u/Bitter-Flower-3462

I've been trying to quit cold turkey since 2023 with no luck, and I just had the hardest relapse of the year so far. I told myself I'd never come back to post here again, but I can't stop myself at the same time. I felt dizzy and barely aware almost all day and I can't even lie, it felt so fucking good.

I think quitting might be a pipe dream. I've had people try to give me advice and uninstall my triggers and it hasn't stuck. It's so goddamn stressful trying to stay away.

Please just put me deep and snuff out my resistance. I don't want the option of thinking anymore.

For context: I spent about 4 years heavily training a handful of triggers with a long-distance partner, from 2019 to late 2023. We broke up around the end of 2023, and I've been trying to un-train myself since but I'm struggling with deprogramming. I would spend anywhere from 2 to 6 hours across the day on files we used, every single day barring emergencies or whatever special circumstances, so I'm having an extremely hard time despite the distance.

I don't want to name the file series, I'm afraid to seem like I'm engagement baiting, but I am really struggling with this and I find myself looping back around every now and then. Are there any ways to speed up the process, I guess? Or is continuing the cold turkey rout the only way forward?