I (27f) afraid to initiate sex with my husband even though I fantasize about it
Hi all. I(27f) have been married to my husband, J (34m) for almost 6 years. I love our sex, he’s great in so many ways, but feel like I want to have it more often. Right now it’s sparse. The thing is, I’m too scared to initiate sex when I feel aroused. I just freeze like a deer in headlights let my feelings cool down or please myself while fantasizing about him catching me and fucking me.. even though I really, so badly want to just take him right then and there, some deep rooted fear stops me. I cant even show him how hot i think he is, or how much i long to make love to him. He always initiates and I’m so happy when he does but obviously he wants me to initiate it as well and I fear that I’m not satisfying him enough in that way. I’m unsure why I’m like this. I love sex. I love him. But I’m so unsure of myself. Maybe it’s a deep rooted fear of rejection. That he will say no and I will be hurt. Or a fear of wanting too much. It’s also maybe the fact that no man in history has ever had such power over me. I really need help. I want to be the one to just take action. I want to try new things. Why am I so scared? I also am genuinely concerned that I’m addicted to the man. The thoughts of sex and/or replaying previous encounters with him can and will overtake almost my entire day. & just how insanely turned on I get and how I can get myself off just thinking about it… he genuinely has no idea. I’ve briefly touched on some of this with him but never to the real full extent. I want to do and say and change so many things and just do the absolute most insane, sexy and shocking things to him in all the best ways but I just can’t. :( Advice?