Edit: While I appreciate the sentiment, for the love of god, stop telling me to tell my husband it was all his idea. For starters, I wanted it too. Never would have done it if I didn’t want it. Me and him can both be wrong and there’s nothing bad about that. I’m not telling him that because that would mean I’m saying it’s his fault, and it’s not his fucking fault.
Sorry, this might be a bit long, but, the whole story is important I feel. So, for a little context, months ago I made a post asking for some advice about this stuff. My husband had told me he wanted to get into this lifestyle and have me sleep with other men. I got a lot of great advice (mostly lol), but, months later, well…
So we started things out pretty slow. Dirty talk in the bedroom, and playing games about who I thought was hot at the bar, etc.
After a few weeks he said he wanted to move things further, so I agreed maybe we could go to a club and he could stay at the bar and watch me dance with someone. That went really well too!
Fast forward a little more, we both decided to try my first real date with another guy. The first problem came up when it was time to pick the guy. We made a tinder profile, and I let him sort through my matches to find guys he liked for me. He pretty much exclusively told me to only go for the black guys, because he wanted me to “do it with a BBC”. We kinda argued about this for a few days. I don’t have anything against black guys, I was concerned more about him potentially feeling emasculated. I told him that might be a lot for the first time, both for me and him. I had never been with a guy with some huge dick before, and my husband is just average. Anyways, I relented, and told him I would just go with whatever guy he wanted for me, it was his show and I was doing it for him.
After talking to some guys and seeing some pictures, he picked one, and we set the date. We met at a hotel bar, and got to know each other over drinks. With some liquid courage to help get me loosened up I was having fun, my husband seemed really giddy, and the guy was handsome and funny and very respectful of me wanting to take things nice and easy.
Things started to go downhill once we made it up to the room though. After a little bit of awkwardness, we started kissing and taking each other’s clothes off. I kept looking at my husband every little bit, to see how he was doing. For a while he seemed fine, he was just sitting and watching us. I kept smiling at him so he knew I was having fun too. After the guy asked me to give him a blowjob, I noticed my husband’s expression changed a little. He wasn’t smiling anymore, and up to this point, he hadn’t taken any clothes off or anything. I had assumed he would’ve been masturbating or something, he had told me how bad he wanted to finish on my face while I was with this guy. I asked him if he was okay and he just nodded at me and said just keep going.
Finally I was starting to ride the guy, it was a slow process, he was pretty big, and it took some negotiating to get things started. I spent a few minutes just slowly working myself on him, and trying to adjust. Once things started to get a little smoother and stop hurting, we started to really have sex and I finally looked back over at hubby. He was crying. Not making any noise, but his face was red and tear were running down his cheeks and his leg was trembling. I stopped and asked him what was wrong and he just got up and left the room. The guy asked if everything was alright and all could say was I’m sorry but I think you just have to go please. He left. And I just sat there alone in that stupid bed waiting for my husband to come back. When he finally did, he wouldn’t talk to me. I kept begging him to tell me what I did wrong and eventually he just shook his head and told me it was a mistake.
This is what I was so worried about. He seemed so ready for me to just be this hotwife for him, but when the time came, I think he couldn’t handle the jealousy..I don’t know what the fuck to do. He won’t talk to me about it, he doesn’t seem to want anything to do with me sometimes. He barely talks to me some days! The date with the guy was like a month ago, and my husband hasn’t had sex with me since. I tried getting new lingerie to wear for him, I tried setting up romantic dinners at home, nothing. I feel gross. I feel stupid. I feel like my husband thinks I’m some dirty whore now! What should I do?!?