So I have a bit of a moral and ethical dilemma and am hoping this could be a good place to get some advice.
For some background, I am around 40 years old and have been single for a few years after a tough breakup that kinda took my interest in dating away completely. I've never been married and have never really been interested in traditional relationships in general. I am generally very kinky but think of myself as a "soft dom" and tend to really enjoy the more cerebral aspects of power exchange rather than whips and flogs, etc. I have been in several dom/sub or dd/lg relationships, both with women around my age or younger, and one with an older woman. I've never really been interested in "age play", per se, and find the more extreme end of it to be a big turn off actually (extremely childish behaviors, diapers, cribs, that kind of thing). But to each their own. No kink shaming, etc.
That being said, I have been in a couple fairly significant age-gap relationships, the most extreme of which was with a 23 year old when I was 35. We met at work (I was not in a position of authority over her, to be clear) and things kind of just developed naturally and slowly. I generally don't care about age that much but do enjoy that younger women often seem to have more zest for life and are just more joyful and energetic. They have a curiosity and open-mindedness about the world that I find very endearing. In part because these are traits I've tried to preserve in myself as I've gotten older.
Anyway, I've been trying to get back into dating recently and downloaded a few different apps. Again, I am obviously not against age gaps as a rule but keep the minimum age for searching and swiping at 25 because I feel like it takes most people around that long to mature in some of the more meaningful ways and acquire a decent amount of life experience.
On Facebook dating, however, you can see whenever someone likes your profile, and they can even leave comments on your pictures as well. Even from profiles you wouldn't necessarily see otherwise. And a couple weeks back I got a like and a message from an extremely attractive 18 year old girl. At first I thought for sure I was being catfished or that she was a bot or scammer or something. Like, I'm in pretty good shape and take care of myself in general, and I've often been told I look young for my age. I think I'm also relatively charming, laid back and have a good sense of humor. But like, come on. This did not feel like it could be possible. Anyway, I said something along those lines to her (it felt like when one of those obviously fake instagram accounts follows you and sends you a message that ultimately leads to their OnlyFans or whatever). She vehemently denied this and explained that she is exclusively interested in much older men and offered several ways of confirming her identity. She seemed very confident and sure of herself and said she just wanted to get to know me, but that she was looking for an alternative kind of relationship.
Maybe I should have ignored her messages entirely, but to be honest, I've been a little lonely and this beautiful young woman expressing interest in me felt amazing. So I matched with and started chatting with her. I'm not going to get into details but I have confirmed that she is real, and that her age is accurate. We've been talking regularly and she has told me in detail about her desires and how I seemingly fit all of them to a T. And to be honest, she is essentially perfect for me as well. She has clear daddy issues, which she is aware of, but is also clear in that she has no interest in guys her own age or even close to it. She is very kinky and craves a deep level of submission with an older man who basically has all the traits I possess. She is an articulate and thoughtful young woman who is very capable and strong-willed in day to day life, and wants a relationship where she can relax, essentially, and not have to think much or make hard decisions. She wants a "daddy" who is protective but sweet and kind to her and who will take control in general.
But she has also never had a boyfriend of any kind. She is a virgin and hasn't even had her first kiss (she says she wants to give herself to the right person and is going to wait until she finds him). She also still lives at home with her mother for the next few months (a couple hours drive away from where I live) until she starts going to college in the fall. So it's hard to see how much could happen between us anyway, at least in the near term, but she is looking for something devoted and long term and doesn't have a problem being patient building a connection.
In any case, I feel EXTREMELY conflicted about the whole thing. I know I'm not doing anything illegal here, but I try and live a fairly moral existence in general and this is obviously in a big time grey area. We've only texted so far and talked on the phone a couple times but I really don't know if I can or should take things further. She wants us to meet up soon just for a coffee or something along those lines but a big part of what she wants eventually is a more experienced older man to take her virginity. Am I being a creep or a weirdo by even considering this? On the one hand I feel like she's so inexperienced that I might be taking advantage of her, but I'm also not manipulating her or in a position of power over her and we've had conversations about the importance of consent and comfort, etc. when it comes to her first time. Regardless of who it's with. And like, while still young obviously, is she not old enough to make these decisions for herself? She's going to have her first time with someone, so why not with someone like me who will treat her well and not force anything/make sure she's comfortable, etc? Is it crazy to think I could have essentially my dream dynamic with a gorgeous, sweet and interesting young woman who is really into me and wants to be together for the long haul? We've both laid out what we're looking for and it seems to align pretty much perfectly, but so far we've agreed just to go with the flow, get to know each other, and see what happens.
Anyway, sorry for the novel, but if anyone actually reads this whole thing and has constructive advice to give, or a similar experience, I'd really appreciate it. Again, I'm extremely conflicted. On the one hand I feel like the luckiest man in the world living out some kind of fantasy. On the other I'm afraid I'm doing something terrible and exploitive. And I know that many people in my life would strongly disapprove if I continue to pursue this and we enter into a formal and public relationship.