u/BiMarkus

So a few family members have found out of enjoyment of meeting men for sex. My wife is open to it and agreed I can have meetings just not excessive and to protect her from infection and protect my safety.

A family member overheard my wife and me talking in the kitchen about my meets and she heard everything, the next day a text message goes on wife phone saying I heard what you were both discussing and I'm shocked, how could my wife allow me to have meets with men as it utterly repulsive and disgusting that men want to do such a thing together.

Sadly it gossip travelled to another male straight family member who has taken the same stance.

At the moment I've completely shut down from them and the relationship is over, but deep down I'm hurt as I already struggle with wanting sex with guys and I'm married. And my children don't know so I'm living in fear until such a time I can tell them.

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My Bi married story!!!!

Came out to my wife 3 years ago after telling her of the sexual abuse in the family that happened to me a young child I believe there is abuse as early as 5-6 years old and sadly multiple accounts of being molested in my early teen and late teen I was rapped later by an unknown men in a sauna and where I work as a weekend job molested again around 13. I said nothing to no one and my parents are narcissistic and never got on with them.

I suddenly from the age of about 21 started to feel very bisexual turned on immensely with interest in having sex only with men, we had been married at 18 and she had an affair at 22 so I stupidly had sex with a guy after her affair and truthfully loved it amazing sex but I kept it secret.

She was absolutely shocked when I told her in 2024 and asked questions about my huge decline in mental health as there had been a change in my happiness as I have been very angry all my life with huge outbursts of aggression.

I did not tell her I had sex with a guy and for me I managed to surpress my urges for over 22 years. I'm now 52 and the urges have come back 10 fold in 2021 where m-m porn engrossed me hugely and then I made a stupid decision to find guys for sex only and I did ended up having sex with about 10 men over a 4 year period, got tested every 3 months and went on prep and have continued to have sex with guys up to 2026 but surgery has stopped this now.

But suddenly in 2025 the act of what I had done hit me like a train and my mental health went down hill quickly to attempting suicide and self harm. Which then brought on further health issues from being so low mentally.

It's been awful to be honest and telling her in 2024 was heart breaking for the both of us and we have children as well who we both love so much after having a still birth in 2010

She said that she knew I was an anal play guy, she noticed I loved every thing bums and especially a kink for naudity but she never questioned my sexuality ever.

It has been hard since and she has allowed me to go and have met with guys occasionally for sex but not romantically which I do not want for me it's just the sex.

I did end up using protection of HIV prep and getting testing but I noticed quickly that after meets my mental health got worse and the quilt coming home after a sexual meet with a guy and then coming home to my family caused me massive shame and I felt so so bad it destroys me.

I've reached out to all the mental health support and it's rubbish.

As husband and wife we have spoken endlessly about my bi feelings and every question my wife has asked from the obvious to sexually explicit I have answered in truth.

Well 2026 has been awful as I have had no meets because my mental health from what I had done in the past is so bad, I feel ashamed for being attracted to men for sex only, I feel ashamed for having great sex with men but I still love sex with my wife but sadly menopause and trauma from the still birth has caused her big problem which I have only just recently found out in the last few weeks in this area and her desires have diminished long ago

Recently we opened up to a family member as I have been having suicidal behaviour again and I'm no longer wanting to be here any more as I can not cope with this any more and fear that my children and friends will find out I feel so dirty and ashamed but then I feel the desires to have meets and sex are so strong the cycle begins again repeating it self.

The family member we told was shocked tbh but agreed that if I had had sex with a women then she could see that the marriage would be over but being I've had sex with men the threat is not there from a women point of view and my wife agrees with this that she is not threatened by me having sex with men other than my safety and as she has no drive it dies her a favour in me meeting men.

But sadly the last few days things have changed and the family member we trusted had got very distant in our conversation and the trust I placed in telling her only she told her husband and I know this has now caused a huge problem as straight guys can get very triggered by men who are gay or bisexual.

I know many will see our situation as huge cheating by me and are upset by this. As the family we have to cut our loss I suppose as straight people don't understand and never will.

I can not denie what I have done is wrong but at the same time I not enjoying my life right now and suicidal behaviour has returned. She has the last few days after even more talking she said I should continue with the meets but she wants me to be careful and protect her from infection and being careful who I choose to have sex with but not get into a relationship with just just one man.