r/MarriedAndBi

I’ve been married to my wife for 20 years as of July and we’ve been together for 27 years. I’m 49 and she’s 47. I’ve always known I was bi and had opportunities to hook up with guys in college but then we met and fell in love. I still love my wife a lot but she’s in perimenopause and our sex life has come to a screeching halt. My wife is still a smokeshow and people think she’s much younger. However, we are barely having sex once or twice a month and it’s pretty vanilla, no pegging, no BJs, no anal, only missionary. I’m a good husband and a good father and we are happy but hearing about all of these bi guys and gay dudes cruising and hooking up so easily keeps me questioning how much longer I can continue being monogamous. She knows I’m bi and she knows I’m highly sexual and we have deep conversations about how the lack of sex isn’t working for me and soon after we have these talks, the sex picks up for a bit. However, it often feels like she’s just not into it and is sorta spreading her legs not out of desire but because she sorta feels obligated. Anyway, I don’t want to cheat and I’ve never cheated but I also need sex. As the lack of sex has increased, my desire to be with men goes off the charts. Normally, I swing much more towards women and I still find women very attractive but for some reason, I have no desire to be with any woman other than my wife yet in terms of men, the thought of random hookups keeps getting more and more appealing. I’m sure there are a lot of guys on here in similar boats.

Hi! I (37m) have been married to my wife (41f) for 10 years and together 5 before that. I guess somewhere I always knew I was bi but never expressed it. Until about 5 years ago. I officially told her and we began exploring the idea of bringing others into our bed. Even spent a little time swapping with another couple, but it was always hetero play. All fine and fun but never scratched that bi itch.

Recently, I was invited to join a couple for bi play. Wife and I talked through it, she gave me the greenlight. I jumped at the chance. It was great. We discussed it the next day, everything seemed fine. That was 3 months ago. Now, they invited me again. Talked to the wife again. She said sure, but I can tell she's not particularly enthused. She knows that if she says no I won't go and I've assured her there would be no resentment. Our marriage is first and I don't want her to feel like I'd put a little fun above what we have. However, she's an adult and I feel like if she truly wants me to not go, she should say it.

Maybe this belongs more in a poly sub, idk. My motivation for wanting to go is the bi experience. I've tried suggesting we bring another guy into our own bed instead but that conversation always seems to dead end. Am I overthinking it by feeling like I'm being a bad partner if I accept the new invitation? Help?

I put a post on another group the other day asking advice from people about my recent feeling that I might be bi. Having a chat with someone they have told me it’s best to come out to my gf. It’s just hard because I don’t know what to say to her

I didn’t choose for this capacity to be here. I didn’t ask for it. But I’m tired of lying to myself about the fact that it exists. I’m married to a woman I love, and I’ve been honest with her. I’m not looking for another man to replace her, lead me, or recreate what I have with my wife. I don’t even know that I want a conventional ‘boyfriend.’ I’m trying to understand what to do with a desire I spent a long time wishing I didn’t have.

My wife and I have talked about morality, our marriage, whether this could conflict with our faith, and even whether she should want someone else simply because I have this capacity—which I don’t think she should if that isn’t genuinely her desire.

I’m not asking anyone to label me or tell me to immediately open my marriage. I’d really like to hear from married men who have experienced something similar: How did you make peace with the desire itself before deciding whether to ever act on it? How did you distinguish accepting yourself from deciding what behavior was right for you?

SORRY MODS IF THIS IS TOO MUCH! Trying my best here.

I’ve used a dildo infrequently until recently when I came out to my wife. Even now it’s usually just once or twice a month. My wife is super supportive but also doesn’t get any pleasure out of participating with it. She gets turned on watching but doesn’t want to be the “giver”. Pegging is definitely off the table. I had to get a new dildo a few months ago but ended up getting a cheap one from Spencer’s and it works great but I also know it’s probably not the safest. I’ve wanted to get a new one but really get overwhelmed by all the options. I want something that’s average sized and realistic but won’t break the bank. I’ve also wondered about a double sided dildo. Seems like it could give us both something out of it but I’ve got my doubts about ease of use and if both partners can get what they need.

Can I get some recommendations on dildos and some feedback on the double sided dildo wonderings.

I know this may not seem like a big deal to some, but I recently met a guy that’s like me and it’s made me feel so much less alone in my journey to accept myself and my orientation.

I (M38) came out to my wife (F38) several years ago, and she’s been absolutely great about it, and also has encouraged me to explore my orientation by getting to know other people in the LGBTQ+ community. I am a late bloomer coming out, had a very repressive religious childhood, and ended up working through things in therapy that helped me to understand myself better. I’ve been very proactive on doing the work in therapy to heal and to grow as a person. Everything’s been good, except I’ve often felt quite alone in my journey. I haven’t really been able to find anyone else in person that has a similar story.

Recently, I was able to meet a guy who just happened to have a very similar experience. He’s also married, came out later in life, and has also been working through what it means to be a bi guy in today’s world. Through a couple casual conversations, I felt like I was able to share myself and he was open about his experience. Even talking face-to-face with ONE person who has tread a similar path really changed my outlook on how alone I felt.

I understand that there can be concerns with sharing one’s authentic self publicly, but just know that your story may help someone else out there who feels isolated and like they’re the only one to be on their particular path.

So, thank you to my new friend for your vulnerability, openness, and advice. And thank you to those here that share themselves with others. You may make a tangible difference in a person’s life!

I’m 24m in a relationship with 23f. Our relationship hit a rocky point and she was unfaithful. We’re working things out, but ever since it’s kind of awoken a feelings of wanting to be dominated by a man, or dressed up and roughed up. I’ve opened up to her about it, she doesn’t agree with the cuck part because she feels guilty, but she is open to me trying it out if I felt like i wanted to. The problem is, I was raised in a super religious household, and when the thoughts like this, come up, it kind of freaks me out sometimes.

I’ve been lucky enough to enjoy bi oral fun a few times, and lately I can’t stop thinking about what it might feel like to bottom. It’s been on my mind more than I expected, and I wanted to put it out there without overexplaining.

I’m open to the idea of a relaxed, respectful threeway if the chemistry is right. I’d really prefer a chill couple who are open minded, easygoing, and good at making someone feel comfortable while easing into something new.

I know connection matters more than rushing into anything, so I’m not looking to force it. Just hoping to meet the right people and explore this side of me in a way that feels safe, fun, and genuine.

Hey all I’m a 39 year old bi married guy living in the north of Belgium. I’ve been married for over 10 years and we got a couple of great kids.

My wife knows I’m bi and is accepting, although we don’t do anything with it sexually (we are monogamous, don’t play with others). What I’m missing though is a bi friend who can relate to the struggles of being a bi guy. Just a bit lonely on that front and I also find that although my wife is really supportive she doesn’t really ‘get it’ so I don’t get to vent on this topic.

At the same time I’m worried that if I had a friend like that and there would be attraction, it could move to a space my wife isn’t comfortable with. E.g. what if we would shower at the gym together - this would probably be fine, what if we’d go camping together - probably not fine etc.
Would welcome any experiences and how to navigate this. (Obviously I’m also looking for guys in a similar situation to connect with but also conscious this isn’t a personals ad group)

My boyfriend (29M) and I (28F) have been together for 6+ years and have always had a very active and satisfying sex life. Recently, though, he started having trouble maintaining an erection when we had sex. It happened more than once, and I started wondering if he was losing attraction to me.

Eventually, he opened up and told me that he is bisexual and sexually attracted to men as well as women.
He said he had actually been planning to tell me before proposing (we're not engaged yet) because he didn’t want to enter marriage while keeping such an important part of himself from me. As he got closer to 30 and started thinking more seriously about our future, he became increasingly pressured and anxious about telling me.
According to him, that anxiety eventually affected our sex life.

After losing his erection a few times, he started getting into his own head whenever we had sex. He would think, “What if it happens again? What if I disappoint her again?” Then, because he was worrying about losing his erection, it would actually happen.
We’ve talked extensively since he came out. He told me he watches all kinds of porn—straight, bisexual, MM, FF, threesomes, etc.—but said that enjoying something in porn doesn’t mean he wants to experience it in real life.

I even asked whether he wanted to explore sexually with a man if I hypothetically gave him permission. He said he isn’t interested in looking for anyone else. He says he wants me and compares it to how I can be attracted to men generally but don’t want another man because I’ve chosen him. He also doesn’t want a threesome because neither of us wants to share the other.
I accepted him completely, and he became extremely emotional when I told him. He cried a lot and later told me he felt incredibly relieved.

What’s interesting is that since coming out, he seems like his old self again. He’s much more affectionate, clingy, and physically loving toward me, and his sex drive seems to have come back strongly. However, it still hasn’t led to sex, probably because we haven’t had the chance to be alone somewhere private. He also says he thinks his erection problems will improve now that he’s no longer carrying the weight of keeping his sexuality a secret or dealing with the anxiety that came with it.

I’m really happy about where we are now and I love him very much.
But I’m nervous about the next time we have sex.
I’m scared that I’ll go into it thinking, “What if I can’t turn him on? What if he loses his erection again?” And I’m worried that he’ll be thinking the exact same thing. I really don’t want to accidentally put even more pressure on him by treating his erection as proof that he’s attracted to me.

For bisexual men or partners who’ve dealt with performance anxiety after coming out: what helped you get comfortable sexually with your partner again?

Should I avoid focusing on whether he’s hard and just concentrate on affection, intimacy and enjoying ourselves without making penetration the goal? Is there anything your partner did that made you feel desired without making you feel like you had to “perform”?
I’d especially appreciate experiences from bisexual men in long-term monogamous relationships with women, or women with bisexual male partners.

I want him to feel safe with me. I also want to stop being scared that his erection is somehow a test of whether I’m enough for him.

I know I'm going to get judged for this but I sorta need to talk to someone because I'm losing my mind.

Love my partner, she's great, everything's fine on the surface. But I've been repressing this part of myself forever and I can't do it anymore. The only person I've even thought opening up to is my sister. I've known I was bi since before weve got together but I buried it deep, thought I could just ignore it.

I can't. I think about it constantly now. I need to know what it's like before I die wondering.

Whilst I've floated vague "what if" questions, she shuts them down hard. So this would be completely behind her back.

I want to find a dude who can host, is discreet as fuck, and understands this is a one-time thing (maybe more if it goes well, but let's be real). Someone who won't catch feelings, won't blow up my life, and knows how to keep a secret. I don't want to hurt her, I just... I sorta need this experience. Just once.

I know I'm a piece of shit. I know. But I'm hoping someone here has been in this spot and can tell me how to navigate it without destroying everything. How do you find someone trustworthy? How do you cover your tracks? How do you compartmentalize after?

Also random addition but if we vibe and you're into it, I've always been really into Roblox to cope with stress and I sorta want someone to play Roblox with afterwards.

I’ll try not to make this too long lol so me and my wife been together almost 10 years . When we first met we obviously talked about things we’re into (didn’t know at the time I was bi curious) but I told my wife I like girl on girl stuff she said she kissed a girl once and that was it she would get mad anytime the subject got brought up recently it came up again and I told her I don’t care to have a threesome at all but yeah I would like to see you kiss a girl (I would never try and push something on her she didn’t want to do) . Her whole attitude toward it changed after that she told me she kissed more than just one girl and sometimes she brings the subject up now (playing it off as joking) here’s where I’m confused . She said it wasn’t her thing at all but she’s made out with 4 women not just 1 or 2. She also didn’t do it for guys attention because she got mad at one girl for telling people they kissed and another girl she kissed they did it privately in the bathroom and she said she loves that she kept it between them . Maybe she’s just realizing now she liked it more than she thought? She also just met a friend recently and they talk all the time she will even joke saying she sent me a bikini pic (atleast I think she’s joking) maybe her and this friend are feeling some kind of connection she tells me they talk about everything . I wouldn’t mind at all if there is something going on between them as long as my wife is honest . Idk I guess I’m just looking for a women’s advice on what she thinks might be going through my wife’s head and how I can go about this

I'm so glad this community exists, I just discovered it and feel like I've found the place that understands me. Thank you so much for building it ❤️

I am 38M, my wife is 36F. I have been up-front about my sexuality from the beginning, whereas she has just opened up about her bisexuality around a year ago.

We're very much working together and in our own and shared journeys, we still have our challenges and I will no doubt share these here in time.

I love my wife dearly and feel incredibly lucky to have her- her acceptance helped me to fully accept my sexuality. It's something I hope I can return for her in time ❤️