I had a harsh upbringing, and it’s all sinking into me now. I don’t want to blame anyone and look inwards. My mom, was poor she’s an immigrant I mean, not much warm clothes in the winter let alone anything nice, section 8 you get the picture. My teenage years in high school I was bullied so bad, and our really poor life at home I struggled in school and I dropped out. Her culture pushes girls to leave to country with men to escape poverty, I grew up seeing that. This lead to me not only wanting to get out her house, the dangerous neighborhood and living conditions. My mom didn’t have drug or alcohol problems, but hoarding issues that I don’t want to add. She was physically and verbally abusive. (Think I, Tonya mom)
I ended up dancing, and climbed out of poverty and being poor loophole. I always had a feeling dancing’s wrong. I made a ton of money as you can imagine. I told her what I did for a living, she persuaded me to go where the money is. I ended up becoming a mom, thankfully he helps financially and she’s mooched of me since. Till this day her country leaching of their kids.
I reached to point where I did the nicest things you can think of, travel clothes, comfortable coziest home, happiest normal kid. I am the biggest hygiene germaphobe because of my childhood upbringing, and chaos. I also found someone I loved. It’s the little goodness I have left. Dancing is running our relationship for obvious reasons.
Lastly - I’m really still trying to cope with all of this, childhood hell. I am getting older (early 30s) I’m not poor anymore. But living expenses are through the roof, including me giving up all the nice things. Im not getting younger. I don’t have a high school degree, and my state is not letting anyone take the ged test meaning there’s no seats available. I’m at a loss of words because I literally am depleting my savings, trying to take this test and I’ve never seen anything like the state not handing it out. The government has told me to come back to see when there’s a seat that opens, they tell you to come back and not one has been available for months. I’m honestly scared the get back into the survival. Ive been from one survival to the next since I was a child.
I don’t see livable wages without the HS diploma, good wages that are not SW
It’s disheartening 😞