Accepting the Desire Without Knowing What to Do With It
I didn’t choose for this capacity to be here. I didn’t ask for it. But I’m tired of lying to myself about the fact that it exists. I’m married to a woman I love, and I’ve been honest with her. I’m not looking for another man to replace her, lead me, or recreate what I have with my wife. I don’t even know that I want a conventional ‘boyfriend.’ I’m trying to understand what to do with a desire I spent a long time wishing I didn’t have.
My wife and I have talked about morality, our marriage, whether this could conflict with our faith, and even whether she should want someone else simply because I have this capacity—which I don’t think she should if that isn’t genuinely her desire.
I’m not asking anyone to label me or tell me to immediately open my marriage. I’d really like to hear from married men who have experienced something similar: How did you make peace with the desire itself before deciding whether to ever act on it? How did you distinguish accepting yourself from deciding what behavior was right for you?