How To Handle Difficult Feelings?
Hello all. My wife and I are both bisexual and I have been together for eight years. When we began dating it was very clear that she enjoyed being much more submissive sexually with men, which is not a problem. I enjoy making her happy, and I enjoy when our sex life involves *some* dom/sub role.
Admittedly, however, I do find it difficult sometimes. I am naturally a bit more submissive sexually, and sometimes prefer to take a less dominant or non dominant role entirely. My wife does not enjoy or have any interest in attempting to reverse the dynamic, and so I do not ask.
She has recently began requesting more intense restraints during sex, however I have a personal history involving restraints in a non sexual capacity that makes me very uncomfortable. I once served in a role that often involved me restraining people against their will. The clicking of handcuffs specifically is a big trigger for me. Forced or even implied forced sex is also an extremely powerful source of discomfort for me based on my experience in my previous career.
This, along with her asking if I would be interested in CNC and similar behavior has me extremely uncomfortable not only sexually but mentally. I have attempted to discuss these years ago, however it seems like I don't have the best way of explaining my emotions, and it comes off as an attack or kink shaming.
Some of her specific fantasies and role playing requests are, of course, from certain "Booktok" romance novels. Specifically Den of Vipers and Haunting Adeline. If you have read these books, or attempted to as I have, you know they are... intese. Far too intense for me. I have never had as visceral of a gut reaction to something fictional in a very long time, and I would consider myself a pretty hard nut to crack.
I love my wife more than anything, and I am more than eager to explore new ways for us to keep our sex life new and exciting, however this is a very hard boundry I have and I trust that she would respect it. Normally I have no issue role playing or taking on assertive or dominant roles, but a break now and again would be nice lol.
I would be interested if anyone has any advice for how to keep my head "in the game" and understand the mentality for the headspace she wants me in. I want to try and keep up with her wants and desires, but am having a hard time breaking past the mental block. Any advice would be appreciated!