and shame inducing. Anyways, lately he's expressed some anxiety about our intimacy and worries it hasn't been fully satisfying for me. It has, but he's seen my existing interest in this fetish too, and I guess maybe he feels...idk, left out? I don't really know, it's hard to talk about because I know he's totally new to this whole side of sexual fetishes. I've had a hard time imagining him being involved in the way I've fantasized about a partner being involved for the few years I've been aware of my interests in this stuff, (I've never actually engaged with anyone in person). I hate the thought of us getting into this sort of thing and him not keeping it in the bedroom....likely because I am stupidly stubborn and insistently independent in every other aspect of life. I don't want to need his help with anything. I prefer self-sufficiency and fantasize about being teased for the lack thereof (stupid, I know). Anyways, if anyone has any suggestions/advice for how I could just initiate this whole thing, I'd be very grateful for that. At this point, I figured it could either make or break this bond of ours, or just be something we explore and discard. There's no point in trying to hide it, so why not give it a go? If I know how to go about it lol...