r/MarriedAndBi

Hi Reddit, long time Redditor but starting a new Account for this for obvious reasons!

Maybe a little about me first. I have been in a relationship with my husband for 12 years now and married for a little over 7 now. I have never been happier and don´t want to change a thing but recently I am having dounts about my sexuality.

Don´t get me wrong I find my hubby really attractive and love everything about his body (pls don´t make me spell it out) but other men just...disgust me. I can´t find a single reason to find them attractive at all no mather how hard I try. I can appreciate a good penis if I see one but everything around it irritates me to no end. Talking to my 100% straight friends they just don´t get what I mean and it frustrates my to no end. When I masturbate I either imagine sex with my hubby or with other women I know, the sexy alt barista from my local starbucks, the tattooed baddy from my gym.

There is no denial that I am more into women at this point than men but I am afraid to tell my hubby about it. I don´t know how he would take it. I am sure it will be fine but I don´t know what to tell him? Hey babe, I don´t find men attractive but you? That sounds kinda strange. Every help or experiences you had would be appreciated!

TL;DR Closeted Bi girl wants to come out to her hubby!

How best do you guys suggest dealing with these urges when your spouse would not approve of this lifestyle? Any help would be appreciated!

Looking for some insight. Recentely my wife 38F and me 38M were having a conversation after sex and she made a comment about my cum dripping out of her when she was walking. I said in response "sorry, I dont know what that feels like". She then said, we just need to find a guy to bang you so you can.

Little back story. Our sex life is pretty good. I am no stranger to ass play. Fingers, Toys, Pegging etc all I really enjoy. I have only been with women but I am a go with the flow try anything once kind of guy.

So after she said this, I was like, umm are you serious? She said she was and said ya why not, you like your ass played with I dont care if a guy bangs you, we could do it monthly if you wanted idc, I just dont want you to like him so id blindfold you or something. We would have to find some rando to do it and be safe about it. I told her I have no desire to make out with a guy or anything so dont know why the blindfold but ok.

While processing this, I asked her, "so your just going to cuck in the corner?, id want you involved" she said she would watch and may get invovled she wouldnt know if she would want to or not. So I told her, ok set it up, ill try anything once. I said my only hesistation is our dynamic changing, like she would see me different or be turned off or somehthing and she insisted she wouldnt because she knows I would probably like it and she already pegs me. I also said I wouldnt want the guy touching her as I am not comfortable with that and she said she didnt want it either.

The conversation kind of ended there.

I have been processing this and like I said, I am certainly down to try it, my fear is our relationship. Any insight or similar experiences you have had are appreciated.

I am older happily married woman. I've never been with anyone besides my husband ever. My husband's sex drive was always much higher than mine until a couple years ago. His libido has dropped off and mine has skyrocketed! (Life is cruel that way) I turned to fantasy and he knew and supported that. It wasn't anything that would ever be real life. Lately my fantasy has turned to females. One in particular. I chat with her and try my best to behave myself. I feel so torn with these emotions. I fantasize about her quite a bit. How strange am I?

Me (M, late 20s) and my wife (F, late 20s) got married young. I knew I wasn't straight in high-school, but didn't really want to address my sexuality as it scared me and I felt a lot of shame about it. Despite this, I told my wife before we got married that I wasn't totally straight. The conversation went well and we never discussed it further in any meaningful way until recently.

After going through therapy and working out some other mental health issues, I have become much more accepting of my sexuality. I recently brought up this subject with my wife again and she took it well; however, she essentially said "I'm fine with this; however, I don't want to talk about anything related to your attraction to men"

So on one hand, I have a loving wife who is OK with my sexuality and on the other hand, she does not want to talk to me about anything to do with my sexuality. I'm at an impasse, I don't even know how to bring up being frustrated over her reaction. I'd appreciate help or advice from anyone who's encountered this before.

TLDR; Wife was accepting of me being bi, but does not want to talk about it any further with me and I don't know what to do

I'm 28 f I've been married for almost three years and I discovered I was bi in 2017. I have been too nervous to come out even to my husband. I have been trying and really wanting to make friends who are also bi so I have someone to talk to about all this.

So me and my wife were drinking last night and it’s been bothering me for a while. So my close friend who is a swinger with his wife FaceTimed me and we started talking about stuff and I ended up telling her I was bi. I was honestly terrified but she was extremely supportive and happy that I felt comfortable telling her. Ended up having sex and had one of the greatest finishes ever.

I’ve recently come to terms with my sexuality without the shame and embarrassment. My husband is really supportive and okay are being with another woman. Now it’s time to actually make a move. I wanted to ask you girlies on here on how yall went about being intimate w a girl? I’m nervous about it and feel like it’ll be hard to find someone who’ll be patient enough to be sexual with a 29 year old woman who hasn’t done anything. Any advice?

And well... I managed to become a spectator-husband during my wife's bisexual intimate encounter. It was a total pleasure watching her enjoy herself and climax at least five times with her friend... I learned how to touch her and make her enjoy it like that just by watching.

I wonder if anyone else has experienced this. I very recently came out to my wife.

I’ve noticed that my orgasms are more powerful, it’s like I’ve given myself permission to enjoy my sexual fantasies without feeling guilty. Does that make sense?

I’ve only recently came across this sub, but it’s been extremely helpful. So thank you.

I’m a married M, 43, married to a beautiful woman and have a beautiful family and amazing friends. I’ve known for some time that I’m also attracted to guys. Not in a romantic way, purely sexual. I’ve always had a high sex drive and been quite open, with an each to their own attitude as long as legal and consenting of course. However I’ve struggled to accept my own sexuality. Whilst I wouldn’t drink often, when I did I found myself binge drinking and self destructing, often to numb the confusion, guilt and pure self hatred. More recently I’ve also found myself getting pretty upset when I’ve had too much. I’ve eventually realised this is due to my fear of losing or disappointing my wife, family and friends. One of our children came out as gay at a pretty young age, we’ve always worked hard to create a super inclusive environment, and I think we’ve been pretty successful at that. But something deep in me also blamed myself for him being gay.

Anyway, things came to a head recently. I came out to my wife in a blizzard of emotion and tears, i basically just let everything out. I’m pleased to say she’s been amazing. I’m not sure what else I expected, she is amazing. Lots of work to do, and I’m not really sure how I feel other than strange, still wrestling some level of shame, but at least she now knows, and part of me is relieved about that. I also have a this overwhelming sense of love, appreciation and respect for her given how she’s taken this.

I’m not sure what the future holds, plenty of comms as has been said on this group many times. Nor am I sure how we’re going to navigate the fact that she now knows my sexual desires are wider than what she initially understood them to be. But at least I know when she’s looking at me, I’m not holding anything back.

Not really sure the purpose of the post, other than to wish people luck on their own journey and to thank people on this group for their wise works and perspectives.

I came out to my wife yesterday and it was such a beautiful experience for us both.

A bit of history, I’ve had sexual attraction to guys all my life , but have struggled with it . I’ve never acted upon it and kept it hidden, just fantasising which progressed to chatting online to guys and watching Bi porn. Like any long term relationship we’ve had our ups and downs, have 3 kids and a busy life. Every now and then I would watch porn, then get guilty and put it down for a while , but always come back to it.

I recently got diagnosed with ADHD at age 56, so that’s been something to deal with as well. So glad I did because it’s really helped me open up to my wife .

Also my darling wife is fighting Stage 4 cancer, she’s stable at the moment and feeling good. This is the main reason why I wanted to come out to her. I want to be truly authentic with her and for her to know the real me. I don’t know how long she will be with us and the idea of keeping this hidden from her was becoming too much .

She suspected something was up anyway, last week she said ‘you know what , if you were gay it wouldn’t matter’.

I must of given out some kind of vibes, women are very intuitive. I’m not your typical overtly masculine kind of guy. Introverted, sensitive and quite empathetic.

We were in bed yesterday morning and I questioned her about her comments from last week. She said , so are you , or are you bi? I told her everything. She listened and accepted me for who I am. I explained it’s purely sexual attraction and definitely not romantic for me. I just don’t feel romantic about guys. I would never cheat on her and just want things to stay the same.

We both admitted we had grown apart and lost the connection, me coming out to her was the best thing thing I could have done, we are both on the same page about how to move forward.

So my experience of coming out couldn’t have been better. For nearly 40 years I’ve been carrying the weight of this struggle and I feel finally free to be myself.

Hey everybody. I am new to Reddit and this group only been on Reddit for a few months. I wanted to take a moment after reading this sub a little bit to talk about my wife. She is my absolute best friend and the greatest lover that I've ever had. We've been together for almost 16 years it'll be 16 in September and married for nine of those we celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary just a little while ago in early june.

We got together early in college. A little before classes started our freshman year. I was staying in an all-male dorm and she was staying in an all-female dorm and I made friends with a dude that went to the same high school as her and told me about this really cute girl that he thought I would get along with. He set up a meeting with her and we have been inseparable ever since. We've gone through our ups and downs of course as 16 years of life together will do.

She told me that she was bisexual when we first met I was still very much closeted and would remain closeted for years later. Even now I'm only out officially to her. But we were both young I was raised by a Conservative Christian family in West Texas and I had a lot of shame around my past MM experiences in high school. So I kept all of that to myself and I didn't really tell her a lot about it. I just told her that I was straight and I thought it was hot that she was bisexual. She told me at that time when we were young kids that she liked girls to be girly and men to be manly so that discouraged me further from telling her anything about that side of myself. And I was still figuring it out a lot of the time too. I didn't know if it was the taboo of the situation or an actual attraction as far as same gender MM play went.

So yeah when we met I was 19 and she was 18. We ended up having a child together during our sophomore year of college and I dropped out, she stayed in and we made it work. We rarely ever saw each other she was going to school and working part time I was working 6 days a week 12 hours a day on the opposite shift, we were like ships in the night. But that's what we had to do because we couldn't afford childcare at the time and one of us always needed to be at home with our daughter. She struggled a lot with the postpartum depression after our daughter and I was struggling with depression as well. But we made it through that and we were blessed with our second child. We got engaged in 2017 right before she graduated with her Masters and found out that we were pregnant with our second child a little boy during our engagement before our wedding so we actually announced that pregnancy at our wedding.

She went through postpartum pretty hard again and I was still struggling with depression and feelings of inadequacy as a father and a husband and a provider. We drifted apart and both of us developed a really unhealthy relationship with sex and sexual content on television. Sex in media etc became triggering. First to her and then to me. She started healing by reading romance novels. And those novels went from what seemed really quickly, the vanilla A Court of Thorns and Roses , to much darker stuff that I found intimidating and threatening. For a while there it seemed like she was leaving me behind and her media consumption had been a very sore spot with me.

During covid I was working overnights and she was working at a bank during the day. I was home with the kids during the day because we still couldn't afford daycare for two kids and then when the schools got shut down I had to be available during the day to continue our daughter's education and take care of our infant son and go to work overnight and our disconnect just grew and grew.

Well we fought our way through that and we got out of our tiny apartment and into a bigger three bedroom two bath house which was a huge upgrade for a family of four that was living in a two bedroom one bathroom second floor apartment. But we still had that disconnect and I was still threatened by her reading and our sex life was inconsistent at best. Just life getting in the way. A few months ago my wife and I had a rare night alone without the kids. They were with her parents and we got really good and roaring drunk.

And during a drunken midnight conversation I confessed to her that one of the reasons I didn't like watching RuPaul's drag race with her was not out of disgust or homophobia, well I guess it was but not in the traditional sense. It was because some of the lads on there all dressed up really turned me on and it made me uncomfortable. And as I was explaining that to her in a drunken State she was like oh my gosh are you telling me you're bi.... After a long pause and a Big gulp I started crying and told her that I was she cried with me and held me and told me it was okay and that she was grateful that I had finally trusted her enough to come out to her. Then while we were drunk and emotionally charged and horny we breached the subject of opening our relationship and swinging and sharing experiences together.

I also suffer from ADHD, which contributes to my struggles with depression and within ADHD there's another acronym called RSD rejection sensitivity disorder. Now basically that just means that I can be really emotionally raw, and vulnerable and sensitive. A big part of why I struggled with her reading for instance. So as we started going down the rabbit hole of Reddit and looking into swinging and the lifestyle I with a ADHD hyper focus dove too deep too fast and freaked myself out and triggered my rsd. I was worried that despite what she told me she would think less of me for being with a man or sharing her with another man all kinds of just horrible images and thoughts went through my head. That also led to performance problems for me so even though we were really horny and sexually charged from this exploration I was also in my head so much that I was struggling to perform, that made things so much worse.

The past few months have been a roller coaster and my wife and best friend has remained incredibly patient and loving and kind and has supported me the entire way. Even now when we talk about swinging and it's something we're still interested in and very much considering going into we're on the same page that neither one of us wants to explore any of this without the other. If one of us decides that it's not for us that's it.

And after many months of discussion I finally accepted my own bisexuality and interest in the lifestyle. I also re found the faith and trust in my wife that whether we explore this or not I am enough for her and she knows that she is enough for me. Our relationship has only gotten stronger from this and we haven't even explored anything yet and we may or may not. During our extensive talk she even apologized to me for that comment she made when we first met about liking men manly and girls girly she explained she's grown a lot since then. And really helped me to understand that just because I have an interest in having MMF and MFM and MFMF orgies if you will and being a verse bi male doesn't make me any less of a masculine man. And in some ways it actually makes me even more masculine and secure to be able to even think about exploring these things.

This one went a little long but it was very cathartic and therapeutic. For all who have made it this far thank you for reading and coming to my Ted talk. I hope all of you find such an incredible and loving spouse.

Hello all,

I’m a bi 38M, who has been married to a woman for over 15 years, and I’m also a dad to an awesome young teen.

I’ve been out to my wife for many years. But after lots of therapy, conversations and growth, my wife has told me that she supports me exploring outside of our marriage. We have set ground rules and transparency, and I’ve been able to explore a bit with a longtime friend who doesn’t live near me.

However, I’m now looking to find guys near me who may be in a similar position and would be interested in a FWB type of friendship. The problem is, I don’t really know where to look. I’m not looking for a quick hook-up; I’d much rather meet someone that clicks with me and build trust before jumping into a sexual relationship immediately. Does anyone have any advice about the best way to meet other guys that would fit with what I’m looking for, and where I may be what they’re looking for? Any advice is helpful, and thanks in advance.

If this gets long, I apologize. I tend to be wordy. I see a lot of partner appreciation posts about the straight partners. This one is opposite.

Husband and I have been together since our late teens. We are in our early 50’s now.

We’ve had a fantastic relationship since the beginning. It’s always been easy. We’ve had an active sex life too, but there’s always been a bit of a disconnect there. I always felt like if anything ever broke us it would be sex. I’ve always struggled.

The quickest way to describe this would be to say that I felt broken. I never really turned down sex when he asked and I enjoyed it when we did it but that was it. I didn’t think about sex. I didn’t ‘want’ sex. It was something I did because he wanted to. I never felt the need. I imagined I could live just fine without it. I started to wonder if I was just asexual.

Early this year my husband came to me with something he had been holding on to for a while. Given the subreddit this is in, I’m sure you know what he told me. It was very brave of him. He had held a lot of fear about what my reaction would be. He was afraid I would find him sick or disgusting or that I would leave him. Him holding on to his feelings had started to hurt his mental health and was also affecting our sex life which bled into the rest of the relationship. I knew something was going on with him. I was relieved that this was all it was.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not minimizing the situation. It was hard on him to discover this in himself and it was hard on him to tell me. It was hard for me to hear as well. Internally, briefly, I made it about me. “You’re not enough. See, you’re broken. He’s going to leave you. That’s why he’s been distant” Thankfully he told me in a way that gave me a little time to process and my external response to him was much better.

Obviously him coming out made us have to address the elephant in the room and have some conversations about sex. For people who had sex a few times a week, we sure hadn’t talked about sex in a while, really talked that is. He, the high drive spouse, thought about it a lot but didn’t feel comfortable talking about it. And me, I’ve already mentioned I didn’t think about it. I’ll go further to say that I would quite literally forget it existed until I’d notice he was grumpy and mentally calculate how long it had been since we had done it. Suddenly we were having the conversations and starting with a hard one made the ones that followed easier.

I’ll admit, I felt a little left behind by his newly revealed discovery. In my mind sexuality and our sex life were one and the same and had always been ‘ours’. It felt like he was moving to a place without me. He wasn’t talking about opening our relationship but it still felt like he was moving on and I was stuck, broken.

I started to spend more time thinking about my own sexuality. What did I like? We always did what he likes to do. I used to joke that he was adventurous enough for the both of us. Why didn’t I think about sex ever? Why didn’t I ever want it even though I enjoyed it when we did it?

Meanwhile, we fell into what might have been hysterical bonding. We started having sex every day. After a few weeks in when we realized we’d done it every day we challenged ourselves to make it a month. Game on! I like a good challenge! I took it a bit further and challenged myself to be bold and try new things. Soon we were well past the month mark and still having a blast.

I need to wrap this up so let me cut it shorter without all the interesting details. Long story short, our adventures led me to some sort of awakening. It led to some adventures (like me getting a lap dance at a strip club and affirming that I’m not bi myself - I posted about that here) and some hard realizations. Then in the midst of this some old hurts popped back up causing my nervous system to go into shock.

In effort to regulate myself and get back to life, I started questioning myself. That led to me unpacking a LOT of old trauma wounds. I spent days typing in my Notes app. The note was so long that when I was proofreading it before I shared it with my husband it took me an hour to read back over it and I was reading fast because I knew what it said already. In other words… it was a lot. As I got everything down on paper (so to speak) I started to see themes emerge. I found patterns in things I had never connected before and things I had never understood started to make sense.

I fearfully shared all of my trauma and all of the connections I had found with my husband. I had to tell him some things that were hard to hear. I was afraid maybe he would be the one deciding to be done with me. He listened. He held me while I cried and he cried with me. He heard it all, good, bad, and extremely ugly, and he still loves me.

I sit here now lighter (emotionally) than I’ve ever been. It’s an amazing feeling.

I owe it all to my husband. He was brave. He took a chance on me and shared something with me that changed our marriage. It didn’t change how I feel about him or how I saw him as a person or as a man. It changed how we communicate. It changed how deep we are willing to dive together. And, it changed ME. I’m not broken. I’m not damaged. I am enough. I didn’t do anything wrong. I was hurt and I withdrew. I repressed the sexual side of myself entirely. My physical body was there but my soul was not. My soul is there now. I have a libido for the first time in my life. We are about six months into this adventure and still doing it pretty much every day (I think we missed one) and now it’s not because of hysterical bonding or because we challenged each other. It’s pure passion. I can’t keep my hands off of him and it is amazing.

I know it’s hard for someone to tell their partner about something so vulnerable. It doesn’t always go well. Sometimes it turns sour. Sometimes it gets swept under the rug. Sometimes it takes time for a person to sit with it. Every story will be different.

Some, like ours, will take this amazing, beautiful, wonderful twist all because he was brave and took a chance on telling me. I’ve never been more in love with my husband than I am now. I no longer feel like sex might be the thing that breaks us. We are rock solid. This is still a work in progress but we are in it and enjoying the journey.

Ok this may be long and I apologize for that but I have to get this out.
When I was younger my first sexual experience was with an older gentleman. He and I both gave each other oral not just once but more times than I can count. (At least 1 to 2 times a week for over a year) sometimes more during certain weeks. The reason why it stopped was he moved to a different state.
Then I stated having certain feelings towards girls. I dated a few and eventually had sex with a couple. In my 20’s I met my now wife and I’ve hid my younger life from her. Well many years have passed and I’m having feelings of doing oral again with a man! I’m not sure if I will act on these feelings but if I get enough courage to then I just might. Is it wrong to have the feelings given my past? Is it wrong I have withheld my past from my wife?

Posted a while ago about having thoughts about men again. I spoke to my wife yesterday about it and showed her my Reddit account and allowed her to look through and ask me anything she wanted to know. She took it really well and had no issues with it. Gave me alot of reassurance and made me comfortable about it more 👍🏻

I recently read another reddit post where a bisexual women wanted to explore with another women, but felt it was only fair if her straight husband only could explore with men. Her reasoning is she is capable of fulfilling him as a women. I am the straight wife and I disagree with this. I feel that if he has to do the emotional labor and work on his insecurities so should she. If she is allowed to have sexual experiences with a gender she is attracted to so should he. Fair is fair in opening regardless of the motivation behind it. I am happily monogamous, but I feel it is delusional on the bisexual partners part to assume that because their spouse is straight they fulfill 100% of their sexual desire. It is enough for me to be happily monogamous, but if my partner is seeking fulfillment outside of the marriage then it is only fair for the straight spouse to do the same. Regardless of sexuality we all forego experiences that would be different with another person in a monogamous relationship. What are your thoughts? Not an issue in my marriage just something I read.

Told her and her reaction was not good. She asked how long I felt this way and if I was planning on doing something about it and then she brought up divorce because she “didn’t know me at all”. I accepted and now I just want to know if I was right in coming out

So i wanted to share my story here to maybe give some other people the courage to tell their partners

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about 6 months. She is very kinky but I could never tell how she would react to me being bi sexual. Well last weekend I sat her down and it felt like it was the hardest thing in the world for me to tell her. Eventually after beating the around the bush for a while I told her and her reaction? 🤣was unbelievable. Her reaction:

Oh for fucks sake I thought youre about to tell me you have cancer or something at least thats what you looked like. Okay so youre bi, does that mean you also want to see guys ? If so its cool with me.

My jaw dropped. I would've never thought that she reacted the way she did🤣 a lot of times our fear of telling our partners makes us think the reaction will be the worst case scenario but our partners sure can surprise us.