Came out in a drunken mess
I’ve only recently came across this sub, but it’s been extremely helpful. So thank you.
I’m a married M, 43, married to a beautiful woman and have a beautiful family and amazing friends. I’ve known for some time that I’m also attracted to guys. Not in a romantic way, purely sexual. I’ve always had a high sex drive and been quite open, with an each to their own attitude as long as legal and consenting of course. However I’ve struggled to accept my own sexuality. Whilst I wouldn’t drink often, when I did I found myself binge drinking and self destructing, often to numb the confusion, guilt and pure self hatred. More recently I’ve also found myself getting pretty upset when I’ve had too much. I’ve eventually realised this is due to my fear of losing or disappointing my wife, family and friends. One of our children came out as gay at a pretty young age, we’ve always worked hard to create a super inclusive environment, and I think we’ve been pretty successful at that. But something deep in me also blamed myself for him being gay.
Anyway, things came to a head recently. I came out to my wife in a blizzard of emotion and tears, i basically just let everything out. I’m pleased to say she’s been amazing. I’m not sure what else I expected, she is amazing. Lots of work to do, and I’m not really sure how I feel other than strange, still wrestling some level of shame, but at least she now knows, and part of me is relieved about that. I also have a this overwhelming sense of love, appreciation and respect for her given how she’s taken this.
I’m not sure what the future holds, plenty of comms as has been said on this group many times. Nor am I sure how we’re going to navigate the fact that she now knows my sexual desires are wider than what she initially understood them to be. But at least I know when she’s looking at me, I’m not holding anything back.
Not really sure the purpose of the post, other than to wish people luck on their own journey and to thank people on this group for their wise works and perspectives.