The post nut guilt of a s•x addict deprived of s•x
I am in a relationship for 4 years of which last almost 2 years have been completely long distance. Our conversations have matured so much that we don’t even talk about s•x. Also, I can’t imagine another partner than her.
But I have these lusty thoughts that make me do weird things like taking paid call services online or searching for paid meets (never going to act on it). Becoming too addicted to p•rn. I have had quite a few casual encounters through bumble a few years back when I was in Mumbai. This was when we were also not serious about our relationship. But now I don’t want to create dating profiles with lies in the bio. I am a s•x addict deprived of s•x for almost a year now.
I really want to have s•x with someone but scared of the dangers I might run into when you think with d•ck instead of brain. I don’t want these paid stuff with no passion. I miss the one where we explore each other with so much focus and warmth to become one at the end. Now the weirdest thing I started doing is writing prompts in Grok to visualise my fantasies. I feel guilty of wasting my time, money and creativity on these. If anyone read the whole thing and has any tips for me please share.