u/BratLittle

Hey everyone, I could really use some advice, especially from anyone who’s been through something similar.

I’ve been into BDSM since the beginning of my sex life. I’m naturally submissive, and my fiancé is dominant occasionally.

Last year I met a very experienced Dom. It made me really curious about what a more intense dynamic would feel like, and with my fiancé’s consent, I started a D/s relationship with him. It was an incredibly intense and interesting experience. We were extremely compatible. He focused a lot on psychological domination, which is what I enjoy most. During the week, he basically made all my decisions for me, and on weekends I’d go offline and spend time with my fiancé.

About a month after we started, he suddenly told me he had to end the relationship because he had started dating someone. I completely fell apart. It was awful. I felt like the ground disappeared under me. It was like I didn’t know how to function without his commands anymore. I spent five days in bed crying. My fiancé didn’t know what to do seeing me so desperate over another person, and I didn’t even know how to explain the emptiness of losing a Dom. I still can’t really put it into words. During those days, I stopped talking to him out of respect for his relationship. On the sixth day, he reached out saying he considered me a friend and that I didn’t need to distance myself. A week later, he broke up with that girl. We became friends, but I was deeply traumatized by everything and never wanted sessions with him again.

We talked every day about random things for hours, never anything sexual. He invited me to join a company he owned. I refused at first, but eventually accepted. A few times he mentioned we should be in a relationship, but I love my fiancé, and I was never actually in love with him despite the strange bond we formed.

A month later he started dating someone else, and the new girlfriend made him kick me out of the company out of jealousy and drastically reduce how often we talked. It was horrible. Not as bad as the first time, but still awful. I distanced myself because I couldn’t handle the inconsistency anymore.

Three weeks later they broke up, but I still needed over a month keeping my distance and only talking to him a few times a week before I could feel okay again. Eventually we got close again. He became friends with my social circle and my fiancé. He suggested we restart the relationship we originally had, but I immediately said no. Even so, it was scary realizing after all that time how much influence he still had over me. He would give me a command and I’d obey first and think later. I told him not to do that anymore.

Last week he started dating someone again. For some reason he really wanted me to meet her. I didn’t want to, but it seemed important to him. I talked to her and honestly thought she was completely unhinged, like the type to install spyware on her partner’s phone. I stopped replying, but he kept pressuring me to talk to her. She created a group chat with him, her, me, and my fiancé. I didn’t like it at all — I already have enough friends — but I didn’t argue about it.

On Saturday I was at my fiancé’s parents’ house when I got a message from her saying she knew we had “friends with benefits” history (we never did — our D/s relationship came before we were friends). She said they had decided to be monogamous, unlike me and my fiancé (even though we ARE monogamous; we just made one exception so I could have that experience). She also said she had read every conversation I’d ever had with him, that our conversations were inappropriate, that she expected me to be subtle and modest, and that she wouldn’t allow me to talk to him outside the group chat where she could monitor it.

Of course I lost it on her. I fought with both of them. What hurt me most was him showing her our conversations. I had trusted him with deeply personal traumas — childhood things nobody else knows about. I told him to disappear from my life. I spent the whole weekend crying. Last night I asked him to delete every message we had ever exchanged. Honestly, there were things in there I would rather die than have other people know about, and he kept showing them to girlfriends like it was nothing. Not sexual things — deeply personal things. There was probably D/s-related stuff in there too.

He refused. Said I had been rude and that I owed him and his girlfriend an apology. My fiancé had to step in to make him delete everything.This whole situation destroyed me. My fiancé told me it wasn’t normal for me to react this way, that it almost seemed like he was still dominating my mind. Maybe he is. I don’t know what to do.

I hate this guy. I don’t know why he did this to me. But at the same time, I still feel that same emptiness as before. He was my best friend, he had an absurd amount of influence over me from the beginning, and now everything ended like this. If I had known it would turn out like this, I never would’ve started a D/s relationship with anyone else in the first place. I don’t know if the problem was me, for blindly trusting him like a child while being his sub, or if it was him, who seemed to have no idea of the insane influence a dom has over a submissive’s life. I revolved around him like a planet around the sun. He loved that deeply, but he never seemed to care about throwing me out of orbit over and over again. Doms can be really cruel — and not in the good way.

Hey everyone, I could really use some advice, especially from anyone who’s been through something similar.

I’ve been into BDSM since the beginning of my sex life. I’m naturally submissive, and my fiancé is dominant occasionally.

Last year I met a very experienced Dom. It made me really curious about what a more intense dynamic would feel like, and with my fiancé’s consent, I started a D/s relationship with him. It was an incredibly intense and interesting experience. We were extremely compatible. He focused a lot on psychological domination, which is what I enjoy most. During the week, he basically made all my decisions for me, and on weekends I’d go offline and spend time with my fiancé.

About a month after we started, he suddenly told me he had to end the relationship because he had started dating someone. I completely fell apart. It was awful. I felt like the ground disappeared under me. It was like I didn’t know how to function without his commands anymore. I spent five days in bed crying. My fiancé didn’t know what to do seeing me so desperate over another person, and I didn’t even know how to explain the emptiness of losing a Dom. I still can’t really put it into words. During those days, I stopped talking to him out of respect for his relationship. On the sixth day, he reached out saying he considered me a friend and that I didn’t need to distance myself. A week later, he broke up with that girl. We became friends, but I was deeply traumatized by everything and never wanted sessions with him again.

We talked every day about random things, never anything sexual. He invited me to join a company he owned. I refused at first, but eventually accepted. A few times he mentioned we should be in a relationship, but I love my fiancé, and I was never actually in love with him despite the strange bond we formed.

A month later he started dating someone else, and the new girlfriend made him kick me out of the company out of jealousy and drastically reduce how often we talked. It was horrible. Not as bad as the first time, but still awful. I distanced myself because I couldn’t handle the inconsistency anymore.

Three weeks later they broke up, but I still needed over a month keeping my distance and only talking to him a few times a week before I could feel okay again. Eventually we got close again. He became friends with my social circle and my fiancé. He suggested we restart the relationship we originally had, but I immediately said no. Even so, it was scary realizing after all that time how much influence he still had over me. He would give me a command and I’d obey first and think later. I told him not to do that anymore.

Last week he started dating someone again. For some reason he really wanted me to meet her. I didn’t want to, but it seemed important to him. I talked to her and honestly thought she was completely unhinged, like the type to install spyware on her partner’s phone. I stopped replying, but he kept pressuring me to talk to her. She created a group chat with him, her, me, and my fiancé. I didn’t like it at all — I already have enough friends — but I didn’t argue about it.

On Saturday I was at my fiancé’s parents’ house when I got a message from her saying she knew we had “friends with benefits” history (we never did — our D/s relationship came before we were friends). She said they had decided to be monogamous, unlike me and my fiancé (even though we ARE monogamous; we just made one exception so I could have that experience). She also said she had read every conversation I’d ever had with him, that our conversations were inappropriate, that she expected me to be subtle and modest, and that she wouldn’t allow me to talk to him outside the group chat where she could monitor it.

Of course I lost it on her. I fought with both of them. What hurt me most was him showing her our conversations. I had trusted him with deeply personal traumas — childhood things nobody else knows about. I told him to disappear from my life. I spent the whole weekend crying. Last night I asked him to delete every message we had ever exchanged. Honestly, there were things in there I would rather die than have other people know about, and he kept showing them to girlfriends like it was nothing. Not sexual things — deeply personal things. There was probably D/s-related stuff in there too.

He refused. Said I had been rude and that I owed him and his girlfriend an apology. My fiancé had to step in to make him delete everything.This whole situation destroyed me. My fiancé told me it wasn’t normal for me to react this way, that it almost seemed like he was still dominating my mind. Maybe he is. I don’t know what to do.

I hate this guy. I don’t know why he did this to me. But at the same time, I still feel that same emptiness as before. He was my best friend, he had an absurd amount of influence over me from the beginning, and now everything ended like this. If I had known it would turn out like this, I never would’ve started a D/s relationship with anyone else in the first place. I don’t know if the problem was me, for blindly trusting him like a child while being his sub, or if it was him, who seemed to have no idea of the insane influence a dom has over a submissive’s life. I revolved around him like a planet around the sun. He loved that deeply, but he never seemed to care about throwing me out of orbit over and over again. Doms can be really cruel — and not in the good way.