r/sexadvice

Back on Reddit again for advice. My boyfriend offered to let me sit on his face once in the length of our relationship. I got scared and said no because I hadn’t done it before. The topic came up this weekend when we were drunk and I asked if he would give me head if I asked him to. He said yes. Last night while we were getting into sexy time I asked if I could sit on his face. He didn’t answer me and kept on with what he was doing. I asked again and he said “I know what you said” and still didn’t let me. So after months of building up the courage to ask him to eat my pussy, he said no. I asked him afterwards why not and he said the reason was because he was scared it would taste like pee because I’m a squirter. I don’t even squirt that much. He tried to get all science talk with me and explain, but at that point I started to internalize. It hurts me that he doesn’t wanna go down on me. Idk if he would yes in the future but because he told me no, I really don’t wanna embarrass myself asking again or push him into something he doesn’t want to do. I don’t know if it’s a deal breaker but the fact that he won’t makes me self conscious and right now I don’t wanna let him touch me down there anymore. What can I do to… stop squirting? How can I make my squirt not taste like pee? I don’t even know what to do because he can’t prove that I taste like pee because he’s NEVER DONE IT. Help, Reddit.

I (22F) and my friend (22M) want to perform oral sex on each other, but I’ve never given a blowjob, let alone received oral myself. So, I have a few questions: What can I do to make the experience enjoyable, and do I need to prepare myself for something or prepare him?

And how does it feel like, to receive oral? Is there something I have to do or watch out for?

He has performed oral sex on a woman before, so it's nothing new for him. He also knows I've never done it, which isn't a problem for him, but I'm a little worried that I might ruin it or not be able to make it enjoyable. Any advice would be helpful.

I’m (43m) going to my first 4some this evening and I need advice.

I usually cum pretty fast and I’m nervous I won’t perform due to nervousness.

Any advice to beat the first time jitters? I’ve never hooked up with the 3 others.

Ive been talking to this guy lately and I decided to make the first move, but I can’t tell if he’s going or not because he just reacted to my message and from the reaction he seemed nervous. I asked him if he wanted the gift I could give him for his birthday and he replied “only fools refuse gifts” so I don’t think he got what I was hinting at, so I texted “bring protection then 😽” and he reacted to my message with this emoji “🫪” so I’m not sure if I overstepped a boundary or what. This would be my first time and he’s kind of a nerd so I’m thinking it could be his as well. But I seen him in class this morning and we went to the library and he helped me study math and he walked me to my next class without mentioning my text. I hope I didn’t scare him 😭he also said he wanted to go to this restaurant with me later this week before his birthday and I’m not sure if I should bring it up again or how…

I'm 33 years old, and I've never been in a relationship or had sex. The closest I ever got was going on one date with a girl. We kissed a few times, but nothing happened after that.

The problem is that lately this has stopped being just something that makes me sad once in a while and has turned into an obsession. I have a hard time focusing on my job, my daily responsibilities, or enjoying anything because my mind always goes back to the same issue. I feel a mix of frustration and envy when I see that, for most people, having a partner or an active sex life seems like a normal part of life, while for me it has always felt completely out of reach.

Just to be clear, I'm not sitting at home waiting for something to magically happen. I've tried joining social activities, I do my best to stay positive, and I try to meet new people, but for some reason I never manage to make any real progress.

Right now I'm working in the United States (I'm from Argentina) and, in theory, I should be enjoying the experience. Instead, I feel exactly the same. I'd like to meet someone, but between my fear, my constant overthinking, and the fact that flirting in English is much harder for me than in Spanish, I end up doing nothing.

I've even considered hiring an escort, mostly because I want to stop feeling like I'm completely inexperienced. But escorts here are extremely expensive (over $500 an hour), and I'm afraid I'd be so nervous that I wouldn't even be able to get an erection, which would mean wasting the money and feeling even worse afterward. So I can't bring myself to do it.

It feels like a vicious cycle. The more time passes, the more pressure I put on myself, and the more pressure I feel, the less likely it is that anything will work out.

I'm not looking for people to tell me, "It'll happen when you least expect it," because after 33 years, it's honestly very hard for me to believe that. I also don't think that having a girlfriend or having sex would magically solve all my problems. What I do know is that this frustration is draining my energy and is starting to affect my everyday life.

Has anyone here gone through something similar? How did you get out of this obsessive mindset? What actually helped? I'm more interested in hearing from people who have experienced something like this than in getting generic advice.

he’s a bit older than me and so he has more experience and strong opinions on certain things I think, but he really said “buy all the vibrators you want but any penetrative toy hell no.” he says it’s just like cheating and it‘s disrespectful to him because it’s as if I would want a bigger for more pleasure, and he really said “I’m serious I don’t play about this” I want to respect how he feels and do the right thing, and I don’t even necessarily want a dildo, I just wanted to know how he felt about it, he spoke on it before I even asked. im not sure if it’s insecurity or something ? he also said “especially if it’s a bigger dick than mine, I’m serious you can’t have that.”

As the title describes I’m (F19) struggling with getting aroused at all by anything, even by the things I really like. I am a pretty avid masturbator, I masturbate a lot even when i’m not even really horny in the first place, and it hasn’t been an insane issue until I got with my boyfriend.

We’ve been dating for a little over 6 months now long distance and in the beginning our sexual encounters were pretty good in the sense that both of us could finish and were happy.

But now, I can’t even get wet in the first place for anything at all. Not for any porn, or even for my boyfriend. It’s not that I don’t find whatever I’m seeing attractive, it’s just that it never ever affects me. When I say that I never get wet I mean never. It’s really frustrating and embarrassing because he gets aroused so easily and I just can’t. I feel like theres something wrong with me.

The obvious answer would to be to stop masturbating so much, but I have and it still hasn’t worked. I feel like I’m broken and it is putting a small strain on me and him. He would be completely fine if I were to say I never wanted to do anything sexual again, he would never force me, but I want to be able to do these things with him because I like to… but I just can’t.

Any advice is appreciated

This feels so silly to be embarrassed about at 31, but here I am.
I’ve been seeing/hooking up with a guy for a little while, and this is the first time he’s coming over while I’m on my period. I’m not sure if I should mention it before he comes over, wait until he gets here, or just not say anything unless it comes up.
Part of me wants to text him beforehand so there are no expectations. Another part of me thinks I should just say something casually if things start heading in that direction, like, “Just a heads-up, I’m on my period, so tonight might just be about hanging out.”
Am I overthinking this? Guys (and ladies), what would you prefer? Would a quick heads-up be appreciated, or is this really not as big of a deal as I’m making it in my head?

I’m m27 and partner is f27, recently I have bought my partner dildos to experiment with we have started becoming really sexual, any way I got home early from work one day horny asf and I grabbed her dildo and went for a shower and got it in myself and it felt good! How do I ask for her to fuck me with it or peg me?

really love this woman and she is a BBW, I’m so obsessed with her and she likes me and we have been seeing each other for 2 weeks now.
I’m a big guy and I’m kind of athletic I do rugby and judo for many years I’m 6’2 245 pounds but I’m not chubby or whatever if that matters at all.. (sorry I’m just trying to explain all) I feel that she is not into me all the way because she doesn’t have the self confidence and I just can’t tell her that or what I really think for that matter.
I do really like her and I can’t figure out how to express or to explain this, I’m afraid she would be upset or believe I’m just trying to have a good time and nothing more, and couldn’t be more the opposite!! I truly really adore her and only met her recently but I’m afraid to ruin it, I feel she thinks that I’m just having a good time and nothing more.
It’s the opposite!
Any advice? Thank you all , I’m really lost here . (We are 33 and 32 btw)

Hi! I need advice. I’m seeing a new guy, he’s got some red flags but I’m not taking him very seriously and we have a good time. 🤷‍♀️

Before we were intimate he told me he is attracted to a women who smells good& just put on lotion. Nbd that’s pretty regular.

There’s a massive heatwave so I’ve been hyper vigilant about my hygiene. One day I told him “oh sorry I’m probably sweaty”
he said
“You’re good girl. Idc about that. If that happens just get in the shower handle your business before we’re having sex”

Okay yeah 🤷‍♀️

Welp. We had sex and he told me he was gonna buy me lube because “we need enhancers” …okayyy….

I told him I had just gotten out of a long relationship and I was kinda “rusty”. After we had sex he told me
“I can tell you were kinda out of practice” that’s not nice.
Directly after sex he asked me “I’m not gonna wake up burning am I?” Like Are you serious?????

I asked him did I stink, he said no, I asked him what was wrong w my pyssy, he said nothing and he was just asking.
We had sex again and he noticed the perfume in my room & he picked out a kind he liked & asked me to put some on. That seems relatively normal.
I’ve never had complaints before. My coochie just smell like.. coochie. I take probiotics, chlorophyll, I drink lots of water.. the sex is good but is it worth it if he’s going to make me feel insecure?? Do any men/women have similar experiences?? I’m just feeling weird, insecure & want some input. Sorry for rambling.

Update: thank you for confirming my suspicions. He asked me to see him for the 3rd day in a row. I said yes but I’m sore & may not want to have sex tn. He rescheduled! 😂😂 thank you all for helping me dodge this major bullet

My girlfriend(F/24) and I(M/25) have never had any issues when it comes to intimacy but for the past week (give or take a couple of days) we’ve had 0 intimacy which is fine i know she’s not always going to be in the mood all the time i’m not insane lol. But she claims it’s because she’s been feeling low which again is valid but i can’t help but feel that there’s something wrong with me. I guess i just don’t know how to help her through the funk that she’s in and i don’t want to ask her if it’s a me issue again because i don’t want to make it about myself and i also don’t want to seem like i’m nagging her about sex. It’s just making me feel a bit crappy about myself incase it is me that’s the issue. Any advice to help her is greatly appreciated :-)

Hello, not sure where this will go but I feel like this is more common than most people admit.

I lost my virginity at 18 to my hs girlfriend. Dated her and one other girl seriously had a few flings post college. Ended up quitting my job and moving states. Long story short lost touch with my fwb in 2017 after the move. Also last time I had sex.

It is now 2026. I have a good job. Own my own car and home. I’ve tried every dating app I can think of. I’ve tried dating coworkers, I’ve tried going to bars, trivia, workout classes, ran marathons, etc. Simply cannot find anyone. I’m not that old yet, in good shape, not unattractive. But the women just simply don’t seem to be around.

What happened? I certainly didn’t lose my libido. But at this point I feel like a different species. My sexual frustration is at an all time high. I feel so angry that a huge chunk of my life has been wasted. I checked every box and did everything “right” but I’m completely alone. I don’t understand.

I’ve gone to therapy for this. I’ve tried not caring and just doing my own thing but I see so many of my friends having children and I’m just left behind. I know that many marriages are not happy and I also know that children don’t solve dysfunction but I can’t help but wonder if my life is just locked in as single dude that feels forever horny (and more than that) without a companion. Life is getting more lonely as I age and don’t have someone to share myself with.

Is this an economy thing? Is this a product of Trumps America and just the shit online that people spew constantly. Is dating just dead?

Sorry if this came off more as a rant I’m just really stumped.

We have been together since 2008 married 2016. I am always attracted to her in every way regardless of how much weight she gained(which isn't much), she thinks its alot but i dont. I compliment her, give physical touch, kiss, rub feet back scratches, back massages when asked.

I find that I am more sexual then her. While i don't base it as a deal breaker to a relationship, it is an important part of connection. She tells me to just "take it" when I want it. But is it weird I want the emotional connection of kisses and mutual foreplay? It almost reconnects the bond we have, in my eyes. I feel like just "taking it" when I need it leaves a sense of void and I feel like I am disrespecting my wife.

It's something I did when I was younger with strangers in one night stands. I never cared if the girl finished, I was getting mine. With her I always want her to get an orgasm. I feel like I failed if she doesn't have one. And its a turn on to feel her body tense up and her muscle pulsating on my penis.

Any advice from women who are not naturally "horny" or for ladies that just dont take the initiative. Give me some advice on how I can nudge her to grab my junk. Wake me up with my penis in her mouth. Anything so im not the only initiator of sex all the time. Thanks in advance!

hi! - okay so,i just got my period and my bf is coming over during the week. and since we both have a high sex drive we want to do it even on my period. is there anything i should know before?

We have only been seeing each other for few weeks and recently had sex. It went really well, and it was intimate... Lots of kissing, cuddling... then we fooled around in my apartment. Then, we ended up having a second round.

I enjoy giving oral, so I went down on him for a while, and he seemed to enjoy it very much. I stopped before he came. And I asked if I could sit on his face. He said yes, but he seemed a little surprised. I sat on his face but I kept short and gentle. Because I wasn't sure how comfortable he is.

We went on having piv, kisses and cuddles a lot during and after.. overall we had a great time together.

One thing I noticed that he never initiated going down on me. don't want to assume anything. He could have been nervous, or simply taking things slowly. Or don't know..

Shy?

Mutual enthusiasm for giving and receiving oral is important to me, so I would rather have an open conversation than make assumptions.

For those who have been in a similar situation, how have you brought up oral preferences in a relationship without making it feel like criticism or pressure?

Also, I am a bit afraid, if it was too much for him that I sat on his face.

Me (20ftm) and my gf (20f) have been having some sex issues, I like to receive and give equally but she only likes receiving. This has been leaving me sexually frustrated and sometimes feeling unwanted by her.
She says the reason she doesn’t like to give is because she is selfish and just doesn’t get pleasure from it and therefore doesn’t like doing it. She sometimes does it but it feels forced and like she’s just trying to get through the motions, so I make her stop. I don’t want her to do anything she doesn’t want to do. She says she feels bad about this whole situation.
This is her first relationship and I’m the first person she’s had sex with. We have a great relationship other than this and have been together for about 7 months. I don’t think it’s anything about me being trans and I know she does love me, I’m just looking for advice, is this something I’ll just have to live with? Should we talk to a therapist?

In

We've been together for 3,5 years and in a long distance relationship. When we meet about once a month, sometimes more often, we naturally have sex. I have communicated with my partner what my needs for sex are and explained to him how women's bodies work that foreplay and other stimulations are essential for painless and enjoyable sex when we started to be intimate. Usually he did try to meet my needs but recently stopped. Became more spontaneous, to me saying that penetration without preperation will hurt me responded 'it will be fine, you'll loosen up' and when i asked why he doesn't touch me before penetration after a few times it happened he said he hates his hand is all dirty from lube and it gets everywhere. He suggested that i should just masturbate beforehand, which i did a couple of times but it just makes me feel used even when i was in the mood before. The fact of preparing myself alone and being ready only for penetration ruines it for me and makes me feel like a sex doll when he's not even bothered . When we had spontaneous sex and i was spotting a bit of blood he was concerned and apologised, but some time after we had another just like that when it hurt right from the start and i was hissing from pain he stopped for a bit and when i got more used to it, continued. The same day a few hours later wants to have sex the same way again, saying i should still be loose enough. And then it just hurts way more because my vagina was already sore. He just says that it feels loose to him and should be fine. I don't want to deny him sex as i want that as well, but i want pleasure not pain with his comments like my body shouldn't be hurt like that as if i have no idea how my body feels. We used to have good sex before for me, but recently it just becomes more painfull, like if i want to be intimate with him when he's in the mood and can't plan it, i just have to deal with the pain. We're soon moving out to our place together but i can't help but feel afraid i'm just going to be sore and hurt all the time if i want to feel love. How do i even communicate that with him when i already did it at the start, in the meantime asked questions why he doesn't do foreplay for me and even have been expressive with pain and blood spotting? I have no idea what to think about him or if he belittles my pain or just doesn't care. I'm sorry about a post do long, but i just wanted to describe all the situations and how i feel as i have no one to tell about this.

So basically I went on one date with this guy before my boyfriend and it did end up pretty sexual. It was only a one time thing and he's the only one other than my boyfriend, but my bf knows that some stuff went down and is feeling insecure now. How can I help him?