My brother has always been my best friend, but I wish he was more...
My brother (21M) and I (23F) were always really close during our childhood. I always had few friends, due to being nerdy, homeschooled, and also likely early signs of being queer/trans. My brother was also homeschooled, but he always had plenty of people to like him anywhere he went. He was outgoing and way more social than I, but even at the busiest party, he always made time for me and made me feel like I was worth something when I felt alone and worthless. When I lost my faith, realized I was queer, and basically had to realign my entire world, he was still there. Asking questions, trying to understand, and supporting me even when he didn't get it. I was in a very dark place, and his unwavering support genuinely saved my life.
When he almost lost his, I blamed myself for not being there for him like he was for me. In the hospital his GF was supporting him and I got immensely jealous. I should be there for him instead of her, I thought. When she kissed him, I realized I was jealous of that, too. I haven't told him yet, and it's been years. I eventually grew to accept my feelings, and I intended to keep them secret and just try to be the best sister I could be for him, but my feelings for him just keep getting stronger. I don't think he would accept it. I feel like he'd try to be kind about it, cause that's just who he is, but I'm still afraid to risk our current relationship for the sake of honesty. I just don't know how long I can keep it a secret...
I don't know if any advice would help; I mainly just wanted to share. I think... I think I'm gonna tell him next time I visit him. He's still with his gf, who is an amazing person, despite my jealousy. I doubt she'd be okay with it either, but I just... I just hope it works out okay, even if he doesn't feel the same, or just won't risk their relationship for me.