r/domspace

New Dom here, I joined this page to gain info regarding the lifestyle. That said, I have a question about collars/chains. I chose a basic but “functional” collar for my sub to wear around the house. As some of you may realize, things can get a little tricky trying to negotiate wearing a collar at work/in public. Personally, I don’t think it should matter (would love to see her coworkers eyes if she sports a collar with the word “pumpkin” inscribed 😉) however we both agreed to keep things low key when outside. We’ve looked at other things and read suggestions on everything from ankle bracelets, to chains etc… We agreed that a chain would be an adequate compromise. Does anyone have experience with the chains offered on “wildnightx.com”? Any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated by both of us.

As the title states, she (TF) wants me (TF) to give her a collar to wear during pride in a month, after just having met a week ago.

While I do want to give her the experience of having a walk in a leash during pride, I am also well aware of what a collar means. I don't want that commitment, and we already had a talk that I don't want that commitment.

I don't really know what to do, or how to navigate this; both in keeping her happy and respecting my own boundaries.

I've thought of

1. Keeping the collar at my place, and bringing it when I see her, kinda making the whole thing temporary.

2. Have her current partner be the one that "buys" and gives the collar to her, while I provide an experience the partner don't want to engage in (I'm having the sub ask their partner before I say yes to this whole thing).

3. Pointing, and really pointing out, that it doesn't mean the usual stuff, and I'm not looking for that commitment.

I think I might do a mix of all three, but I want some input before I call her. It's really the first relationship where I'm the dominating one, so I want to step lightly.

My sub (and long time girlfriend) is looking to go to counseling or therapy specifically to talk about creating new sexual habits. She had a lot happen to her in the past and we are struggling as a couple to have intimacy and it is our only source of friction in our relationship. Nothing could ever make me feel different about her, but it is a daily struggle, and it upsets us both. We both want to seek couples therapy for it, but she specially wants to find a therapist to talk to about it. Does anyone have any recommendations for where to find help like this?

Things like slapping and spanking - what’s the best way to learn how and regulate my amount of force etc?

Also, any recommendations on soothing creams etc to apply afterward?

I, 19f dom, have identified as a lesbian since I was 14. I have only been in relationships (sexual and romantic) with women. I have kissed a few boys and I've always instantly regretted it. Lately, I've come to the realisation that I wouldn't mind having a male sub. In fact, I've dommed men before but only online on websites like emerald chat.

With that being said, it's made me question my sexuality for sure. However, I know for a fact that I would never pursue a romantic or sexual relationship with a man. All this is very confusing.

What does this mean for me?

Hello! I’m new to this space and somewhat novice in kink. My partner has free use kink, and would like me to be forceful about taking what I want from them. They also indicated to me that they don’t like being oversexualized. I really want to give them what I want, but I’m not sure how to structure it so that I don’t cross their boundaries. I could really use some constructive advice.

What are some ideas for punishments and rewards esp ldr

Got a sub who is asking if you can use a clicker to help their panic attacks. Now my experience with clicker training is as good as understanding computers. I could use some help if it can if not id hate to break her heart but sel la vi right

Hello! I am very new to all of this, but recently me and my partner thought of clicker training them, mainly in a non sexual way.

Now I've been trying to look into it more and I've mainly seen people use it like, behaviour→click→reward. Or on the other hand click→behavior→reward.

Again I've seen both be used but the first one more often, and if I'm honest, that one doesn't quite make sense to me? As in of course it's associating the click with the "treat" and makes your sub happy and/or associates good behaviour with the click. For me the second one, where the click is associated with a command just makes more sense as in, it's a quick, "silent" but serious command from what I've seen.

By any means I do not want to argue with anyone, I may be wrong on multiple things, in that case please feel free to correct me, I wanna learn, I just have a hard time understanding this and as long as I don't understand I don't feel comfortable actually doing it, but I would like the best for my partner too.

So if anyone could explain this or give some tips on how to do this, how to get into this it would be greatly appreciated!

My (23F) sub and boyfriend (24M) have been in a relationship for four months, messing around and being sexual for six. In the beginning, we were much more adventurous with our sex life, exploring a lot more on the BDSM side of things. Recently, life has gotten the better of both of us and we haven’t done anything like that much recently. Until tonight.

We have Tuesday date nights, and I wanted to use a curry comb on him again. We were building pretty much all day, but slightly into the foreplay, I got in my own head and had difficulty taking the lead on things. We’ve discussed wanting to add more into our sexual aspects again for a while so i thought tonight would be the perfect night.

When I was about 5 seconds away from the first hit, he absolutely freaked out and had a full blown panic attack. Like, sobbing into the pillow, entire body shaking panic attack. Everything ended right there. He calmed down and we talked it out. He mentioned how recently I’ve been lacking with aftercare even in our vanilla sexual times and it’s been making him feel like i’m losing interest. This lead him to not trust me to do this. He had trusted me before and told me he associated aftercare with me because he never got it with anyone else. And the loss of aftercare, even when I didn’t think it was needed as intensely, had truly put a damper on things.

I feel fucking awful. I never meant to do that, and he understands. I just feel so terrible knowing i’ve lost his trust and made him feel like this. We’ve both been under such stress for the past month, so I didn’t even realize I was dropping the ball until this happened today. Still, I feel horrific that I’ve caused him not to trust me. My heart aches so hard.

My sub is extremely subby even outside of kink play and subspace. Add those into the mix and he becomes fanfic levels of sub. Been with him for a while now and he told me that he has always struggled with these urges, more specifically the rebounds that occur because of it. Going from normal man to full blown extreme sub and vice versa takes a huge toll on him. He's tried to quell it but it always happens. After having introduced him to long term chastity and becoming my slave, those urges only grew. We talked and he said he wanted to try an experiment. He wants to be locked 24/7(exceptions being cleaning and emergencies obviously) for a whole month AND have no orgasms. He would still ejaculate, but we tried this thing a while back where he would make himself not contract/clench his lower muscles during orgasm, which ended up removing all pleasure from it(described it as literally just peeing). In doing all of that, he would stay in light/medium subspace pretty much all the time and not experience sub drops and rebounds. The reason for doing all this is to see if he can live as a sub all the time(he told he feels like he was leaning that way anyway, like less of a man and more of a toy for men and all that) AND still be able function for things like work, chores, errands, in public, etc. AND avoid those rebounds/sub drops. It's been a few days and so far he is able to function albeit not as easily as when he's not in subspace, but just wanted to ask in case there's something i'm missing that could end up being a problem. Also, I refrained from using some words but like to put in to perspective how extremely sub he is, when he relocks he goes into subspace within 15-20 minutes. Almost all his thoughts and feelings(outside of functioning)revolve around me and he describes his level of horniness as fluctuating between medium and high. Also, even outside of kink and subspace he says himself as "it", like less than a man/human, to the point that I even started treating him like that(refrained from using those types of words in case it was triggering but it's important for context)

This is going to come off as a bit of a tiny violin post to start, but I promise there's a discussion to be had here. So to start: I'm an experienced, poly dom with multiple partners. I'm also in a primary relationship with a mostly vanilla life partner who is encouraging and wonderful.

I'm also an extremely cruel sadist, sexually. The opposite of a soft dom. The "I'll waterboard you with my piss and torture you until you break" kind. CNC, fear, violence, that's the space I play in.

To that end, I've done a good job over the years finding partners who match my speed, and it's pretty great, sexually. However there's something I have a hard time reconciling and, maybe I never will: it's hard to feel "wanted" when your primary sexual dynamic is one of violence and fear.

Logically I know that my partners find me attractive, because otherwise I wouldn't have them. But, especially when CNC is involved, it takes a toll on self worth and makes me question my desirability a bit when I really stop and think about it. It starts the intrusive thoughts: "if they enjoy rape play, maybe it's even hotter if you're not attractive to them", etc.

Of course communication is important, but I also don't want to project my own insecurities onto my partners.

So I ask you all: how do you handle the self worth bits? How do you feel desired as a sadist? Any tips and tricks you recommend? Any and all anecdotes are welcome.

My sub and I discovered a couple months ago how much he loves being choked during sex. We’ve been doing light choking almost every session since then. Today I did some research and found out there’s really no safe way to do it — even light choking can cause brain damage over time.

I told him we’re stopping completely, even the light stuff. He’s disappointed because it’s one of his favorite things, but I’m not willing to risk hurting him. I’m looking for safer replacements that give him a similar feeling of control or restriction without the actual danger. Things like a firm hand on his chest, or maybe something else that feels dominant and grounding. I’m 21 and I want to keep him safe while still giving him what he needs.

So i'm a switch and over the past few months i've realized i actually lean quite heavily Dom. I'm also an early-transition trans guy and a stone top. Anything adjacent to dom bottoming makes me incredibly dysphoric, so i won't be including that in what i'm talking about.

While i logically know that people of every life experience can be Doms, and i would never think this about somebody other than myself, i can't help but struggle with the overarching image of the "ideal Dom" that i see around me. Specifically, i feel like what i should be to be a proper Dom is an older, stoic, cisgender man. I've been trying to learn how to dominate and i've been gathering scene ideas and most sources i look to for inspiration tend to have the Dom fit into that ideal. At the same time, everyone i know who is into men who isnt a Dom themselves is really attracted to that ideal, basically above all else. I understand where that fantasy comes from, and people tend to also be open to those who aren't that, but i do feel a bit like a consolation prize to anyone who would play with me. Subs vary in their desires, but this is definitely the most common want as far as i've seen. I'm not trying to shame anyone for their preferences, of course, but it's hard to have no feelings over not being the one preference everyone seems to have.

This whole thought process is also making it a bit harder for me to feel dominant. I've had my best experiences when i was completely confident in myself and none of this was even a consideration in my mind.

How do i handle these feelings? Has anyone else struggled with not fitting that mold? If you've had trouble fitting Dom stereotypes in other ways i'd also love to hear from you.

My girlfriend and i (F25 and M23) are looking for a few ways to enhance and spice up are sex life.

We are no stranger to BDSM but we are still getting use to it. We have used restraints, paddels, clamps and blindfolds but we are looking for some other things to try and i was hoping to get some suggestions or advice on what we can do to make things more interesting or if anyone has any suggestions on different kinks/activities we could try.

Thanks for reading ant thanks for any feedback

So my gf admitted that she likes being a brat. I said that it was fine and that I will punish her when the time comes. Previous days were good, she teased me a little bit and then I made her punish herself as we were on facetime. But yesterday we called like every day but she was very mean from the start of the conversation. I was very patient, I didn’t get upset and I tried to punish her, but she just kept on laughing and being a brat, until she said something that actually hurt me. I stopped responding to everything she was saying, she went to brush her teeth and when she came back, she was acting sweet and stuff but I wasn’t on the mood at all, so we went to sleep. We texted this morning and she said that she didn’t realize she was being mean. I don’t know what to think about all of this tbh. Im very confused. Any advice would help!

In my everyday life I have to be very submissive due to the fact that I’m in a wheelchair and need a lot of help doing day to day activities.

I like to be more dominant in my sexual activity. I haven’t had any real life sexual encounters where I am dominant. I have had virtual experiences where I’m the dom I like to control everything the woman does in an encounter. She doesn’t even have to touch me. I like to tell her what to do control toys and so on. The better time she has the more turned on I get.

My question is how do I find women who are willing to either do virtual or in person sessions who take me serious as a person in a wheelchair? Ideally I would want to be in a relationship with this woman.

Every women I try to get in a relationship with tells me eventually they don’t want to be my “nurse” and run away because they are scared of the wheelchair and every hardship they perceive a relationship with me will have.

Who are willing to

After a really intense >! father/daughter incest !< scene she was sobbing, came so hard on me that her body convulsed for several minutes afterward and she cried, holding my hand while I cooed at her until she came again and gushed everywhere.

Damn it feels good! Being a dom and getting to give her such intense pleasure just makes me feel like such a man. Never been more confident in my life.

God bless BDSM! I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of watching her reach possession level orgasms!

Je me pose souvent la question ces derniers temps. Est-ce que je suis un vrai Dominant ? Ou juste un mec un peu trop sadique qui ne se rend pas compte ?

Dans la vie de tous les jours, je suis quelqu’un de très empathique, sociable et ouvert d’esprit. J’écoute beaucoup, je suis plutôt calme et souriant. Mais dès qu’on passe à l’intime, quelque chose bascule. C’est comme si un autre moi prenait le dessus : je deviens très sadique, possessif et dominateur. Ce contraste me surprend encore moi-même.

En fait, j’ai toujours été comme ça, depuis très jeune. Très tôt j’ai été fortement attiré par les femmes, Ça a commencé avec des films pour adultes, des fantasmes où j’imaginais coucher avec des MILFs. Dès que j’avais une journée de libre, je ne pensais presque qu’à ça. Parfois c’est même fatigant mentalement, cette obsession qui tourne en boucle.

J’adore regarder les filles dans les yeux pendant qu’on baise. Toutes celles avec qui j’ai couché me disent très souvent que je suis l’un de leurs meilleurs plans cul, voire le meilleur. Elles sont presque toujours surprises : j’ai une tête de gentil, et d’un coup elles découvrent ce côté intense.

Dès la première pénétration, j’éjacule souvent très vite. C’est presque systématique. Mais après ça, quelque chose change. Mon pénis devient comme insensible , j’ai commencé à me masturber très jeune 6-7 . Je reste en érection très longtemps, je peux me reprendre facilement, et ça me permet de continuer pendant des heures. Il m’est déjà arrivé des sessions de plus de 5-6 heures sans problème. Vers la fin, je deviens même incapable d’éjaculer à moins d’y aller vraiment fort et intense et m’aider mentalement.

Pendant ces longues sessions, j’aime mordre (seins, intérieur des cuisses, fesses), gifler doucement le visage, tenir fermement, attacher… Je passe du chocolat ou de la chantilly de temps en temps, mais ce n’est qu’un jeu parmi tant d’autres. Ce que j’aime surtout, c’est le contrôle total : la regarder dans les yeux pendant que je la domine, la faire supplier, trembler, pleurer de plaisir.

Tout ça, je le fais toujours dans le consentement total et le respect. On discute des limites avant, et je reste très attentif à elle pendant et après. C’est pour ça que j’ai souvent des plans cul sur le long terme. Elles reviennent, même après plusieurs mois. Parfois ça s’arrête simplement à cause de la distance, sinon beaucoup restent accrochées.

Et à chaque fois, je me retrouve à me demander : est-ce que je suis vraiment comme ça ? Est-ce que je suis un Dominant, ou juste quelqu’un qui a un côté sadique assez prononcé ? Parce que plus ça arrive, plus je prends du plaisir à ce pouvoir et à ces longues sessions où je peux littéralement épuiser une femme et la posséder.

Je ne sais pas trop. Je partage juste ça ici pour voir si d’autres ont vécu la même chose.

Listen I know this is a my steak too juicy my lobster too buttery post but I’m really wanting to discuss avoiding burn out/over extending myself and letting people down gently.

I’m a trans masc Dom and fairly active in the queer kink community my city. I’m also polyamorous and pretty slutty. I’m fairly attractive and covered in tattoos. I have a domestic partner and a couple regular play partners. I go to play parties/orgies fairly regularly.

I’m a bit more rare as a lot (though not always accurate) of trans masc are assumed as subs and/or bottoms. There’s already a bit of a Dom shortage in the first place.

As a result of all this, I’m getting increasingly hit on more and solicitations from subs to play and/or hookup.

How do you manage this? I love the attention and I’m flattered whenever someone deems me as a safe potential partner, but I do not have the time or emotional capacity to entertain everyone. In the past, I’ve leaned into bad tendencies of people pleasing and burnt myself out quickly. I have the sense of wanting to provide and to please (I’m also a service top). I see approaching someone with submission as beautiful and vulnerable and I don’t enjoy letting someone down in this situation.

I’ve also had it happen in the past where I’ve had subs become more emotionally attached than myself. It’s easy for me to separate sex, kink and love into separate categories. I’m getting better at setting these expectations prior but could still use work on it.

Would love to hear from other’s experiences on this.