I naturally become submissive even when I don’t want to, signed an aspiring domme
I am generally new to the BDSM community and I genuinely feel stuck. I've wanted to be in a Dom/Sub dynamic with a man for a long while now. The idea of having a male sub is exhilarating to me. To have the ability to break someone's defenses because they trust I'll make them feel good, unwind them and mentally (and consensually) break them is a very appealing idea to me. So I did a bit of internet searching (and maybe not enough research to begin with) and found myself a male sub online. He lives in the Netherlands and I live in Cali USA. I found him on a sort of dating app for exclusively FLR, we matched and hit it off. He is such a sweetheart. We haven't been taking for long but I really want to build a connection between us and possibly grow and gain experience from this.
But the issue? I have a bad record with relationships because I struggle with intimacy. I've primarily been in MLR that would end very quickly because I couldn't for the life of me be intimate with them when they take the lead. It doesn't help that I naturally become submissive in relationships with men EVEN WHEN I DON'T WANT TO. This has lead me to avoid relationships in general since it makes me feel very caged and uncomfortable. And while I have confirmed I like women (where I usually take the lead), I still think I like men too. Only if they are submissive that is.
But now I have this guy who wants to be in a FLR and I don't know how to take control. Like I just find myself thinking, 'now what?' . How do I make sure his needs have been met, how to satisfy him esp. because it's a virtual relationship. All the advise am getting involve in-person relationship dynamics. Am trying to get to know him first. He's been very clear with what kinks he likes: Ownership, chastity, JOI, Edging, Tasks & body worship. Then I want to understand his living situation, his hobbies and his life so that I can know how I can possibly approach this. Like I've never even been the one to start a convo with guys (am socially awkward as hell). And just like with all new things, my approach kinda feels janky and weird. Like am playing a character, the convo doesn't flow the way I want it to. I also have a tendency to break off or avoid when shit get's overwhelming. But I don't want to do that, I want to face it and do ts cause I want to. But because of all this I feel pressured to start play sessions when I KNOW am not ready.
I just want to know how you guys handle the 'interview' part of the relationship. Do you just drill them questions at once (like give it to them like a task) or do you just casually ask them as you go.
How to I learn to take control, is it okay to simply say "I don't know how to go about this" or will it risk switching the dynamics. (he's switch leaning but Idk how well I can handle switching)
And is it okay to just say "we won't do anything ie play sessions until a month in" or something to make it clear to him that this might be a slow process. I also want to tell him that it's okay for him to see other dommes, since we just started talking, but Idk how to approach it. Any advice is appreciated.