I'm a Pro Domme. I have a client who is in a relationship where both parties are switches. He wants to learn how to be a sub to her when she takes on a domme role. My other clients have been subs who want to be dominated by me, so does the training differ?
I'm thinking of leashing my sub in public. Ofc, we'd have to hide the leash somehow, so that we don't bother anyone else.
Building on that, I'm trying to figure out places where I could force her to orgasm while leashed and somewhere in public. This would need to be some semi-secluded space, where we won't disturb anyone (nor they us).
The idea came to me while we were in a public, but empty museum. But I'm not sure where this idea would be reasonably executable. Any experience with this?
Hi everyone. I’d like to share my story and perhaps ask for some advice or support.
I was in a 24/7 dynamic with a sub. Our history is complicated. We once separated at my initiative, then later resumed the relationship. She is a very anxious person, quite immature in many ways, with an avoidant attachment style. For the past couple of years, things had been going well. I built structure around her, supported her, and helped her work through her triggers, psychological issues, and past trauma. Perhaps taking on so much of that was not entirely right on my part.
A few months ago, something happened in her life that placed her under a great deal of stress and external pressure. My sub became severely emotionally overwhelmed, spiraled, convinced herself that I no longer needed her, and said that something inside her had broken. And that was it.
There is simply nothing I can do about it, because all of this happened inside her own mind. After so many years, so many attempts to reassure her, and all the care I gave her, she still reacted this way. Naturally, this has been extremely difficult for me. Truly difficult.
Throughout this period, I tried not to put pressure on her. Our dynamic became softer, and without really intending to, I turned into more of a calm, safe space where she could breathe and recover. I became warmer and gentler, and I opened up to her deeply myself. Yet in the end, she still simply ran away. She said that she loved me but could no longer continue because everything had become too painful for her.
I tried to explain that this was a difficult period, that the pressure being placed on her was affecting her, and that we could get through it together. Apparently, that only made her feel even more pressured. Talking did not help. She ran away and even blocked me.
I feel both hurt and humiliated. It is difficult to see this kind of behaviour from someone who trusted you so deeply and once saw you as the centre of her life.
So now I am trying to understand where I went wrong. Did I become too soft at the wrong time? Did I explain too much? Was there something I failed to do? I feel completely drained.
What hurts most is that, under stress, anxiety, and fear, she created an entire narrative in her head in which she was unwanted, undesirable, somehow wrong, and incapable of giving me what I needed. She retreated into the role of a victim, even though I explicitly told her how I felt about her and repeatedly contradicted those assumptions.
Or perhaps there is something I am not seeing, and the real issue is something else entirely. Maybe this is simply what happens with someone who is deeply anxious and avoidant, and there is nothing another person can do to change it.
Have any of you had submissives with anxious or avoidant attachment styles? I would be grateful to hear about your experiences or receive any advice.
My wife and I have been married and living together for about two years. Before that, we were long distance for about a year. When we first started talking, it was very easy for me to initiate play, involve our kinks into our conversation, and be excited about our dynamic. For the past year or two that's been getting increasingly more rare.
My wife and I are both asexual, so apart from cuddling in bed, our dynamic is really the only way to be intimate, so that part of our life has been dry.
My wife sat me down today and said that she really feels like that part of our relationship is completely missing from her life and has been for the past two years. BDSM has always been a big part of her life, much more than it has been for me. She's told me multiple times over the past months in more brief conversations that she wants me to initiate more, and given me ideas for specific things to do, and I always get excited in the moment but then it just doesn't happen. I completely agree with her, but I genuinely can't figure out what's blocking me and why I don't feel any drive to be more active in our dynamic. The thought of domming makes me excited, and I would love to engage more in our dynamic, but ideas and thoughts that used to come naturally just don't happen anymore.
Does anyone have any ideas for what I can do to feel more inspired and to get into the flow of domming again?
Hi, all! I’m in a WLW D/S dynamic with my beautiful wife/sub, and while I have found that she is pretty prominent in her Brat community and has that connection it has been hard for me to find. I don’t really have many people to talk to and can relate to me. While our dynamic is subtle on the outside and, before anything else, she is my wife, dominance has become a large part of who I am. That presence is something I’m pretty passionate about.
Just looking to put myself out there for like minded friends I guess :) thanks for listening
*Edited for contextual grammar :D
Hey all I’d really like some ideas, I will preface this here that I do not want the whole “you guys aren’t compatible and you should see other people” that’s not what I’m asking.
Me and my friend are both subs and since they’re amab and I’m afab wildly far more of a sub than they are usually they take on more a dom role and I want to be able to dom for them as well but since doming takes up a lot of effort it gets hard for me to think of things in the moment. They like being bratty and being used, I always feel mean calling them names or possibly hurting them (we have very good communication and safe words) so I want to come in with ideas first and mentally prepare myself (I do like doming I just don’t know what to do and I get nervous).
When I google names to call them, commands and actions to do they all end up weirdly gendered or romantic. (both of us are non-binary so it feels weird and we’re both on the aromantic spectrum with me being romance repulsed)
I’ve tried biting, hickeys and putting my fingers in their mouth and they liked all of that but I can’t think of anything else to do, I’d just like advice on things that I can test out I don’t want to be told to look for someone else since they’re my friend that I just so happen to have this type of relationship with as well.
I'm a petite woman who often gets called cute, but my personality and sexual preferences are definitely more dominant, and I think I've known that for a long time now.
I don't doubt that you can be dominant despite having those cuter features, in fact, I definitely think the contrast can be even hotter, but I think I sometimes fail to let my dominant side show.
Growing up as a neurodivergent woman made me hyperaware of how cold and intimidating I can come across when I'm not making an effort to appear harmless and polite. Sometimes, that mechanism activates automatically: I find myself smiling and leaning into the cuteness despite knowing that it isn't really who I am or how I feel. I've been called intimidating very often throughout my life, especially when I was younger, so now I feel like a carnivore constantly having to hide its claws. I find myself thinking about it that way quite often.
I'm sure that this is something feminine people struggle with in general, but as someone whose personality leans heavily toward dominance, I find it particularly uncomfortable.
I wanted to share my experience and maybe get some opinions, advice, or feedback.
Ive been reading a bit in here, and I think I want to try start being dominant by making her ask me when she can play or I get to pick out her panties.
But how do I broach the conversation?
I feel like its not very dominant to say "im going to try be more dominant from now on"?
My husband wants me to be dominant in bed but I’ve never been that way. I want to learn how to be more dominant like punishments, ways to handle if he acts out type things, I want to give him what he wants I just don’t know how.
So me (F29) and my sub (M34) are still very new to our dynamic although we have been dating for a couple of years but only recently I started feeling confident enough to experiment more with my dominant side.
I always knew he was very submissive and loves to be used and humiliated and enjoys some pain as well. We have been into pegging since before starting our dynamic and I know he loves how much I enjoy it.
But last time he admitted that sometimes he pushes through pain because of how much he can sense I am into it and that he would take more if thats what I needed. He has never used his safe word and I am worried he would never do it. I know it's totally okay for him to enjoy pain but it made me feel like, more than enjoying the pain he was just enjoying me enjoying the pegging.
Is it weird that I am worried about this? Like I said I am very new to this role. I did talk to him about it and made him promise me that he would tell me if things got too intense but now I worry that he just said it to pacify me..
Any advice? Am I overthinking?
So my sub did something wrong
And now I want to give her some punishment
So give some fun / kinky punishment for her
I(30F) have a new play partner(33M). We’ve played together a couple of times but because of schedules haven’t for a few months now. We stayed in touch and kept talking about what we like and are almost fully aligned.
Even though I’ve dommed in the past I’ve never maintained a scene longer than 2-2.5 hrs.
We’ve decided to meet in a couple weeks for a day long scene. I have plenty of ideas as the list of things we have in common is long but I obviously don’t want to overwhelm him or myself by doing everything all at once.
I’ve focused on roughly 3 smaller scenes to flow one into another but what are some ways to take breaks and ease off but still stay in the scene and keep him mentally there?
Context of kinks: impact, degradation and humiliation. He thrives on the idea of being used in all possible ways.
Any ideas/help/feedback is appreciated!
Hi everyone!
I will be entering a dom/sub with someone who I used to dom in the past.
She was in an open relationship at the time, but a different one than now. I wanted to know how you would usually deal with doming a person in a relationship.
I will preface by saying that yes, I know the easiest thing to do is to ask. My goal in asking here is to bring ideas to the table so that we do not start the discussion from scratch. Having your ideas, examples, past experiences, etc, dealing with this kind of situation would be helpful to give us a head start and ensure we do things respectfully.
So my questions are as follows: what are your usual rules? Are there specific rules while the person is with their nesting partner, if any? Do you enforce behaviours or requests while your sub is with their partner? What kind of limits do you usually have with your sub or what kind of limit does your sub have with you enforcing specific rules while they are with their psrtner?
For me, obviously, while she is with her partner she's not forced to do anything I ask of her, because her priority is her nesting relationship, which is something that we had established the first time around. I only ask her to do things if she can, and wants, while she is with her partner. For example, her partner was not into anal sex, so she was comfortable wearing a plug for me and sending me updates because that did not cross a line with him. One thing she would not do though, and I agreed, is edge herself or do tasks that required denial or a lot of time out of her time with her partner.
Obviously whenever we were physically together, sometimes up to 3 days at a time, rules were off the table. The few hard limit she had, in respect to her partner and social life, was that I could not mark her in a very visible place, I could not be intense to the point were she would have a hard time walking or moving about, and I had to describe what generally i wanted the scenes to be beforehand so she could vet some actions, depending on her schedule the following week (she was a teacher and had a hectic schedule). All were rules i agreed to and felt were common sense.
These will likely be the same rules, but maybe you have other ideas and inspiration for me?
Thank you!
Hey everyone,
I’m trying to figure out if there is an exact term for my style of dominance, and honestly, I also just need to vent a little.
For me, the most exciting part of D/s isn't just physical play or strict rules right away. What I really love is going deep into a sub’s mind first. I like asking a lot of questions, understanding how they tick, learning their fears, desires, insecurities, and thought patterns, then using all of that psychological depth later during play and within the dynamic.
The problem is, it feels incredibly hard to find subs who actually want this. A lot of people seem to expect instant action or surface-level tropes, but they don't want to put in the mental effort, time, or vulnerability that this requires. It gets pretty exhausting to start talking to someone only to realize they just want a script rather than a real psychological connection.
Because of this, I sometimes catch myself doubting if I’m even a Dom. It makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong and if I should just be more literal about it, like relying on classic props, strict protocols, and traditional symbols instead of focusing so much on the mind.
Is there a specific term for this kind of dynamic?
Forr those with a similar style, how do you filter for subs who actually want to put the mental work in without burning yourself out?
I’d really appreciate any insights or shared experiences.
Thanks
Hey all. I had an ex who was into CNC role play. I didn't mind it but I don't think it was totally my thing.
I'm seeing someone new. We have already been intimate. She said she wants to get into a daddy/pleasure D/S dynamic with me. She did this a few years ago with a boyfriend who turned out to be mentally abusive, taking the dom dynamic into all parts of their lives which she didn’t want.
I want to be gentle here. Start slow and see what she likes. We've talked about boundaries, likes/dislikes. She's not into hard pain but does like some spanking, choking, and slapping in moderation. No anal stuff.
I'm a very attentive lover, so I feel pleasure dom works well for me. I love pleasing but also teasing and denial.
Here's a scene I put together. Can I get thoughts, suggestions, changes, etc? I want to set a safe, structured scene for our first time. She wants to be surprised as to not know what to expect. I have no idea what I’m doing, just researching pleasure dom ideas.
Play music in background?
Warm Up
Eye contact, breath work together.
Staring at body and inspection with hands. Talk out loud about what looks good.
Massage body, whisper praises in ear.
Stage 2
Add blindfold. Vaguely narrarate what is happening out loud.
Soft teasing touches all over body, kissing everywhere.
Mouth on nipple play with hands rubbing body.
Flogging
Roll her over. Trace impact area of ass with hands. Then trace with flog so she can feel the material. Let her know she is going to feel something.
Start soft slow rhythmic flogging on ass. Look for responses. Hit meatiest part, not spine or sides.
Increase force gradually while varying force with each hit.
Look for healthy flushing on the skin.
Cool Down
Rub hands on the areas of the skin to decrease any stinging
Temperature Play
Roll over again.
Use ice to trace on chest, thighs, neck, followed by my breath or hand touch to warm them back up.
Add oil to body. Groping and massaging.
Oral
Breath play on inner thighs. Tease the center. Light touches as well. Start giving oral. Hands exploring body. First tongue exploration, then focusing more on the center.
If she is about to cum, back off and switch to light touches on body.
Resume oral. Repeat this cycle a few times. Allow her to orgasm.
Sex
Blindfold comes off, deep and intense staring. Verbal praise. Light no-pressure choking, nipple play, and face slapping.
Yada yada yada
After Care
Offer water, blanket, hold them
Hello all, a list of questions for the Daddy’s here as well as the dominants generally.
How often do you read to your partner?
How effective is it?
Is it part of a night time routine?
Is it a reward?
What are you reading to your partner now?
What’s the main purpose of why you read to your partner?
I loved reading to my Princess but due to time and life getting in the way, it doesn’t happen as often as id like.
I want a little inspiration from those that do and how meaningful it is, before I suggest and look at implementing it into our routines more consistently.
Thank you 👍🏼 📚
I'm looking for some advice from people who have considerably more experience with structured D/s dynamics than I do.
I'm a guy in my late 20s. I have plenty of conventional sexual experience, but very little formal background in kink or BDSM. The dynamic I have with my current partner (early 20s F, seeing each other ~2 months) developed completely organically simply because I'm naturally directive/dominant and she is naturally very submissive.
On her own she has a high stress life/job, and seems to immediately calm down around me. Happily surrenders 100% of logistical control. I noticed this from the 1st date when she couldn't decide what to order and I picked for her on the spot after ~60 seconds of silence.
She has since told me explicitly she likes when I make pretty much every decision & don't even give her a choice.
Obviously, I keep an eye on her intuitively to ensure that she continually prefers that dynamic over time and try to read if there is a preference she has that she's not expressing.
I noticed on our first several hookups that she unusually enjoyed being pinned down/overpowered/light hair pulling/breath play/spanking/visible marks.
She clearly enjoys putting up a token physical struggle/play-fighting. She also used to playfully say 'stop', but was very ambiguous about it, complaining when I actually stopped, so I gave her a clear directive on a safe word which she's not yet used.
We also have a running flirty dynamic of 'behavioral intervention'/'corrective measure' or being my prisoner. Most recently she sent an attitude over text and I responded with her needing correction and she basically said to make it stricter this time since the last few times haven't worked well enough.
Clearly, something I am doing is working right now but I don't really know what or why. I have a few questions:
>Any tips on what I state above or corrections/things I should do differently? Are there any mistakes or pitfalls I should be aware of?
>She clearly requested something 'stricter'. I already leave light marks, light breath play, spanking, & light restraints. What is the best next step? I don't want to actually hurt her but I'm open to just about anything, I'm really digging this dynamic we have so far.
>What are the best entry-level tools/methods for restraints to elevate this without going full dungeon? So far literally just restrained her with a random scarf. We both definitely want to elevate this.
>Any additional tips/techniques or tools that you think either of us would enjoy are welcome. Right now I've been managing with pretty much only a bed.
>My goal is to create an environment where she feels completely protected and can turn her brain off if she wants (You're with me, don't worry about figuring anything out, I got it). I am open to any tips on that kind of soothing/caring/grounding without making any common mistakes.
>How do you actually balance praise/discipline in this kind of dynamic?
Feel free to add anything else you think I'm missing. My ultimate goal is a heightened experience for her which in turn would be a heightened experience for me.
My sub is very interested in shibari and being tied/restrained in general - I’m just wary about starting with rope right off the bat. I’ve seen scarves suggested as beginner friendly and non painful options, are there any other suggestions you all have?
ETA we are both complete beginners to restraint and I’m very aware that this is something that could cause pain and danger so I’m trying to make sure we move slowly and safely.
Hello all. My wife and I are both bisexual and I have been together for eight years. When we began dating it was very clear that she enjoyed being much more submissive sexually with men, which is not a problem. I enjoy making her happy, and I enjoy when our sex life involves *some* dom/sub role.
Admittedly, however, I do find it difficult sometimes. I am naturally a bit more submissive sexually, and sometimes prefer to take a less dominant or non dominant role entirely. My wife does not enjoy or have any interest in attempting to reverse the dynamic, and so I do not ask.
She has recently began requesting more intense restraints during sex, however I have a personal history involving restraints in a non sexual capacity that makes me very uncomfortable. I once served in a role that often involved me restraining people against their will. The clicking of handcuffs specifically is a big trigger for me. Forced or even implied forced sex is also an extremely powerful source of discomfort for me based on my experience in my previous career.
This, along with her asking if I would be interested in CNC and similar behavior has me extremely uncomfortable not only sexually but mentally. I have attempted to discuss these years ago, however it seems like I don't have the best way of explaining my emotions, and it comes off as an attack or kink shaming.
Some of her specific fantasies and role playing requests are, of course, from certain "Booktok" romance novels. Specifically Den of Vipers and Haunting Adeline. If you have read these books, or attempted to as I have, you know they are... intese. Far too intense for me. I have never had as visceral of a gut reaction to something fictional in a very long time, and I would consider myself a pretty hard nut to crack.
I love my wife more than anything, and I am more than eager to explore new ways for us to keep our sex life new and exciting, however this is a very hard boundry I have and I trust that she would respect it. Normally I have no issue role playing or taking on assertive or dominant roles, but a break now and again would be nice lol.
I would be interested if anyone has any advice for how to keep my head "in the game" and understand the mentality for the headspace she wants me in. I want to try and keep up with her wants and desires, but am having a hard time breaking past the mental block. Any advice would be appreciated!
Hi my partner asked me about this and I have no idea we’re to begin besides Google and it isn’t a big help. Tia!